The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Having re-reviewed some of the literature on family roles, I'm looking at some of my own traits. One of them is the inability not to take "failure" personally. That go to reaction of deeply believing that failing to foresee xyz caused the failure. It is really really hard to shake that beleif! I'm logically looking at the obstacle I took on ( rescuer tendency), the inherent insanities existing within(alcoholism everywhere) under a legal structure severely archaic and in no small way designed to encourage conflict (colonisation and corruption), and still I feel like I have failed. The results are not even in yet but my instincts tell me the moment of opportunity has passed, betrayal is ahead and I should have seen it coming. Not a great feeling.
A41 I love that you listened to your inner voice and trusted it, learning to take care of ourselves is a challenge as we generally take care of others first and make our needs invisible . when we find a defect, Not beating ourselves up is extremely important. Instead I pray about it and ask HP to provide me with an alternative response That worsks for me Please list your assets and trust the process
I don't know if this helps .. I have tremendous anxiety when I feel like I have done something wong and I really haven't. It really helps to talk it over with someone program aware. As you are doing .. I can only be responsible for so much. I am just not that powerful. Do I screw up umm yes lol. However I'm not less of a human being because I did. Part of that awareness is to remind myself .. I'm just not that powerful. I need to be gentle with myself how would I speak to a friend who did the same thing. Take a big breath and get back up lol. It's all good. Alanon gave me permission to start my day over at any given moment and I'm allowed to be human. Sometimes the person I need to make amends to is me. Big hugs glad to see you back!! S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
a4l - For me, part of acceptance includes that I am a mere mortal being, a perfectly imperfect person doing the best I can. I spent too much time feeling like a failure and self-attacking over not being able to 'see' what was coming (my AH relapse, my 2 A Sons going to the dark side, my mom's decent into alcohol abuse, etc.) As I look back, there is no humanly way I could have foreseen and projected most of what has transpired in my life - good and bad!
I can look back now and not emote about it. It's part of my journey, and while some extremely unpleasant and life changing, it's all made me a better, wiser, calmer person today. I have been distracted here as there is a real chance that both of my sons are relapsing so I've been doing the best I can to take care of me, not break down, fret, worry, blame me or them or God and it's been less than calm/comfortable for me.
Al-Anon has given me the tools and support I need to live a great life, what get's in the way more often than not is what exists between my ears. Each tool I pick up leads me right back to a fundamental key part of my program - Trust the God of my understanding and take care of me by doing the next right thing. The past does not define the present or the future and more will be revealed when I am ready for it.
Be gentle with you! I think as women, mothers, daughters, wives, etc. we really do want to 'save the world' and 'make everyone healthy, happy, etc.' It's a great thought but really unrealistic to put that much pressure on ourselves. I hear you and I can so relate - agree with Serenity that talking it out often helps me come back to my center! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Sending support and please be gentle with you. It took me a long time to accept that I cannot see life coming. Right now, I'm practicing slowing things down and to pause before acting or speaking.
I appreciate so much your responses.
There is a huge canyon between what I desire for myself and what I practically apply.
It's familiar to me to live in a way that is high stress and uncertain. But what I desire is peace and joy. I know now that joy and peace don't come from external sources. Rather they are a state of being that comes from deep love and connection to a higher power and a sense of acceptance in knowing one plays ones part and the rest takes care of itself in it's own divine time and ways. I've touched that place and it's a beautiful space to flow from. Something's out with me. I've slipped back to feeling that anything less than perfect is a failure. This is logically not true. I need to shake it off.
