The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been going to meetings and getting myself back on track. My exbf has decided to work on himself for the better. He left his toxic relationship and is working on himself. Turns out he was being physically and mentally abused in his toxic relationship. I'm glad he is working on his issues. He wants to go on dates but I feel it is too soon. Everyone's recovery path is their own. It has only been a month since all this happened. For me, I was in recovery for years before divorce then after my divorce I was single for 3 years before I could even consider taking a date with anyone. I told him we could be friends for right now and see where our friendship takes us.
Today I am grateful for my fur baby
-- Edited by Wndrwmn on Tuesday 30th of April 2019 05:38:22 AM
(((Wndrwmn))) - good to see you again! Love my fur baby too - she's a bit jumpy today as we've got thunder, lightning and storms....
I am a firm believer of 'when in doubt, don't'. Before recovery, I always had an unexplained urgency to do, resolve, answer, etc. It was exhausting and overwhelming. Today, instead, I really try to keep things simple, focus on my journey and allow the God of my understanding to lead me where I am to go.
Keep doing you - it looks awesome on you! I am grateful today that I really am comfortable in my own skin and can have a peaceful, joyful life, one day at a time! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Greetings wndrwmn-Your plans sound well thought out, pausing, and taking things slowly. Good for you. I also have been able to slow down, Think, and for the most part, get rid of urgency. It allows me the time I need to make a good decision. Keep on keeping on, Lyne
That's what this program is about. Taking good, loving care of ourselves.
I find when I take good care of myself and put myself first, my cup "runneth over" and I am then actually better able to be a good supportive loving friend to those around me. It may not sound supportive saying "no" to someone, but in the end, depending on the circumstances, it is--as convoluted as that sounds!
Looking out for number one eventually benefits number two!
Co-dependency is very, very common, and can be a major part of alcoholism, drug addiction, any addiction for that matter. It's incestuous with enabling, detachment, denial, deflection, and so much more.
It's great that you are keeping the focus on you. That's what we learn, that's what we are supposed to do in alanon. Our recovery is OURS. Their recovery is theirs. Plain and simple. LOL.
What he wants to do (about dates) is about him. Don't let it "sway" or "impact" you. You do what you are supposed to do, what's best, what's healthy, for you. Interesting how he just "left his toxic relationship" and was "physically and mentally abused" -- and he wants to go on dates. Don't focus on that, but note it as interesting. Don't analyze it, but note it. I too was -- in recovery, separated, then divorced, for a good couple of years before I would even consider going on a date. However, I had incredible focus and clarity in and around me, who I was, what I was doing, etc.
Keep focusing on you and working on yourself. It's amazing isn't it!!!
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
