To the best of my knowledge, Al-Anon is not anti-alcohol. It recognizes that some people have a disease where they cannot drink moderately, but takes no position on whether or not we Al-Anons should drink. That is an individual choice.

My hunch is that the speaker was trying to be sensitive to anyone in the room who would be triggered by mentions of alcohol. In the past, that would have been me. Earlier in my journey, I had become very sensitive to any mention or sight of alcohol -- after all, I believed that substance was taking my husband from me and bringing us nothing but pain and misery. Jokes about drinking were not funny to me. I was triggered by seeing or hearing anything about alcohol -- advertisements, store displays, wine glasses, beer coasters, corkscrews. I remember the time I was invited by some long-timers to have dinner with them at a restaurant before the meeting.  I was shocked when some of them -- my Al-Anon role models -- ordered wine.  I wasn't ready for that.

I'm a lot calmer these days, and I do enjoy a glass of wine every now and then. But I empathize with anyone who has been affected by an active alcoholic and finds the subject painful to listen to.

-- Edited by Freetime on Thursday 30th of May 2019 11:55:00 PM

We must remember that  many people can drink alcohol and limit themselves.   Alanon has not expressed an opinion on the subject of alcohol that is left up to the individual members

I know many members who enjoy a drink now and then. Some may be alcoholics themselves and not realize it - but it's not my place to decide that for them. As others have said, there are lots of people out there who do not have the physical allergy to alcohol that leads to addiction.

Remember this - the drinking is a symptom of the alcoholic's disease. Not the cause. A symptom. This means alcohol itself is not the cause of their disease, either.

Alcoholism is a spiritual disease.

That said, I myself choose not to drink. It's not because I want to make sure others around me feel comfortable. Or because I'm trying to manage my image and not look like a hypocrite. It's because I don't like how alcohol makes me feel and behave when I drink it, and because my family tree has such a robust history of alcoholism in it, I feel like I'm playing Russian Roulette any time I imbibe. I'd rather not go there. I can relax and enjoy myself in other ways. But I recognize that as a personal choice only and do not expect Al-Anon members to believe the same as I.

As others have said, the Al-Anon program as a whole has no position on alcohol.

Elabella,

I enjoy a drink from time to time. This is a very personal choice especially given the triggers some people have around it. I completely respect that, so sometimes i'm out and I have a drink and sometimes I'm out and I don't drink. I think for me I want to show my children that there is such thing as moderation. They haven't seen a lot of that .. it's usually all or nothing. There is such thing as saying no and that's perfectly fine. Teaching them that you don't have to drink or be in an altered state of mind to have a good time is paramount. It's ok to say no and still have a good time. I also have concerns about making it a challenge .. see I can have just one. So we talk about drugs and alcohol and they ask questions and I answer. That's not to say I have a guarantee they won't wind up with an addiction issue.

Both of my kids have been down a road with their dad (my X), my oldest went down a super dark path when he started school and that was a hot mess. That was drinking, pot and Xanax. I knew something was wrong I didn't know HOW wrong .. when I found out how wrong he was coming down and out of control completely .. that was a tough time. I did NOT handle this situation well on any level .. there was a whole lot going on I knew was not ok and just really didn't know to what point until he got sobered up completely. Things have really been a whole lot better, that was almost 2 years ago now. My oldest at this point is not 21, .. rule is you leave this house sober .. you come home sober .. if you can't do that then you need to find another place to live .. I can't go down that path again. I explained that to him .. his dad already used that up in me. He gets it. He knows how bad I was during that time and I just can't again. I have been through enough with the oldest .. LOL. My youngest decided to pick up where the oldest left off only to much messier and mother nature dire consequences, his was to try vodka .. OMG .. I was not impressed and by the end of his experimenting neither was he. Mother nature really bit him in the butt and honestly thank God for Alanon because I didn't over react. I let him handle it in terms of the natural consequences. He wasn't impressed or anxious to go around that again .. hours of vomiting .. (this all occurred at a now x friends house, he decided on his own that real friends don't let you roll around in your own vomit and not wake their parents). I was not impressed however I was impressed with his choices after (I have told him that too) .. it didn't hurt that he smelled vodka and sour vomit for days and I mean like 7 days after the initial incident. 2 days after we were washing sheets daily because for him everything smelled like vomit. It didn't hurt that we addressed the issue when he was sober and I never raised my voice. For him that was the worst .. it would have been easier if I had freaked out. It didn't hurt that he fully understood why drinking was meant for adults and not kids. None of which I needed to impart to him. Again mother nature can be a mean ass teacher, and his biggest question and comment was how do people get up the next day and go to work after something like this? I told him imagine doing what you did every.single.day. That's how you feel every day .. how much do you have to hate yourself to put yourself through something like that and not be able to stop. I do find addiction to be self punishment as well as they physical obsession. My opinion .. lol .. that's how I see it.

I would rather have those conversations than not talk about it or say alcohol/drugs bad .. you are a bad person if you do those things. That doesn't do anything except add to the guilt if they have been using or drinking. So again .. super personal choice .. and no one has the right to tell you yes you should or no you shouldn't .. you feel how you feel. Interestingly enough studies have been shown that what I call super codies who are with their active A's have more of a chance of going down the road of alcoholism because they are trying to morph to their A's .. it's what a codie does. I don't know why I didn't drink when I was with my XA maybe because I was subconsciously punishing him .. or if I felt like I couldn't drink because HE had the problem. I def had a problem with how I responded and rationalized my own drinking when I was with him. Now it just is what it is .. if I feel like something I have it if not I don't, usually I'm just to lazy .. I have to go buy it and then it turns into a whole inner dialog of do I need it, it's expensive .. I could do XYZ instead .. LOL. By that time I'm exhausted and over the drink .. LOL.

Hugs .. keep coming back and you aren't alone in this question.

Elabella - the best part about recovery is each of us gets to practice suggestions that work for us! Both programs suggest 'when the hand of .... reaches out' - intending that we help others when/who ask for it. I host a Women in Recovery taco night each Monday, and we've got AA and Al-Anon attendees. I do know some of the Al-Anon member enjoy a drink once in a while, yet they've never ordered at the restaurant, and have never asked about it. It's just become an unspoken thing that may/may not change - who knows.

Just keep doing you, keep asking and growing - that's how we learn! Great topic...thanks for the post!