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Friday morning my BMF found his BEST ever friend DEAD!!!!! his friend/boss is writing to me on private messenger telling me about it, hinting about ME doing something, trying to find my NOW MIA brother who most likely is drinking his sorrows away...
Its sad!! Terrible!!! I knew "Cliffy" for about 50 years or so...all of us from Massachusetts
I had to tell "Hans" that I can't do anything here in Texas..My hands are tied...I have to let go, let brother sort this out after he goes on one big drunk, he will eventually call me...I MUST...I AM detaching from this .....CANT deal with anymore stress.........it is making me sick all the time now with my job loss coming up in about a month...yea, we are done in about a month.......Told my cuzin that yesterday
so Brother is MIA and I am putting him with his HP and letting go....IF WHEN he calls, I'll just listen!!!! nothing else I can do
Cliff Rogers, may you rest in peace..Thank you for being a friend in our family for over 50 years...thank you for taking care of "R" and keeping him above ground for me..
It seems that "R" slept with a woman, a lady I highly disapprove of (another story) and so he had coffee with her Fri. am, then went on down to Cliff's house to pick him up , they were going out..He found Cliff, still warm with his eyes open.."R" closed his eyes and called his boss who is friends with ME, who told me about this, and he was a MESS!!!!! describing how he had to close "Cliffy's" eyes so he could sleep more peacefully
I have known Cliffy for over 50 years..he had a crush on me and lately was asking my bro, "lets go see Rosie" as he still had a feeling for me...NOW I won't get the chance to see if anything could have "ignited" between Cliffy and me...He was a good man..NOT a drinker, but a beer here and there..Hard worker, good earner and a GOOD man!!!!! I'll miss you Cliffy
Nothing but hugs and support here! I am sorry to hear about all the difficulties this has put you through. Accepting the finality of death can be very hard... lean into your support... you are already using your program tools, so you are "ahead of the pain."
I will be praying for some new work venue to come your way, as I know that has been the biggest stressor for you!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Brother Called me this morning and we had a great chat. He told me how sick Cliff was towards the end and I told him I said knowing this, I am glad that he has gone to the other side where he is not suffering anymore, I would never want somebody I cared about to live the quality of life that he was living which was zero. My brother really shared with me all of cliffs health issues and everything and there is no way I would ever feel bad about him leaving and going to the other side. All of my memories of him are great and I have those to think about and Brother took his last pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and he said he is going to smoke one of them each year of the anniversary of his death. Tomorrow he goes out to sea trials on another new ship that he helped put together the electronics on so they are going to go on a several day trip and thats good. Brother sounded really good and like me he accepts that Quality of life is much more important than quantity of life and for someone who is suffering as bad as our friend was, it was best for him to leave and find his freedom from all of that. He left behind good Karma so I know he is in a happy place
I knew he was having heart trouble but I did not know he was that sick, so I am happy for him that he is out of his suffering and in a good place. Brother is doing very well with it because hes kind of on the same mindset as I am. As far as the job goes, Ill just have to trust in my higher self that I am going to find something when I need it. Im doing a lot of good metaphysical meditations to cast negativity and burdens off of me and out into the universe and just focusing on myself and what I am doing and feeling right Now
I am doing lots and lots of good energy meditations so I just have to put trust in myself and my meditations and my sage cleansing and chatting with my angels and spirit guides and just have to trust in my best self within that I will be OK somehow. I guess it is because I know I deserve it just as much as anyone else. I have put in the hard karma I have put in the suffering, now its my turn, and I am going to keep claiming it and keep seeing it until it comes my way, I deserve it
-- Edited by mamalioness on Sunday 14th of July 2019 02:53:09 PM
Rose, it sounds like this is moving in the right direction, the healthy direction...but far more importantly, you handled this so well. It's amazing that you had the innate reaction you did. Not only do you lean into your program, react program, think program...you do it innately. It has become a curriculum for living, a track as to how you live your life.
You have achieved a level, a path, and you are living a wonderful life of recovery.
Looking back to the beginning Rose...you are where you are today, you are living the life you are today, you are in the head-space, mindset, place where you are today...all because YOU did the work way-back when. It is touching, moving, and inspiring to see the work you've done, how far you've come, and the recovery and life you are living.
All the best Rose.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
