The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"Yes, but..." In today's reading from Courage to Change, the author reflects on these words, and how they have become a useful tool for identifying times when the author is refusing to accept something over which they are powerless. The author reflects on all the beautiful, wonderful gifts HP has provided, and asks whether it is worth denying these gifts by wishing that things were different. The author ends by determining that this day is too precious to hold onto a harsh tone, unkind word, or apparent indifference of another - all things that the author cannot change. Instead of holding onto these negative moments, the author decides to accept reality as it is because this leads to serenity.
Today's Reminder: While I am responsible for changing what I can, I have to let go of the rest if I want peace of mind. Just for today I will love myself enough to give up a struggle over something that is out of my hands.
Today's Quote: "By yielding you may obtain victory." Ovid
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Today's reminder and quite are among my favorites. I've often thought that I was powerless over everything, that I couldn't change anything. Thanks to work in the program, I now know that I do have the power to change myself and my approach. Today's reading has always encouraged me to accept things as they are, decide where my power is in relation to them (aka what I can do myself to respond to whatever situation in a way that I want), ask myself how important whatever situation is to me, and decide whether engaging will lead to serenity, or if detachment will lead to my personal serenity.
I've had plenty of opportunity to practice this process since my recent move. I've opted more and more for detachment, probably in part because the most important thing was getting out of the old house on time. Recently, I've been thinking about how important certain things are to me, and whether my detachment/lack of engagement is really leading to my own serenity, or if it is encouraging me to accept things I find unacceptable. That balance is something that I am working on a lot, and something that I think I am getting better at with practice.
My great news for the week is that I was able to fix my hot water heater over the weekend, so I am no longer heating water in an electric tea kettle, except when I am actually making tea! Hot water seems like a total luxury now, and every time I turn on the hot water tap, I'm grateful that hot water runs out.
I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
(((Skorpi))) - yay for you and the repair! Pat yourself on the back for acceptance, detachment and just doing the next right thing!
I can so relate to the 'Yes, But....' phrase. I was one who lived and survived (insanely) by Yes, But..... as well as If Only and When .... Then. Before recovery, I was never present and certainly thought that fighting everything and everyone was the proper path forward. My ego and my will were in control even when I was miserable while 'getting my way'.
For my recovery, I really struggled to let go and let God before I actually accepted alcoholism as a disease and came to believe in a power greater than self. I so love the serenity prayer in that it quickly reminds me what I can change and what I can't and aligns me with my HP so I can determine his will for me vs. my will for me.
I am grateful that I have worked to remove but from my vocabulary. What I've been taught is that all words that follow but negate all the words before it. That's powerful for me in how I used to use the word but so I pause long enough to ensure my words have authentic meaning and not mixed messages. I used to say things like, "I love you but I don't like your attitude." Today, I am able to just say, "I love you." My opinion or thoughts on the attitude of another fall into 'not my hula-hoop'.
Happy hump day all - grateful to be in recovery and for MIP!!! Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Scorpi for your service and both shares. I also lived by yes, but and if only, especially where all my As were concerned. Im not sure I could have released those two sayings without alanon. I have had tons of therapy, but the alanon teachings are different, special, and important. I do have a much better life now being able to live in the moment I have ODAT, Lyne
Thank you Skorpi for your service. Great job on the water heater too!!! It is funny how many things we take for granted - like they aren't a real, tangible thing that can be missed - until they are gone and we have to figure life out without that "luxury."
I really enjoyed the reading today. I realized that I seemed to always live in that "Yes, but..." zone. I don't think I was even aware that I said it that much until just now. All of a sudden I can see how those two little words were connected to my Ego and getting what I want. I think before - if I thought of them at all - I looked at them as Justifying my actions.
I must say, I really, really liked Iamhere's words about, when you say, "Yes, but..." it essentially negates all that you've have said before those two words. Powerful stuff!
I am going to chew on this throughout my day today.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Dear Skopi Thank you for your service and the l reminder about my former"go to" tool: "Yes but" tOday Thanks to program principles, HP and the slogans, i can now implement a whole slew of powerful tools to help me to change. Iam ever grateful.
