The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, June 10, discusses the 8th Step: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
This step was difficult for the author as they felt they absolutely could not make amends to some people. As the author forged ahead, making amends became easier as they worked with their sponsor. Eventually the author felt relieved of guilt as they owned up to their responsibilities.
The quote by Confucius: It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
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I will admit that when I did the Steps for the first time when I was new to program, this step did give me some discomfort and worry about approaching people I had harmed. What if they were hostile towards me, or laughed in my face, or a host of other negative results I could think of.
As I am repeating the steps now several years later, I am not struggling at all. And as I hit Step 4, I began apologizing to a few people I realized I had hurt as I did my inventory. I feel proud of myself for making amends to those I have hurt, wherever possible. Lyne
There is something subtle in this Step... "became willing to make amends to them all." All you need is to be WILLING. Many times, an amend cannot be made, or will do more harm.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you, Lyne! Yes, I agree with PnP about the subtlety of the step. ....became willing to make amends. For me this is a very big step because I was one who held grudges and wanted to share the blame.....not take sole responsibility, not even for my own role. I was a yeah, but person. Becoming willing is progress for me!
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. All the steps brought me discomfort when I first arrived simply because I was in denial about my part, my behavior, my choices, my contribution to the chaos/dysfunction. It was much, much easier to place blame/shame on others and to not have to look at me!
My sponsor helped greatly by reminding me over and over again to keep things simple and remember I am human and humans make mistakes. I also missed the 'willing to make amends' when I first read this so also projected outcomes that did not align with reality. I am grateful today that I know FEAR really does mean False Expectations Appearing Real, and that projecting or assuming to know what's coming next is a waste of time.
Great quote and true for my recovery. We often say around here that when affected by this disease, we are either moving forward or going backwards - there is no standing still in recovery....moving forward is the best/healthiest path!
Happy Monday all - got to golf today, spend time with the parents and go to taco night! Full, busy day - grateful to be present!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
