The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning MIP! Today's reading talks about self-esteem and self-worth. The writer is complimented by another member of her group, and feels undeserving and awkward! Her reactions to the complement helped her realize how far down her feelings of self-worth had sunk while living with an alcoholic.
At the suggestion of her sponsor, she made a list of the things she liked about herself. The list was short and the writer felt embarrassed and awkward again. Her sponsor agreed with everything on the list and deterred her from trying to negate the list or anything on it. This small action, uncomfortable as it was, began the journey of learning to like herself again and to see the many qualities that are worthy of compliments.
Reminder --- One way to learn to love myself is to accept the love of others. Even if I don't feel deserving, I can be grateful for another's kindness. And if I appreciate something about someone else, I can tell them so. A small gesture can go a long way toward healing a hurting soul.
Thought from As We Understood . . . --- "I've heard people in Al-Anon say they got back their self-worth. I never had any in my life, so it was a whole new feeling to like the person called 'me'."
When I arrived at Al-Anon, I felt very broken - at all levels. I had battled the disease, the diseased, God, and just about every other person, place or thing with the best of intentions. I felt like a failure at so many, many levels and recycled the past in my mind over and over and over again. Most often, the outcome of these 'sessions' was either I was right and 'they' were wrong or 'they' were right and I was 'wrong'. It never really occurred to me that we both could be right or we both could be wrong and how destructive this type of processing/thinking is to a psyche already bruised by this disease.
Small action steps, such as asset lists, gratitude lists, etc. helped me change my outlook and attitudes about me, life, the disease, others. Today, I know that I am loved, loving, lovable, worth and deserving. Even on days when I don't feel 'it', I make sure to acknowledge my assets and worthiness through positive affirmations, as I consider all that I am and all that I have to be gifts from the God of my understanding.
I was born into the disease and it's been a part of my family longer than I have been. I know my parents and family are doing the best they can with what they have. Recovery has allowed me to love me enough to claim my power and place in this world, and to extend the same grace to others. It is the small suggestions in recovery that laid the framework for me to release my fears and work the steps for a way better life than I imagined! I am grateful for Al-Anon, a HP that loves me unconditionally and all who came before me to show me a better way of living.
Happy Thursday all - off to golf in a while on a beautiful course that will be quite soggy as we've had more than enough rain. I am excited to be outside, enjoying nature with healthy friends who make me feel valued, make me laugh and build me up! The healthier me of today attracts and prefers a different 'breed' of people, and genuinely enjoys life on life's terms! Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning, MIP family, and thank you, Iamhere for your thoughts on the daily!
I have recently been wondering if I was born with low self-esteem. I lived most of my life "faking it until I made it." Except I have never really "made it." It was just some grand facade... not the "real" me. I am exploring in my childhood to see where this originated... I thought I had an idyllic childhood... so confused as to where my feelings of inadequacy have come from. There has to be an origin to my deep feelings of having to be perfect, and not accepting that way of thinking is distorted!
It has been only until recently, that I have realized just how much I don't believe in myself! Working on that each day. Trying to do better, be better... all the while making sure to keep in mind Iamhere's mantra that I am 'perfectly imperfect!'
Going to meet a program friend tonight for dinner... can't wait!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you IAH for your service. I battled having no self-esteem and no self-worth for close to my entire life, even though I was an excellent student, had a career in the arts, and then became very good at a career in mental health. I too, was just way too broken. In my Foo of 6 people, parents and 4 kids, we all suffered from self-hate in varying degrees. I believe it was in our genes and then practiced before us in real life.
Alanon has changed a lot of things for me, especially my sponsor asking for a daily asset list early on. After about a year and a half of doing this, I had pages of positive things about ME! When I started it was a struggle to name one thing, and as time went on, I could "see." I still see the defects but I no longer dwell on them. I try to change them. This program has truly changed my life, Lyne
Self esteem and self worth weRe foreign terms to me when i entered program. my sponsor suggested AN asset and graitudE list to me and that was whEN i saW these grow.
Thank you IAH and all who have shared. I was well into my adulthood before I could reclaim any self esteem. It is easy to see in my FOO that confidence and placing one's needs first was severely frowned upon and squashed. Perhaps it is a process of age as well.....but Alanon has made a big difference in how I look at myself....not in relation to others, but how I see myself as a stand-alone.
