The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about how some of us have sought to fill voids in our lives (for love, attention, approval) with outside sources, such as food, other people, relationships. Recognizing an emptiness and then trying to fill it from the outside is a pattern that many of us have been caught up in. There is a line on this page that particularly stood out to me:
In Al-Anon I learned that when I expect more than others can give, I am setting myself up.
This one rings true for me as I remember having expectations of people around me that probably were not fair to those people! Why would anyone be trying to measure up to some idea of what I think they should be? Conversely, I think I have spent a fair amount of time trying to be what I imagine other people are hoping me to be. This type of conditional relationship is not a healthy one. Learning that the happiness we look for can only be found within our own selves is the lesson I take from this page.
The thought for the day asks what behaviors we use in order to meet our needs, and whether or not those behaviors are working. This is what I will be giving some thought to today. I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday:)
Great topic Mary substituting activities such as food or smoking for feelings was my go to solution. Enter alanon and working the steps I leaned how to feel my feelngs, express them in a healthy manner and move on Thanks for your service
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 30th of June 2019 07:41:23 AM
Thank you Mary for your service, and Betty and IamLynn for your shares.
I am currently wondering and trying to figure out what "hole" in my soul I have been trying to fill. My need to have others think well of me sometimes takes me by surprise... it's like I subconsciously do these behaviors... b/c I sure as heck am aware of them & try not to engage in them!!
Progress not perfection!
Enjoy your Sunday MIP family!!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Same here -PNP. I have been trying to pay attention to this tendency of mine to fulfill whatever roles I think others are expecting of me.
I also have turned to food many times, not for healthy fuel but to fill some kind of void. Im grateful for the program and support to help me in this work in progress
Happy Sunday MIP - thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all of you for your ESH and shares...I can so relate to seeking approval, acceptance and much more from outside of myself, rarely finding long-term relief. I have come to accept that whatever void in me, my heart, my faith, my soul that exists just is and knowing the reason for it is less important than knowing how to mend it. I spent many years as a Quality Expert in business, and as such often try to apply proven methodologies for process to people. It doesn't work well as people are much more complex that processes, and trying to identify the root cause of a life-long habit or defect, to me, can be more time wasted.
For me, any behavior that 'is' can and possibly has been exploited by me at one time or another. Mind-altering substances, shopping, gambling, exercising, dieting, overeating, etc.....just this morning, in processing a negative exchange with my son, the thought of going shopping after my meeting instead of going home popped into my head - the insanity of this idea is that I have way, way more than one needs (food, clothing, toys, etc.) and I am trying to downsize from past shopping 'fixes' as well as a lifetime of pack-rat-ism....I am grateful that the God of my understanding nudged me to instead feel the feelings, continue the processing, talk at the meeting and deal in a more healthy way.
For those who have issues with food, a slogan I found, saw, read or heard some place really helped me - I need to eat to live instead of living to eat. Simple, yet profound and very helpful for me esp. with sugar, excess carbs...
So grateful that we can focus on progress for our measure of success in recovery and that perfection is discouraged! Living with those in reverse really caused me a ton of grief before embracing a different way to be, live and love. I hope everyone has a great, great Sunday!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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