The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading discusses the benefits gained by learning the facts about alcoholism. The writer recognizes that alcoholism is a disease, and its sufferers are sick people, not bad people. With this knowledge, we can have realistic expectations and not set ourselves up for disappointment.
Knowledge about alcoholism has replaced fear, and has made room for compassion and humility.
Reminder: Learning about the disease of alcoholism can help me become more realistic about a loved one's illness, and thus to make better choices for myself.
Quote from Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism, "I have learned techniques for dealing with the alcoholic, so that I can develop a relationship with the person behind the disease."
This topic has been so important for my recovery. When my husband was alive and his health affected by this disease, I did not really understand the facts and did not have the time or clarity to learn about them. I was still in survival mode, but surviving a lot better with the help of Al-Anon and my newly discovered higher powers. A dear friend that I confided in would tell me, "It's not his fault, he is sick, the way his brain works is causing this compulsive behavior." I did not want to hear it at that time. I was too angry and stressed.
After my husband passed away, I had the time to read what scientists have learned about this disease. It opened my eyes, and now I felt I understood what had been so baffling. I read the research that supported what my friend.had been trying to tell me. This knowledge has helped me to forgive, to understand that he was a good person with a bad disease. Now I am not consumed by anger about the past, but I feel the peace of understanding.
-- Edited by Freetime on Thursday 18th of April 2019 11:14:07 PM
Good Morning Freetime thank you for sharing on this important topic. Accepting the basic fact that alcoholism is a disease helped me to stop judging the alcoholic in my life and become more supportive and compassionate. I have alanon ,my sponsor and meetings to thank for that change in attitude.
Thanks FT for your service. I understood early on that alcoholism was a disease, but I still harbored much anger and resentment because there is so much help available for this disease, that my A just refused to try.
Fast forward several years now, and my A is sober, but not getting the help I think would be most beneficial. What both you and Betty said has been most helpful. With both knowledge, my sponsor, and all the help I receive from alanon, I continue to work on forgiveness and Im able to be more compassionate, Lyne
Good morning MIP! Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thank you all for the shares and your ESH. My experience is very much the same - in finding total acceptance that alcoholism is a disease, I began the freedom we are allowed in recovery.
I too struggled for a long while to connect my head and my heart over this concept. I debated over and over in my mind why anyone would choose to not treat a disease that is so damaging, devastating and deadly. I had to accept that whatever the choice/thoughts in the mind of another, it was not my right to judge, nudge, whine, complain, direct, beg, plead, etc. for a change in them. Instead, I can simply accept this is a disease, it can be deadly, treatment is available and let God direct the show.
Connecting my head and heart over this issue helped me grow and change. I too found forgiveness, empathy and compassion for my A(s) as well as greater acceptance of all 'life events' that used to baffle me.
Happy Friday to one and all - at the dealership getting an oil change, and next stop is the golf course! Steaks on the grill later - hope you all have a lovely, peaceful, joy-filled day!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great reading. Alcoholism as a disease came up as a part of a discussion on Detachment in my home group earlier this week.
It was funny - after so many years being in this program, I had a new thought enter my mind during that discussion. I always felt challenged in detaching from the active alcoholic's behaviors. Even though I knew alcoholism was a disease, it didn't function like how I expect most diseases to function - meaning someone is suffering from physical symptoms that require medical care. The thing is most diseases are permanent. And one thing that continually tripped me up were the "good days" the A was having followed up by "bad days".
I would just forget that the alcoholic was sick... ALWAYS. The disease doesn't take a break. I kept expecting him to behave in a rational manner, but his disease just simply wouldn't allow it.
I'm not sure if that makes much sense.
Another way I came around accepting alcoholism as a disease was when I overheard a psychologist on a talk show discussing mental illness. The psychologist said something along the lines of "the brain is an organ subject to malfunction just like any other organ in the human body."
It helped me to picture the A's brain as malfunctioning like a malfunctioning heart with a heart attack or a malfunctioning kidney, etc.
So how does one go about learning about the disease of alcoholism? I'd honestly like to hear others discuss where they learned about alcoholism. Was it just through Al-Anon meetings and CAL? Did you speak with a professional? Did you look up the definition online?
I mostly learned about alcoholism through all the above, plus reading AA's Big Book and attending open AA meetings.
This subject is near and dear to my heart as my educational background is in science/medicine and I love to "ferret out" facts. Honestly, it is my go-to when my faith falters. However, I must say I received some flack about "wanting to know" from Al-Anon members. Their view (which they had no problem reminding me), was that the "whys" did not matter. I did try "their way" at first. However, it just didn't sit well with me. I was in such turmoil, and it seemed to fuel my bitterness, despite my efforts on working on Me.
So I finally followed my own mind, and began reading all the NEW information from medical/psychology journals and other medical opinions. What were the latest scientific ideas of how the chemistry of the brain is altered by alcohol and drugs? Finding the newest theories is the key here. With this knowledge, I was able to understand my AH's crazy behavior... as well as his lack of motivation for wanting change. I mean, he lost EVERYTHING... who would logically allow this to happen in their lives? Someone who's brain has been altered by addiction, that's who! As I became stronger, I was able to tell those naysayers "This is how I process. This is what works for me," and hold firm to my convictions. This knowledge has brought me out of the depths of despair/self-blame/bitterness. It has also made me much smarter about the disease and helped me to decide what I could deal with moving forward. It has also allowed me to have some compassion where before there was only anger.
Aloha - what you said about "forgetting the alcoholic was sick," really hit a nerve for me. I completely understand. When Addiction first became known in my family, I too did not know and therefore kept "forgetting" that the disease is ever present. I did not learn enough about the disease at that time, and therefore when my spouse was finished with his 90-day rehab, I thought all would be well and we would get back to our normal. Well, the next 7 years ended up being hellish... fueled by my denial, lack of knowledge about Addiction, and my unwillingness to Accept Things As They Are.
Now I see the bigger picture. It includes many ideas and modalities to heal. I see Addiction as a disease that alters the chemistry of the brain - sometimes permanently. I believe as science proves more about these chemical changes, the prevailing beliefs long held about this condition will change from disgust and condemnation, to understanding and compassion - much like Type 2 Diabetes. It has already begun.
As it has been often said, Knowledge is Power.
I am grateful that today if Friday! Make it a good one, everybody!
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Friday 19th of April 2019 10:08:37 AM
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
To answer Aloha's question, I learned the most about alcoholism from the book Beyond the Influence by Katherine Ketcham and William Asbury (2000). It summarizes a lot of scientific research, and though it is not CAL, I find it very consistent and supportive of our program. It gave me the hard facts behind the spiritual approach that our program takes.
I also read, Beyond the Influence. It was very enlightening and one can't help but feel compassion after reading it. However, that being said.....I still get so angry at times because there IS help and treatment! I then have to remind myself like many mental illnesses......addiction is a disease that doesn't want to be treated. It will cling to its hold and survival. The disease itself prevents the person from seeking help....especially if that person hasn't suffered dire consequences from it. I can clearly see the impact on my husband's physical health, cognition and social interactions. He can't see them though because he hasn't even come close to a rock bottom. I think his disease would still make excuses and point the blame elsewhere even if he reached it. So, I accept things as they are and leave it up to HP.
El - You are so right... Good people with a very bad disease!
Peace to you!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks for your service freetime. This is really a great reading. Understanding alcoholism as an illness is such a gift for working the steps of the program. It's helped me to come to terms with what is and isn't my responsibility and the impact of my words, thoughts and actions. Yes, I'm affected by another's drinking but I also have free will.
I especially like this part of the reading... "Alanon has dispersed many of my fears and made room for a new found compassion. I see that I am not the only one with good ideas, valid criticisms and noble motives." This quote reminds me that there is a person under the disease of alcoholism, a person for whom I can find compassion because they are suffering from an illness in as much as I would find compassion for anyone suffering from any illness. If I cross over from compassion to pity I'm out of my program, out of a place of humility in a place of self righteousness, smugness, superiority. From this place, I can no longer see the alcoholics in my life as people but as something to be dealt with. In the past fear and resentment blocked validation of alcoholics and closed my mind to any possibility that they could possibly have "good ideas, valid criticisms and noble motives." Thankfully, knowledge is power. Working the steps of Alanon, putting the Alanon traditions into action in the home and with extended family has created more harmony based on acceptance rather than tolerance and expectations. I'm glad I put the pedestal curbside a long time ago. It's especially difficult to watch the disease of alcoholism progress in my loved ones but I don't love them any less and am trying one day at a time to focus more on the loved one under the illness. In life, I am as fragile and imperfect therefore I am no one to discredit or dismiss their humanity. Thanks for sharing about the concept of alcoholism as a disease. It's an important topic and continues to be relevant to my progress one day at a time. ((hugs))) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 20th of April 2019 11:36:49 AM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I have a hard time with the definition of Alcholism being defined as a disease which makes it seem so harmless which it is not.
Cancer is a disease but I dont read stories were families are destroyed in fact people get closer by coming together and support. Cancer patients dont lie, steal, come to soccer games falling down yelling, etc
To me, this disease gets used so I can act anyway I want because my brain is affected by alcohol.
I just think it needs it own separate catagory because it has two sides. Someone who can think and then not.
Somehow the accountability and responsibility gets wrapped up into disease and its ok that they screw everyone over. No its no ok.
