The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author's defines detachment as "the freedom to own what is mine and to allow others to own what is theirs." After years practicing Al-Anon, the author is able to empathize with someone else's pain without needing to remove that pain. Even when his alcoholic loved one does something wrong, he doesn't feel like has has to change her, and he does not take it personally.
Quote from George Herbert: "Love your neighbor, yet pull not down your hedge."
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To me, the quote means "love, but have boundaries." Simple, but not easy.
I have greatly improved at loving detachment since beginning my Al-Anon journey ... but I certainly can't take it for granted. My main form of non-detachment is worrying about my loved ones, and catastrophizing about what could go wrong for them. I have to put a boundary around today -- just this one day -- and stay inside that boundary.
MIP friends, do you have any techniques for detachment?
Hi Freetime I love this tool as it allows me to be present with those i would have insulted years ago. Today i can allow them to voice their ideas without needing o jump in n express mine. I keep a slogan in my mind to monitor my reactions.
Thanks IAH for your service and for both above shares. Ah detachment, a challenge for sure but when I can be successful with it, it is really a blessing. It is most difficult with my A and when she is going off about something, I sort of tune out and pay attention to my thoughts. I have a little alanon pep talk with myself: I can only control myself, Live and let live, Let go and let God, find my compassion and forgiveness, no sense in arguing, etc. I guess I try to bombard my brain with my tools because they do work. I try to breathe and pause. Progress but never perfection! Lyne
Thank you Freetime. We have had numerous posts on detachment and it certainly is something that one can't "get" just by reading about it. Boy, does it need practice.....imperfect......practice. It is difficult for me to detach without anger or the silent treatment or a huffy, eye-rolling, sighing, sarcastic muttering out the door. When I truly detach in a way that does nothing more than protect my boundaries, it feels wonderful! I might still be upset, but at least I have my dignity and more importantly.....my serenity.
I have found through the program I can detach from crazy-a** gymnastics of the mind, much easier than before program. I'm still working on the physical detachment without all I mentioned above.
Happy Friday one and all! Beastly hot and humid today. Not complaining!
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for the shared above me. I too am better today about detaching myself from others around me and it's still a journey of progress, not perfection with tons of practice! The God of my understanding does give me opportunities daily to work on this! I am grateful for this program and all the tools we are given as the quality of my life, joy, serenity, etc. is relative to the effort I make towards my recovery.
Happy Friday to one and all - started out with a round of golf in lovely cooler temperatures. While close to the finish, we got rained out and hailed on! All my stuff and self were extremely wet and thus ended the golf. I took a long nap and am working on some chores this Friday evening! Hope everyone had a great day and has a lovely weekend coming up!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
