The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading from C2C, the author reflects on how enmeshed they had become with 2 people close to them who were new to recovery. While these two individuals were drinking, the author lost sight of the fact that they could be happy even if the 2 alcoholics were depressed, that the author could be serene, even if the two were in chaos or went back to drinking. Someone said to the author: "You'll have to learn to make it whether the alcoholics do or not." This was the turning point for the author in their recovery program.
Starting then, the author tried to keep in mind that they had their own life and their own destiny. With practice separating their own welfare from that of the alcoholics', the author began to find it easier to detach from the decisions the alcoholics made. With their lives no longer directly tied, the author found it easier to accept the alcoholics for who they were, to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to exercise control.
Alanon showed the author where they have control - their own life.
Today's Reminder: My time is too precious to waste living in the future or worrying about something over which I have no power. I am building a wonderful life for myself today.
Today's Quote: "As I continue to practice putting the focus on myself, it is a relief to see I can let go of others' problems instead of trying to solve them."
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What a great reading for me, as I have been struggling with staying out of my wife's recovery process, while also uncomfortable with the impact of some of her decisions on me. I've noticed that I am better at staying out of someone's program when I don't live them, and our lives are not connected through marriage in a common-property state, lol! And I think this is one of the things that keeps me coming back to AlAnon. It would be much easier to detach if I didn't have to experience the consequences of some decisions. I'm not talking about moods, or things I can walk away from, but things like not doing one's share (or any part) of household chores reliably. Or, making decisions that have a financial impact, or making decisions that have a mental well-being impact. I know I could chose to leave the marriage, but that isn't what I want to do because of a variety of positive characteristics and qualities. So, Back to the program I go, to try to identify my boundaries, how to ask for help, and how to accept help and support from others.
It is supposed to be a real scorcher today for us! I hope you make today a great day, and stay cool if you are similarly impacted by a high heat index!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Scorpi-Thanks for your service and this timely share for me. I kind of slid back into focusing on my A instead of myself. And I couldnt see it until last week. I could tell I was becoming unhappy and anxious, but denial took over. Thanks to program, the light did go on for me last week. My focus had gone astray, my sick self was back, and Im not exactly sure what happened! But Im back to strength and the correct focus and being happy NO MATTER what my A is doing. It doesnt mean I like everything, but I will persevere to make sure I am minding my own business, and not anyone elses. Lyne
I think we can all relate to you and Lyne in sliding back into focusing on our A spouses.....once again getting somewhat obsessed about their choices and behaviors. A couple of weeks ago I was back in that spot. When I found myself constantly agitated with EVERYTHING my AH said and did (or didn't do) I knew it was time to get back to me! However, the old ways of detaching weren't working for me. I would busy myself with what I enjoy or leave the house for hours.....but it wasn't enough.....I needed something new that would take more of my attention and stretch my abilities.
For many years I have toyed with writing.....or the idea of writing. I took a workshop and researched publishing methods, etc. The thought of writing a novel has been with me for decades and although I've brushed aside the notion because I kept thinking I don't have what it takes......the notion keeps cropping back up! Like that quiet nudge, right? Soooo,,,,,when I found myself once again aggravated, agitated, disappointed, disgusted and obsessed......I made the decision to venture into something new for myself and start writing! I read somewhere about taking that first step.....just start. So, I made a plan and have started. You know what? I immediately stopped thinking about hubby. I am excited and enthused about being true to my own needs. Who knows if it will lead to anything.....but my brain is ticking with new ideas and it feels good! Changing the things I can.
Happy Wednesday. Going to be a scorcher here as well. We have rain today, which we need......and a month ago I would have never said that.
Thank you for your service and the daily Skorpi! I also appreciate all the shares and ESH above me. I too can easily relate to this page/reading completely. It took me a while to shake old habits, worries, obsessions, etc. and practice a different way of life, focusing on me and my needs first.
I am grateful that our program allows for progress on a personal level and that we come to realize and accept that perfection is over-rated! I am able to focus on letting go and letting God way more than ever before and so believe that what truly matters is the here/now. I can not change the past and I may/may not experience the future, so why not? Why not just be in the present, and focus on gratitude for what is vs. fear of what is unknown?
Happy Hump Day MIP - already golfed and am cooling my jets as we've got heat warnings for the next few days! Stay safe all and make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The shares resonate and gave me just what I needed to hear today. This is helpful to turn the focus back onto myself. I also can more readily release my desire for someone else to make different choices. ... back to HP...
