The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Why is it around the holidays that the family falls apart? Everyones emotions are so out of wack?
I just wish I didnt see what I see or hear what I hear! There is nothing I can do. I just let go, no arguments, and look the other way. Hoping the nightmare will be over!
How do you get over that a person who just disappears so much. I cant find him in the house.
All I can say is I do not like one single aspect of an alcoholic.
Hey Riley - holidays and long weekends can be tough with the disease active....I too find prayer and meditation + making a plan helps me get to the other side. It took me a while of practice, practice, practice to just make plans that worked well for me and go it alone if not of interest to my A's. I always have a plan B too - and I have a large group of healthy people who are always willing to go and do something fun/healthy.
Keeping the focus on me and reminding myself that I have the right to a life in lieu of who I share my home with truly helps! Knowing I am only responsible for my own happiness, peace and joy also helps. Lean into your program as best you can and remember that this too shall pass! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
As a retired teacher, I can testify to the fact that holidays bring out emotions, insecurities, expectations and craziness in most families. I would have students who were even keeled all year start to act up and out near the holidays. It was like the V-8 moment of, " Oh....yeah.....no wonder so and so is suddenly difficult....we are approaching Christmas." It is a subtle stress that creeps in and it usually affects pretty much everyone. Adding alcoholism to the mix just amplifies everything even more!
We have been doing some entertaining here for birthdays. It has become more challenging with my AH as his disease progresses....it truly is a crapshoot how it goes. I am usually nervous and anxious with anticipation of his behavior.....but lately I am just going with the flow. I try to make our home as inviting and comfortable for guests as possible and hope for the best. It has been a mixed bag of behavior on his part, but everyone knows his moods are all over the place. They are used to his sarcasm or perfectly sweet demeanor. I have turned down some holiday invitations because I knew/suspected it was a recipe for disaster with the cast of characters invited. Ha Ha. Just know the holidays and special events are stressful for most families even without this awful disease! I've yet to hear about or see anyone's holiday being like the Walton's from beginning to end.
Goodnight John-Boy,
Ellen
-- Edited by El on Sunday 7th of July 2019 11:34:01 AM
Hi Riley,
I think there are a lot of expectations with holidays. For active alcoholics it can be a convenient excuse to ramp up the drinking. For family members sometimes the expectation to have a nice special day with one another without the drinking getting out of hand. But we can be happy whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. I think the best holiday plans are Plan B plans because they put the focus on ourselves and things we would like to enjoy and aren't contingent on the participation of the alcoholics in the family. Having a.Plan B frees us from waiting for others to show up who either won't or can't. I've put this into practice with not just active alcoholic family members but other unreliable people. It's been a good tools for retaining my serenity and limiting my resentments. I'm sorry, Riley. It can feel lonely especially on holidays to live with some who is active in their disease. I hope you do something nice for yourself today.
(((hugs))) TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Expectations for the "perfect" family day so get me into trouble. I had to have a discussion with my oldest about stop stressing about the holidays. Yes, of course we miss you here however at this point adulting comes first for him. As I get older I refuse to allow the holidays to be dictated to me about we are going to this family or that family. So we go to the holidays for Christmas at his parents house and Thanksgiving is at our home. If his parents want to come here (it's not practical for them to come to us really), they are certainly welcome. I like having ONE holiday at home, plus our schedules are absolutely stupid with my boyfriend working the hours he does and I believe that will be considered peak time for him. So no time off at Thanksgiving.
Letting go and allowing things to unfold the way they do are pretty awesome in our home it's just a whole lot less stress and next year we are going to a BIG renaissance faire where we plan on being gone for at least 4-5 days during the holiday.
I'm really excited over that trip and I'm sure we will have some bumps along the way however I'm just not in a mood to have a meltdown over it. Holidays are stressful for a number of reasons, I hated the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop when it came to my X.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
