The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I forget from time to time because I'm suppose to be the angry one that when I stop engaging with my XAH how much rage he is carrying.
We have been split for 7 years now and divorced for almost 5 years and he is so angry. The problem is he takes this out on me not realizing it's really not "me" he's hurting.
So I have really tried to refrain from saying much of anything and I have tried to update him on what the kids are up to and so on. I can't begin to discuss our oldest without outing him and that's not my job. My youngest is slightly more apathetic which I completely get. I can see and hear there is a part that wants the connection and there is a part that is just whatever dude. I can only do what I can do at this point so I don't say much, I will only bring it up if they do.
His latest "gotcha" is he's not going to "tell" me when he's lowering the monthly bulk payment and it's based upon how much he's paying out for medical, extra and so on. I wish I could post a video of my youngest he's got such a beautiful voice. At this point he's chosen not to share that with his dad. So he's lowered what he paid me because he's having to pay for lessons my youngest is taking this past month. I have put out a few hundred dollars for additional lessons this summer and I have zero regrets.
He had the opportunity to tell me because he made sure to respond to last email I sent with receipts attached. LOL. He really is a piece of sick work. The irony is I'M the most vindictive person he's ever met .. yet HE'S the one who has made sure to make being a single parent as hard as possible.
I am sad for him though. You would think if he's so happy in his life that getting even with me would be the last thing on his mind. They always say the A is unpredictable and honestly mine is so unpredictable he's completely predictable. So none of this actually shocks me however I am shocked none the less when I think my opinion of him can't get any lower .. it does. LOL. It just amazes me for someone who has a wonderful life since he left me that he spews his venom the way he does.
I have a point here and I'm getting to it .. LOL.
Outside of pray for him, because even though I pray please bless that SOB, lol .. my HP knows exactly which SOB I'm talking about. I am choosing not to respond to this because there will be another time to do so .. lol .. he's going to continue to do him. I will bet you money when I send him 1/2 of the bill for the glasses my son is getting that will also be deducted off of that. I am letting go because honestly my life is pretty good even with the hiccups I have currently happening things. My kids are both doing super well.
Is there anything else I can do? I have this burning desire to talk sense to nonsense LOL .. that's so not going to happen. I am sitting on my hands. It is clearly obvious that he's picking a fight.
This is not about obsession of him .. this is about how to handle with grace and dignity someone who is throwing poo and not get into fray of it. This is also different because he's affecting my monthly budget, it impacts the youngest of my two.
On a different note we are taking a trip to their home town and I am so excited and nervous. This will be the first time my friends will meet my significant other and I am very excited about that. He drives me crazy on a good day, tolerates my moods and tries his best to be understanding .. he's so good to the kids and I really don't know what I have done to deserve him. He made me LOL today I had been meaning to ask when we go back if I can see my hairdresser unfortunately we don't have a lot of time in the hometown. Out of the blue today he asked me if I wanted to see her so she could color my hair for me (I normally do it myself and a couple of times have had someone here do it). He even provided times .. LOL! I was tickled. So I am looking forward to this trip .. much quicker than I would like however the idea that we will be hanging out enjoying some time together and it will be us for the week is so nice to think about.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
You know, Serenity, you are "handling" your Ex just fine. You are keenly aware that he is still vindictive, and really doesn't have that great of a life... otherwise he wouldn't be obsessing over you!!! Not responding is great, b/c as you know, trying to apply logical thinking to someone still engaging with their addiction is just crazy making for YOU! You will never get the satisfaction you are desiring regarding that. Time to really embrace Acceptance of that - I mean, the deep in your soul kind of acceptance... b/c your brain knows the 411 on that already!
Sounds like you are really looking forward to your visit to the hometown... you have a gem of a guy... not only did he listen to your wants, but he is trying to make them happen!!! Give him a hug today and tell him, "Just because!" LOL!!
Looking forward to the update on the trip!
Peace, Serenity!!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
LOL .. and I'm probably going to be naughty just because that's part of my sparkling personality that when I adjust my horns I am reminded that they are bedazzled.
I won't do anything I shouldn't and nothing that will get me muddy. It will remind him, .. his weirdo behavior need not apply.
My nightmares have been more frequent and I had that horrible one about him last week, blah .. the other nightmares have not been about him however have left me very shaken. There is so much going on with the kids I wish I could call him and talk to him about it, he's just MIA in the parenting department and has never been present so why would I even think that would change?
S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
