The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 3/25, talks about initial confusion over what was and was not their responsibility. They list some powerful things like: they are responsible to rid themself of anger and resentment, to be realistic in expectations, to make healthy choices, etc. There is also a list of having responsibilities to others, including to recognize that others have a right to live their own lives.
And then there is a whole paragraph on what they are not responsible for: their alcoholic loved ones drinking, sobriety, job, cleanliness, diet, dental hygiene, and more. It is their responsibility to treat this person with courtesy, gentleness, and love.
The Reminder: Today, if I am tempted to interfere with something that is none of my business, I can turn my attention instead to some way in which I can take care of myself.
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This reading hit me like a ton of bricks. It is my story and struggle for sure. I know that I have made significant progress dealing with my A. I am a happier and healthier person overall. But at times I recognize that I am not satisfied with the very slow progress my A is making, or not making. I bring issues to joint therapy with an addiction counselor. She often supports my point of view. I think I should read this page every day until I get it. I have it some days, but some days not. I recognize it will never be exactly as I want it, and I must accept and have realistic expectations, Lyne
Good morning Lyne - thank you for the daily, your service and your share. I too can so relate to this reading as I too can get 'sucked backwards towards habits of the past'...
I have a loving and gentle sponsor who reminds me that we are about progress, and not perfection. If I were not affected by the disease in others, she would be more worried as I might be in denial (again) or trying to use avoidance instead of detachment. I am so grateful that we are always Miracles in Progress even when we are 'far from perfect'.
I do remind myself each morning that I get a daily reprieve from the affects of this disease when I maintain my spiritual condition. I am less likely to obsess extensively when I am spiritually fit. When it comes to my A(s), and my tendency to worry, it's been suggested that I focus on what has gotten better, what is improving and what there is to be grateful for - my natural tendency at times is to focus on what's broken or the negative side of them/this disease. This also applies to myself - I tend to focus on where I am NOT instead of my progress in recovery. I really, really wish that my mind's first thought was a positive, freeing one but it's often not - the tools help me get 'there'.
Just for today, I will accept that I am an imperfect person and a work in progress. Happy Monday to all - off to an appointment this morning, golf this afternoon and tacos this evening! Make it a great day all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Lyne for your service, and this great reminder!
I had to put this notion into practice on Sunday with my son - who is not addicted. So applications to a non-alcohol/addiction problem!!
"There is also a list of having responsibilities to others, including to recognize that others have a right to live their own lives." - this is what I am embracing, as Kid wants to make decisions I don't necessarily agree with... but I reminded him (and Me!) that he has his own path to forge, and my thoughts or my "way" might not be the best way for him.
I will take this daily with me today.
Peace!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
GREAT share, Lyne....yea, I am responsible to ME to cleanse me of anger and resentmetn..something I am gaining on, thanks to step 1, 2,3 which I've been working along with step 4....I am responsible to ME...realistic expectations..healthy choices for ME...
my responsibility to others is to be a good friend..NON interference in their choices, NON interference with their walk in life...it is THEIR life, THEIR lesson/path, and I would be doing them a great disservice if I were to interfere and thwart their lessons and growth....I stay out of their drinking, but i distance me because I don't want to be around it..their job is their issue....cleanliness?? if I can't deal with their bad hygiene, I distance myself...diet?? is their issue, not mine...if they don't want to take care of their teeth?? they will suffer cavities, tooth loss, again, not my area of responsibility...
Of COURSE it is the right thing to do to treat them with courtesy, kindness, etc., and yea, when I am tempted to interfere, I quick do a step 10 as to what my motives are and my unrealistic , usually, expectations....if it is NONE of my business, it doesn't usually go well when i insert my will on to them...
Step 10...checking motives...what are my expectations??? WHY do I think I need to sweep THEIR side of the street??? why do I think I need to step where it is not my business and not in my power to do anything and even if I COULD "change" them...is it gonna last??? will they learn??? or are they just bending to my will????? again, I have to check my motives....yea, be a helper, supporter, encouragement, SURE!!! but let them write their own life song...
THANKS for this awesome reminder about keeping good boundaries....Loving NON interference
