The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning MIP. Today's reading in Courage to Change discusses Step 9...the author asks the question, "How do I know whether or not to take action?" for that portion of the step that suggests we need not make direct amends to those injured if, in doing so, we might cause further injury.
The reading goes on to suggest that if the previous steps, especially Step 8 have been done thoroughly, the opportunities will arise when we are ready. That's the power of turning over our will/lives to the care of God, as we understand him.
Reminder: My Higher Power does not put any challenges before me that I am unable to face. The comfort I find in that knowledge can overcome my fears.
Quote: "The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are." from John Burroughs
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I know for my recovery that being willing to make amends opened up doors to mend relationships, rebuild broken ones and better understand others in my life with compassion and empathy. Prior to recovery, I looked at every event in my life with a selfish regard for how it affected/affects me. I had forgotten that others were involved, others were also affected by this disease and others are also humans, designed to be imperfect.
More than not, in my amends, being willing and open to own my mistakes, defects, insecurities and fears has given me the grace to look for the similarities in others vs. the faults of differences between us. I have been grateful too for the, "When in doubt, don't!" slogan as it's kept me from clearing my side of the street at the expense of others. I have been able to practice living amends through recovery in situations where direct amends might cause more damage than not.
Happy Tuesday (((MIP))). Betty is off cruising, so I'm filling in. I am honored to do so! Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning, MIP! And thank you for your service, IAH!
two things about today's reading are exactly what I needed to hear: my HP doesn't give me challenges I am not ready to face, and the opportunities to make amends (or make changes) will arise when we are ready.
My thoughts today are more in the direction of establishing healthy boundaries (which appears to be my leitmotiv lately!) and honoring the difference between myself and others - where do I end and where does someone else begin. And, something that came up at my home group last weekend: Have a great day, unless you decide otherwise. I'm sort of jumbled this morning, I think, but I am reminded again that there is always something in the daily reading that I can hang on to and apply to my life, even if the overarching topic isn't exactly where I am on a given day.
Specifically related to step 9, I didn't really know how making amends was going to work for me, but I trusted my HP, and when I felt a nudge - as if the timing was right, I found the opportunities I needed to make amends and actually making amends was less scary after the first few. I found that my friends and family were as excited to reconnect as I was.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Our shared experiences regarding amends making are very supportive and confirming that our program is real and really works and that our Higher Powers are not figments of our imaginations. following HP's direction thru the use of our steps and the shared experiences got me miracles that were real and not imagined. I had victims of the disease in my life that were very grateful to understand that it wasn't really their fault that the offenses happened and the amends brought them understanding, gratitude and comfort. Mahalo Al-Anon Family Groups. ((((hugs))))
I found that my friends and family were as excited to reconnect as I was.