The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The author begins by saying that forgiveness can be a change of attitude. When the author first came to Alanon, they were filled with bitterness toward the alcoholic. In time, they realized that the bitterness was hurting themself more than anyone else and began to look for a new way to think about the situation. With time, the author came to believe that the alcoholic was a messanger from hp telling the author to get help. It wasn't the alcoholic's fault that it took the author so long to get the message. Along the way, the author had chosen to tolerate a lot of intolerable behavior because they were unwilling to admit that they needed help. With Alanon, the author's life began to change in miraculous ways. Hurtful things were said and done along the way, but the author now refuses to carry the burden of bitterness any further.
Today's reminder: i will not allow old resentments to drag me down any longer. I am building a better and more loving life today.
Today's quote: "forgiving is not forgetting. It is letting of the hurt" Mary McLeod Bethune
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Like the author, i was filed with bitterness when i first came to Alanon. I had tried everything i could think of to keep my fur family afloat. I worked, paid what bills i could, kept the house as clean as i could, kept the vehicles running, and did what yard work was necessary. Meanwhile my aw sat on the sofa and drank, or sat in a bar and drank. I was resentful that she didn't seem to notice or care about our deteriorating financial situation or how exhausted i was all the time. I decided to tolerate a situation that was not tolerable. Change was hard. Boundary setting took practice. But I've decided to look at the experience as a way to grow. And I've let go of a lot of grief left over from my first wife's death in the process that i didn't even realize i was still carrying with me. Letting go of the hurt is something i needed to learn, and thanks to Alanon i have been learning to do that.
I'm in the north woods again this week and next, thoroughly enjoying the peace, sounds of nature, lap of water, and rumble of passing trains. Blissfully alone With my dogs this week, aw will join me next week. I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Scorpi for your service and wonderful share. I completely relate to the reading and your efforts to cure the problem of the A. I shutter to think of the emotional pit I was in prior to program. And the faulty thinking I carried did only hurt me. Fast forward to several years with alanon and life has changed, not only the attitude I carry but along with improved quality of life. I also spend half the week without my A living near my son and his family. It is a blessing for me. Lyne
Thank you Skorpi for your service. I hope you have a blissful two weeks in the woods!
When the dust settled, and I was through being the victim, I was angry. All. The. Time. I was so pissed off that my spouse could throw our life/marriage away. I knew he was ill with a disease, but I didn't care. I felt if it was me, I would've done ANYTHING to get better/save the marriage/keep my kid/ - insert your own description here. And in feeling this way, I stayed angry and was moving into bitter-town.
I first decided that I no longer wanted to be that person who is angry and bitter all the time and allows this darkness to consume their soul. No! I wanted better for ME! Once that decision was made, my mind began to open, and I began to realize that I didn't truly understand the disease of addiction, nor was I able to ACCEPT my Ex for who he was within the confines of this disease.
It isn't all unicorns and rainbows though. I am out of the marriage, out of the conjoined Hula Hoops, but I do work on the bitterness almost every day. There are times where I get triggered, and the work towards Serenity begins again... but I am more able and willing to forgive myself for having those feelings.
Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike!!! Guess what day it is? HUMP DU-AAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL! Keep your humor, keep your joy, MIP Family!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Skorpi for the daily and your service! Thanks all for the ESH and shares above me...I too was filled with anger, resentments, bitterness and more when I came to recovery. I really struggled to understand how the many things that had transpired in our family/life could be 'forgiven'!! I thought people at meetings were complete loons.
I read this page and it did not compute in my mind. That's how rage-filled my mind was. It took hearing that forgiveness was for me a million times before it registered. When I stumbled across this page the 2nd time, I was more open and more ready to actually digest the message. Simple for me to digest, accept and embrace - forgiveness is not about forgetting or excusing - it's about moving forward, opening my heart, releasing negativity, etc.
In my mind, before I 'got it', forgiving others who I felt wronged me was a sign of weakness in me. As with others, the more I practiced this program and worked the steps, the more I realized that forgiving actually gave me freedom I never knew was possible and truly did open my mind and heart to trust in a different way of living/loving others.
This is also one of my favorite pages. Of course, being a slow learner, I had to read it a couple times to 'hear it'!
Happy Hump Day all - I ended up golfing today which is usually my day off. One of my golf friends lost her brother to the disease of alcoholism and we took her out for a change of scenery! It was tons of fun and she got to do a lot of talking about her brother, her parents, her childhood, etc. Her brother was her last living family member, and just came back into her life 5 months ago.
Off to golf early tomorrow also - I can honestly say that I really, really love my life! I would not be where I am today without this program. Thank you MIP Family for always being here!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
