The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The courage to change readings for today May 6 suggested alcoholism is a disease and in arguing with the disease is a waste of our time and energy. It suggests that we would not argue with the person that had cancer or diabetes suggesting thatwe could stop the symptoms though fighting.
If we accept the fact that alcoholism is a disease we will stop fighting with the alcoholic and turned the focus on to ourselves
It is a waste of time to engage in arguments with the alcoholica as many alcoholic would sop if i they could . . They would have long ago. it does no good to argue. We can make a decision that we will not waste time pleading with alcoholism and make a resolution to stop blaming the alcoholic as this is beyond his or her control, including the compulsion to drink. Instead we can make efforts where they can be both good .
I was there myself and am so grateful for my recovery I know that improved health of one family member can have a profound effect on the rest of the family when I accept that alcoholism is a disease it becomes easier to recognize that I too have been affected by something beyond my control and to begin to recover.
Whether or not the alcoholic achieves sobriety the time for the family members to begin working on the emotional recovery is now.
Today is the 12th Anniversary of my son's passing from this dreadful disease and i am so grateful I had embraced alanon during that painful time .
(((Betty))) - good morning and please know that prayers for peace, joy and happy memories of your son are headed your way from my small part of the world. I thank you for your service and the daily. I too, in spite of my own personal experience, held fast to denial that I could pass this disease through genes to my sons. I battled reality, the disease, the diseased and others and it was exhausting and maddening.
I resisted the real solution - acceptance of the disease as it presents, progresses and infiltrates the human mind, body and soul. I really felt 'if only'.............. then ............... What truly worked for me was embracing recovery, aligning with a God of my understanding, realizing what powerlessness truly is and accepting what is instead of daydreaming of what should/could be.
I have no idea what the future holds for me or anyone but I do know that just for today, I can choose to focus on me and what gives me peace of mind, serenity and joy. One Day at a Time, I can and do love my life in spite of the many challenges presented. Happy Tuesday - we had powerful storms overnight and more planned today/tomorrow. I am thrilled to be lounging this morning, with no need to go/be/do anything!!
Be gentle with you Betty and know that we got your back! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
{{{Betty}}}. 12th anniversary must be difficult to comprehend. At least it is for me, in thinking about the amazing life you have created in spite of this life changing tragedy. Prayers for you, and best wishes that you find some joy and inspiration in your day. You definitely inspire me!
I tried so hard, for so many years, to get my A to stop drinking. It wasnt until I had the courage to join alanon that I learned how to handle things so differently. My A is sober now, but there are many difficult issues still occurring in this marriage. However, with ODAT and Letting go and letting God, I have a much better life. I have many things to be grateful for and I have the opportunity to practice alanon daily. Lyne
(((((((((((((((((((Betty)))))))))))))))))))) 12 years!!!! Wow!!! What an inspiration you turned into...As he rests in peace and wholeness, i am sure your son is smiling that you took the al-anon road instead of remaining devastated over something he was so sick with.....
My mother drank herself to death..She just could not live with herself , not protecting us from that monster..i know , between his domestic abuse and her guilt/shame, she coldn't cope w/out being drunk..That was her escape...Life was not livable to her w/out her bottle...i forgive her...i love her...I miss the REAL her...The one who took hours to curl my massive, thick, course hair for my acting on stage , going with me, rain or shine to my ballet recitals, watching me play the piano with my instructor....I miss our wrestling matches and tree climbing contests and oh yea, at the end , our riding our bikes....looking back, she , when having fun with me, had no real desire to get "medicated" but when he was around??? she had to have her drink..her escape....I have learned that I love her, separate from the disease...the alcoholism was just an illness she had...it WAS NOT HER!!!!!!
Betty, I've learned so much from you, I could never pay you back for the examples you have set and the support and friendship you have given me over the years, so I just "recycle" all the good you have influenced me with....
I read this post a couple of days late, Betty. Anniversaries can be so tough....I am thinking of you and your strength in the program which has seen you through. Bless you.
without you sll and my alanon tools i would be in a world of trouble and pain