The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning MIP. Today's reading talks about reaching out to other members in Al-Anon for support or help. The telephone, a lovely modern invention, seems hard to pick up - esp. when we are new in recovery. Many of us have been conditioned to 'not be a burden' yet we find in Al-Anon that reaching out for help is beneficial to both parties.
For members who've been around for a bit, that phone calls gives an opportunity to review the program basics. For the newer member, they often get ESH and support which provides comfort, compassion and understanding. The reading talks about 'bookend' efforts - we make an Al-Anon call before taking action and we follow the action with a second call. This is a way to share our risks and courage with others who will love and support us, no matter what happens.
When we talk about what we are doing and how we feel before taking a difficult step, it becomes possible to act with confidence and serenity.
Reminder: I will reach out to another Al-Anon member today. If that person is busy or unavailable, I'll make another call.
Thought from Alateen -- Hope for Children of Alcoholics: "We must learn to lean on others and sometimes accept others' leaning on us . . . We can't do it alone."
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When I finally embraced Al-Anon recovery and all that comes with it, I found a great tribe of others who loved me until I could love myself. I did not arrive with much trust, and they truly helped me determine how/who to trust and with what. It has been a process for me, with many starts and stops and that phone really felt like it weighed 50+ lbs!
I no longer feel like a burden to ask another for help. Practice, practice, practice is all that helped me. I make sure I touch base each day with at least one program friend - sponsor or sponsee or just trusted friend. It's just one of many tools I use each day to help keep me in the center of the boat, where my serenity is most balanced.
Enjoy your day all - off to golf in a while and softball this evening! Make it a great day and keep your joy!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I was lucky when I got a sponsor, her first requirement of me was to call her every weekday for the first month at an agreed-upon time. This built the habit of picking up the phone and calling. We still have a regular weekly phone call, but because of that experience with her, I've also become okay with calling when we don't have a scheduled call, too, because - as she put it - life doesn't happen on schedule.
If I called and ended up getting her voice mail, I'd leave her a message - even if what I was calling about didn't seem to be that big of a deal to me. (And I implore anyone reading... if you get voicemail, PLEASE leave a message. The person you're reaching out to cannot help you if you don't at least say what's going on, if even briefly. They care about you!)
If she wasn't available and I felt completely ready to jump out of my skin, I'd call another member.
Asking for help is definitely scary to do at first. But with practice it gets easier and easier, and eventually you do find you get to pay it forward, as you start getting your own sponsees or just having other friends in the program getting in touch with you when they're needing to reason things out with someone else.
Thanks IAH for your service. Yes it is very hard getting started outside of meetings, and for me, trust was really an issue. After I began trusting my sponsor, group members became easier.
As it happened, a group member and I started texting each other daily. This did not start in the beginning but maybe after a year or two. Now several years down the road, we check in with each other every morning. It's a comfort and supportive. It works for us. We talk program and sometimes say which slogans we will attempt to work on during the day. We never made this a plan and there are no rules. If one of us is having a rough time we are welcome to text the other. It's a bonus to my entire program, Lyne
Thank you IAH and all who have shared. I agree that human contact is so important for recovery. I am an introvert and really need my alone time. However, it was only by reaching out to others that I found help and healing.
After 4 years in Al-Anon, I have started reaching out to more people. That is where the miracles happen. Just recently at a meeting I heard someone share a situation that I am also facing. I talked with her, and we have been getting together for coffee.
The beauty of all this is that I get to choose when, how, and with whom to share my story. "Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too." Those are the people who can help me, and when we speak the Al-Anon language, there is a real connection -- and if I can help them, too, it is a blessing.
Thanks IAH. I always get so much out of reading others' posts and responses. I still haven't spoken up in my in person meetings, and rarely post here. You've inspired me to reach out more :)
Thanks for reminding us of the importance of connecting with other members. I thank alanon for allowing me the right to connect with other like minded members. because we all grow with these connections since this is a fellowship of equaals. Thanks for your service
Thank you, IAH and all who shared. I was always worried about bothering someone, or calling at an inconvenient time. Now with texting, I can touch base first to see if / when we can talk. It helps tremendously to get even a few words of support.
No one understands like a fellow member. Great shares.
