The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author speaks to the fears many of us had about going to Al-Anon. Many feared that our friends, family, boss, or the alcoholic in our lives would find out that we were going to Al-Anon. Many of us didn't want anyone to know about the problems we faced.
The author shares that anonymity is important, because it allows us to start to trust people in our group, and we can begin to share, confident that what we say within the walls will remain there. We can be confident that the only one who will share that we are members of Al-Anon is ourself.
Today's Reminder: Unless I protect the anonymity of all members, Al-Anon will not be a safe place for any of us.
Today's Quote: "Our free expression - so important to our recovery - rests on our sense of security, knowing that what we share at our meetings will be held in confidence." Al-Anon Spoken Here
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I remember when I first started participating in Al-Anon, here on the MIP boards, and later a face-to-face meeting. I was petrified that my wife would find out that I was going to Al-Anon. I even found a face-to-face meeting that happened over the lunch hour near work, so I didn't need to face any questions about where I was, who I was with, what I was doing, why I thought I needed Al-Anon. Typically, I faced sabotage when I wanted to do something for myself. Even a little over a year ago, it was difficult to add a Thursday evening meeting to my program, and still today, I find it difficult to make plans in the evening for myself. The difference for me is that it is difficult - not impossible, as it once was. I'm grateful to the traditions, especially around anonymity. I'm happy to tell people that I attend Al-Anon and that I find it to be very helpful. Now, with my wife attending AA at the same clubhouse I attend Al-Anon, and with common friendships and acquaintances, I am especially grateful that I am free to express whatever I am thinking and feeling in the meeting, and I know that it will be held in confidence. I am free to really puzzle through things, talk about what I am struggling with, be open, process, share, and I don't have to worry that what I say will get back to my wife.
I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Scorpi for your service. I think for me I held onto the false impression that I could write on the board a few times a year and thats all I needed. After all, if someone just told me how to fix my A , life would be fine. But over the years, and yes I mean years, of course nothing got fixed and I sank deeper and deeper into an abyss of depression and misery. It wasnt until I put my pride aside and committed to alanon that my life is drastically changed for the better. Now Im proud to tell people I attend alanon, Lyne
Thank you Skorpi! This is a great post b/c it helps reinforce (especially to newbies) that the rooms of Al-Anon (in whatever form) are truly a haven, where one can speak their mind and not feel judged.
There was a time when my going to Al-Anon was treated like I didn't "believe in my Qualifier's recovery." I allowed myself to feel guilty and stopped going. That was sad, b/c it was even before I realized that Al-Anon was really for ME!
Today, I don't care who knows that I still get support there. My Kid - as he walked past my computer one day - asked me, "Why do you still go on those websites?"
I chuckled and said, "Because the things I learn and the support I get are for ME. I have learned better ways of dealing, and keeping in touch helps me to use those tools, and not fall back into old, unwanted behaviors"
He didn't seem all that impressed, but you know, young'uns! LOL!
Make it a great hump day!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I love, love, love the principle of anonymity in Al-Anon. It protects us and our loved ones from outside gossip; it promotes the equality of everyone in the program -- it's wonderful. At the same time, I am so grateful for the program and so proud of how it helps people that I want to tell everyone about it, and about my involvement and all the things I have learned. Yet, I feel that I have to be selective and THINK and practice the pause before I start talking about it. My kids know, my very closest friends know, but to others I really don't mention it.
For people who knew my husband but are not enlightened about alcoholism, and might think badly of him for it or who might "pity" me if they knew -- I still want to protect his anonymity even though he has died. So I skirt around it or just don't mention it in those cases. If someone directly asks me (which they haven't so far) exactly how I've managed to have a positive attitude and joy for life despite what I've been through -- I will certainly tell them about Al-Anon.
I have a funny dilemma. I recently retired, and I often get the question "What do you do with your time?" Well, there are several things, but Al-Anon is a large percentage. How do I answer that question? Usually it's "going to the gym and doing volunteer work." That's the truth, and I have a couple of other volunteer commitments, but Al-Anon is 90% of that volunteer work.
I feel a bit strange about keeping Al-Anon a secret from people who don't have a "need to know." But today's posting made me think of this a different way. It is a good secret, like a birthday gift all wrapped up and hidden away until it is someone's birthday. It's not the right time yet to give them this gift. But if and when the time comes, they will be really happy to receive it.
In a big city it might be easy to slip into a meeting. But in our small town it was impossible. A lot of people did not know what Alanon was. Someone once said to me- that I was a good guy for going along to support the woman alcoholics!
My family was resentful, rather than curious. When Our dad passed away- one brother told mum that I kept going because I thought that she was an alcoholic!
I lot of people though I was there to stop the drinker from drinking! ...
Sometimes I bang on about small town Alanon- and about what it takes to keep a fragile group afloat. I have been to big city groups- including some in the USA.
As I do Step 12 I reflect on the newcomer... and the future and fate of Alanon, as a whole.
Thank you Skorpi for sharing your thoughts on the oh so important topic. I live in a huge City and have never met a neighbor or friend in a meeting . My family never questions my attendance
I do embrace the simple principles outlined by alanon traditions and do expect my anonymity to be honored as I honor others This includes no gossip or judgment
thank you again for your dedicated service
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for the shares above me. I did not share I was going to Al-Anon in the beginning simply because all topics tended to create war in my home at the time. I already understood anonymity, and am so grateful for the concept and intent as it helped me attend for me, my recovery and my needs without fear of gossip, judgement, etc.
Like Betty, I also embrace the principles outlined by the traditions and also expect my anonymity to be honored. I have actually seen folks I know outside the rooms in the rooms, and it's comforting to know that never has to leave the room! For both sides.
It's been a long day here - good day....just long! I hope everyone else had a great day too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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