The material presented
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Posting a bit early because my tomorrow falls under the "crazy busy" category.
May 15th's reading is about affection and the author's response to the hugs they often see exchanged after meetings. The author shares that they used to avoid the hugs - leaving meetings right away. The author couldn't imagine people behaving in this affectionate way. There had been no such displays of affection in the author's home as a child. The only types of touch the author knew were negative.
The Al-Anon members were patient with the author, inviting them to come back, even though hugs were refused. The members respected boundaries the author set without questioning or judgement.
In Al-Anon, the author found a safe and nurturing atmosphere where they have come to realize that unconditional love can be expressed in many ways.
Today's Reminder: I will not let old fears keep me away from the support that is available to me. I am worthy of love and respect.
Today's Quote: "Love is not consolation, it is light." Simone Weil
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I really identify with today's reminder. I was discussing this topic with some alanon members in my face-to-face group, and I reflected on my newfound ability to reach out and ask for help when I need it, without expectation that any one person will absolutely, always, say yes. I can reach out to a community of people for help, and I can respect their time and abilities. If someone isn't able to help, I don't take it personally, and there are others I can ask instead. Asking for help is one of my core fears, not because I don't think I need it, but I'm afraid that I know no one who is willing to help. Thanks to AlAnon, I am seeing how wrong this fear is.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
At meetings- today... I can mostly read people's personal space... legacy of heaps of meetings- especially newcomers.
[And- oh yes... there was a time when i used to gate-crash other people's conversations- and hope for the best! ]
Sometimes a touch on the elbow- or on the shoulder is all that is needed... sometimes eye contact alone.
I grew up in the 50's and 60's when touching was more or less taboo. Kids were pushed off the knee and expected to grow up pretty fast.
Today- I watch dads especially- pushing prams and have heaps of contact with their kids. Mums even more so- of course!
So I do see some hope for the future!
I alway appreciate a long warm hug- in Alanon, most usually, in the rooms- with heaps of people about! I am proud to know that I have won the right and respect and trust to be there- and the other person has too. ....
I loved reading Simone Weil, in my youth- lovely quote. ...
Dear Skorpi thank you for posting this inspiring message. Being able to give and receive love has been a great asset added to my life from attending alanon meetings . In my foo we said the words but hugs etc were never available..
Love the quote it is so true. Take care and thanks for your service
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily! Thank you also for your ESH and share as well as the others above me. We were not very physically affectionate in my FOO...and I love yous were not super common either. It was assumed I suppose, and it is in recovery that I began to hug my parents and tell them I love them. Also, with my brothers!
Because of past abuse, I am a guarded person in groups and meetings. I have no issue with giving/getting hugs from women. I am much more likely to extend a hand to men in groups and meetings. It's a personal boundary issue for me and over the many years, there have been some men who've been a bit too touchy, and I've had to state and restate my boundary. I have many close friends in recovery that are men, we just keep ourselves at arms length as most of us are married and that's the example we try to show for new members.
I have gotten much better over time in asking for help. There are times when that is just someone to sit with me as I grieve or give me a ride or ... What I have learned is that most folks are more than willing to assist another - they just need to be asked!
Enjoy your Wednesday MIP! I am looking forward to more nice weather, my golf fitness class and a few errands/chores! Make it a great one!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
thanks Scorpi for your service and all above shares. We had an amazing F2F meeting last night and I initiated hugs to several people. This action took me a long time to put into practice. I was often on the receiving end but not initiating. What surprises have come to me from this program, are all blessings, Lyne
This is yet another aspect about face to face meetings that I value so much. We all get to practice supporting one-another, setting boundaries, and respecting boundaries in a person-to-person environment. My Al-Anon meetings are like a safe little petri dish where I get to experiment with such things without fear of rejection.
I know I personally love the hugs. I feel like I cannot get enough. I grew up in a family that hugged, but I still felt like deep down I'm not enough. In their own ways, the hugs validate me each and every time that yes, I AM enough, and I am a loveable person.
Thank you Skorpi and all who posted before me. I think the hugs at meetings add another layer of support and acceptance.
The hugs in my FOO were brief and felt somewhat/only obligatory. We went through the motions, but they were superficial at best.....like those air-kisses seen mocked on TV. I learned to hug from my stepdaughter! She gives the most fabulous, meaningful hugs and the difference is incredible. I am still a little hesitant to hug people I hardly know....but those I do.....I hug with depth of feeling.
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