The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I am back on the clumsy rhythm of trying to work and do EVERYTHING at home. The A has some skin condtion which he says precludes doing housework. He also injured his thumb pretty badly. And he likes to lay around and feel sorry for himself too of course because since he was diagnosed with his illness he does that a lot. I have asthma and i never know when the wheezing will start. If I wheeze he downplays it oh you should exercise, oh its nothing (I have had status asthmaticus - yeah that was nothing having oxygen loss).
The difference for me is just plain al-anon. I no longer stew in resentment not because I am trying to make it work, feel sorry for him, feel I should try harder. I just let the resentments go because I know they are toxic for me and I am willing to trust the program. When before I would scream and rage at him if I want something from him I'll ask him. He usually remonstrates on what a huge effort it is. I say nothing and just repeat the request nicely. Then he generally does something. I just ignore his tantrums, his sarcastic comments and his comments like "Tell me why I should stay". I just change the subject. I do not ante up and try to let him know how hard my life is or how I feel - he is not the least bit interested in how I feel why share it? He knows it is hard. He makes it harder but then he does DARVO. That is deny, attack reverse victim order. He makes himself the victim all the time.
And what a difference it is to feel a sense of grace under pressure. I just keep moving forward, making choices, making self care a priority, making plans, taking the small significant steps to build a self esteem that was totally ravaged and destroyed a year ago. I am sure my neighbors like the fact there are no more screamathons for them to listen to. They may hear him raise his voice they don't hear mine anymore. I am certainly glad to not have to add that to my list of things to feel bad about. I can hold my head up when I go out of the house and begin the journey back to being a person rather than keeping my eyes downcast because I wonder how I got here.
Maresie - grace is something I have been looking for as well. I do liken it to serenity because when I have serenity, grace usually follows :) Thanks for your post hon.
I wish I had your grace. I am loosing it. But you give me hope that I can pull it together. Thank you for that. Love and blessings to your and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks Maresie its good to hear that even though the a may not change we can change and be better for ourselves. I need that grace and serenity in my life especially during those times when the "a" gets to feeling angry or sorry for himself.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Keep Looking uP! finding the way to detach and of letting god have those things you can not control. 
serenity
mare))))