The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The O DAT reading for April 23 speaks about the power of sarcasm. The reading points out that it is true sarcasm does relieve our pent-up feelings as our remarks are usually very pointed and can secretly provide us great satisfaction.
Even though sarcasm is repugnant in itself and is even more distasteful when we find it comes from the Greek word meaning to" tear flesh"
That means that in the use of sarcasm the irony is that the speaker is motivated by score. That we use this weapon against the trouble drinker is unthinkable. We need to I promise ourselves not to do it ever again as we have no right to scorn anybody since we can never know what creates the need to behave as they do. Before alanon this was one of my major defects. I am happy to say that I no longer draw on it to entertain myself :
Is a quote from Proverbs "a scorner seeking the wisdom and find it it's not he that is slow to wrath is of great understanding."
Good morning Betty - Happy Tuesday! Thank you for your service and the daily. I was very familiar with the tool of sarcasm - one of my go-to reactions to a variety of situations. What I had to learn in Al-Anon was how unhealthy it is for both me and the receiver. It's taken tons of practice for me to improve in this area, as the habit was deeply entrenched - it was used a ton in my FOO!
I do believe I am a better version of me, and realize today that I can choose a response vs. react in kind. In many instances, using the PAUSE in my days, I am best equipped with no response externally and a prayer/discussion with my HP internally.
Make it a great day - my yesterday ended with a flat-tire (no spare in my compact car - just an inflatable kit). So far, in asking others for help, I've made it to my taco 'date' last evening with gal pals, and have a ride to golf today! My car made it 2 miles from the flat site in busy end of day traffic to my garage (thank you HP) and that's where it now sits waiting for a replacement tire. Certainly not a planned event and I am grateful for our tools so I didn't project, freak-out, etc. It's been many years since I was stranded on the side of the road and I can admit that I handled it with grace and courage vs. anger and fear!
(((Hugs))) - MIP Family!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Betty for today's message and your service. Thank you IAH for your important share as well. Over the years I perfected the sarcastic remark to match any occasion. I am very and too quick with sarcasm. Since Alanon, I can see how offensive, degrading and immature it is. Sarcasm is rarely funny and certainly not if it is aimed and meant to hurt. I still have these comments in my mind, but I am much more mindful to not speak them. This reading has hit its mark with me for many years now and although I feel ashamed....I forgive myself as it was tool I had at the time. I now pause and rethink how I might say something, or better yet....not say anything!! I am also more mindful to change the thought in my mind to something positive, even if not stated aloud.
So sorry about your flat tire, IAH. These things are never welcomed, but bound to happen.
My mom (92) is in the hospital and will most likely come home today. As I have mentioned in previous posts, she can be very difficult in the best of situations, so a hospital stay is bringing out the worst for sure. Thank you, Alanon! I have had to pull out every tool, strategy, slogan and self-care option I have. I've even had a chuckle with my HP....shaking my head and finding some humor to diffuse the situation.
Happy day to all. Beautiful Spring day here in western NY.
I also used to use sarcasm frequently and thought it was funny. Where'd I learn that it was funny? Well from all the put-down humor that runs rampant in our entertainment - movies, sit-coms, etc. Someone says something snarky to a "friend", the taped audience "laughs" and then we're shown it's okay to tear others down - that it's even funny when you do it and that you're suddenly a few rungs up the ladder in comparison to the person you just put down.
Sarcasm started becoming less funny to me when my exA used it on me. Especially during situations where I was already feeling vulnerable.
I've learned over the years to curb sarcasm and teasing as much as possible. Even though I often feel like I'm just coming from a place of trying to be funny. There's a time and a place, ultimately.
What's probably worse is when I use sarcasm against myself. Self-abuse is a big part of my disease.
Thanks for the share. Hope everyone has a good day - flat tires, grouchy mothers and all!
Good morning Ladies, sisters. I get a deeper understanding now of how my program and recovery came to me and grew. In my first 9 years of recovery it was the women who held the lantern over the trail and guided me over it. It was the women of Al-Anon that gave my mother the son she always hoped for .WINNER!! Mahalo for all I received from your own recoveries.
As a son, grand-son, nephew, cousin, brother and more of our disease, "tearing flesh" was a delightful power at one time. It was a realistic metaphor like killing a chicken. Thank you HP for the ladies of Al-Anon and AA. ((((hugs))))
