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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Courage to Change 4//18/19
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change 4//18/19
Iamhere


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Courage to Change 4//18/19
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Today's reading discusses that we get what we give.  Often times, we arrive yearning for things we were not getting from the A in our lives.  Examples include:  courtesy, respect, attention, affection, communication...  As we grow and work the program, we come to realize we can not receive what we do not give.  

For the writer, they determined that as they became more kind and more loving in recovery, others responded to the change.  After continued growth and healing, they realized by focusing on self vs. the A or others, ALL the lacking qualities that were listed with a sponsor existed in their life at least some of the time.

When we stay focused on ourselves and our own recovery, amazing things can and do happen, in spite of us!

Reminder:  Today I can take an active role in fulfilling my needs.  I can choose to become someone I would want to have in my life.

Thought from . . . . In All Our Affairs  -  "Many of us find that as we practice treating others fairly, with love and respect, we ourselves become magnets for love and respect."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This page, for me, is a great reminder that if/when I have expectations that my needs will be met by another, I will be disappointed at some time/point.  Simply because we are imperfect humans, with unique journeys.  When I work with my HP to ensure my needs are met through my own efforts/recovery, every 'bonus move' by another just warms my heart.

I arrived at recovery with a full 'checklist' of what a husband, son, wife, daughter, etc. 'should be'.  Needless to say, it was exhaustive and as I look back, nobody ever would have or could have met my 'wants'.  I had very blurred lines between wants and needs which have been clarified through recovery.  It is much easier for me to live in gratitude when I accept I have everything I truly need and most of my wants!  I accept today that I am far from perfect, and expecting more from others than of myself distracts me from the joy and gifts of the present.

Tomorrow is our 28th wedding anniversary!  As I reflect on our marriage today, I can freely remember the joyous, fun, rewarding times.  When I arrived at recovery, all I saw or held tight to were the bad, chaotic, insane times.  What a gift to be able to accept that relationships, illness, humanism brings many highs and lows, yet with a spiritual program such as recovery, I can accept both as part of my human experience and choose to live in gratitude and joy.

We both plan to golf, with our respective friends.  We will not go out for dinner and most likely, he won't get a card if he remembers.  Today, that is OK as my expectations have aligned with our reality.  I have a dripping faucet in my bathroom, and when I ask him to repair it today - he will and that is a far better gift than flowers, chocolate, card, etc.  The drip, drip, drip sound is affecting my sleep!!!

Happy Thursday all - make it a great day, and choose joy!  Hold on to it, all day long, no matter what, just for today!  (((Hugs)))

 



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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Lyne


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IAH, thank you for your service and I appreciate your honest and open share. I directly relate and was inspired by my sponsor to have no expectations. It was a hard lesson to learn, but it is the best way for me to live my life now. Im also a firm believer in the Golden Rule: treat others as you wish to be treated. It is often a challenge with my A but Im doing the best I can, using my alanon tools daily, Lyne

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Lyne
serenity47


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Happy anniversary for tomorrow. What a blessing to reach a point in life where one can accept and be grateful for all of their life experiences, the good, the bad and the in between. There really is a big difference between our wants and our needs and adjusting my expectations of others helps immensely in my own life. Enjoy your golf game.

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El


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Thank you IAH for today's reading and Happy Anniversary!  I hope you both enjoy your day either together or separately doing your own things.  Your telling of the dripping faucet sounds familiar , as we also have a dripping bathroom faucet.  We have the part, but AH has made no move to work on it and I no longer have the expectation that he will.  I asked him this morning if we could fix it together this weekend.  I could navigate the YouTube for guidance and he could work the parts.  He said yes, we could do that.  So, as long as I change my attitude and expectations (the things I can change) it will get done and I will be happy.  I used kindness and a team approach rather than nagging and voicing/acting disappointed in him.  

I also love your, "Choose Joy" reminder....even if just for today.

Happy Thursday to all!

Ellen



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hotrod


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Thank you IAH for this s timely reminder. I Love the simple fact that what i put out comes back to me
In my youth, i kept score and looked for this constantly. When people that i treated well did not reciprocate, i became angry and mis- treated them in turn- no longer thanks to alanonn. Thanks for your service

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
JerryF


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Great post!! and mahalo for the lead IAH and for the family responders.  The responses are so right on in line with the subject and I can make good use with them.  Again Happy Anniversary from the islands. ((((MIP)))) aww



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Jerry F
Iamhere


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Thanks for the anniversary wishes! The God of my understanding is good - my drip, drip, drip is repaired! We had big storms last night, so neither of us golfed today. I asked for the fix, and I got it! I gifted myself with a long nap this afternoon as my sweet dog paced and panted all night long - fearful of the storm, lightning and thunder.

And, as life happens, all the courses are CPO - Cart Path Only. My gal pals all opted out as they don't want to walk - it ends up being 7-10 miles! I was good with that as my son is off work for Good Friday, so my AH, my A son, myself + one little are headed to the golf course tomorrow...

Ellen - awesome plan and strategy for your drippy sink! I also looked at youtube videos and was gearing up to try and repair it alone. Then, I decided to just ask and it got done! We did have to replace the cartridge inside the faucet handle, and it was less than 1 hour. Water Main Off, Faucet Taken Apart, Parts to the Store, Replacement Parts Purchased, Inserted - Voila! I did watch so that I can do it if needed in the future! Also, just FYI - I would love to own the Choose Joy, but I got it from a Joel Osteen sermon a few weeks ago....it was another one that really spoke to me! I intended to post it here to share, and just got busy and forgot! Here's a link if you are interested - written and video form.

https://sermons.love/joel-osteen/3420-joel-osteen-keep-your-joy.html

Jerry - we spent a couple of weeks on your lovely Islands many moons ago annually. It's my AH's favorite place to vacation & golf. I didn't golf back then, so he'd head to the course and I hung out on the beach reading or walking around and enjoying the natural beauty! I will return if not with him alive, with him after life as that's where his ashes are going to be spread!

(((Hugs))) and love to all - I am off to softball this evening and have a full day tomorrow starting with car servicing (adulting)!  Make it a great evening!



__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
El


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Thank you for the link, IAH!  Greatly appreciated!



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