Hello WIP,

Yes, there are lots of readings on sponsorship. There is a bookmark and pamphlet on it, and many of our daily readers have passages in them regarding the sponsor/sponsee relationship.

Some food for thought - I was told by my sponsor that when I was sponsoring someone who got mad at me once that if I don't upset my sponsee on occasion I'm not doing my job. This doesn't mean intentionally seek out means to create upset with my sponsee, of course. But occasionally I have to step up and voice what I'm seeing as sick behavior in my sponsee and let it be known.

Ultimately, for me, my expectations of my sponsor and how I conduct myself as a sponsor are that we're here to listen, share our personal experience in how we handled similar situations, guide sponsees through the steps as we were guided, and ask questions that help us think things through and come to answers that fit with who we want to be.

My personal requirement for when I sought out a sponsor was to work with someone whose shares resonated with me in meetings. I also wanted her to have her own sponsor and to have worked the steps.

What I have to keep in mind is that if I want what my sponsor has I have to be willing to do what she's done to get it. That means working the steps in HER way. Not my way. She gives me lots of lenience for the most part, but I have to remember that my sick behaviors and solutions did not serve me and that it was perhaps wise to try something different and do as my sponsor suggests instead of having to do things my way.

It's important for me as a sponsee to remember, too, that my sponsor is human. She's pissed me off a couple times in the past. There was even a service situation that came up that she was apparently touchy about that she snapped at me over and to this day I disagree with the solution she came up with. However, I don't let that keep me from working with her as my sponsor. It's okay that we don't see eye-to-eye on everything. We're human, after all. The important thing is that we ultimately share a special bond with each other. It's one of the most intimate relationships I've had with someone in a long time that really exercises my trust muscles over and over. She knows all my garbage. I know a lot of her garbage, too, after working with each other for 11 years.

I'd urge you to consider using this opportunity to exercise some more trust in opening up to your sponsor about how you feel. He or she has a role in this relationship, too. This is a good way to use your tools and what you've learned so far about communicating your needs. Remember, too, that sponsors get a lot out of their relationships with their sponsees, too. I know I learn a lot from my sponsee and it's important for me to hear what's on her mind - especially if she's uncomfortable with me for some reason. I appreciate her giving me any opportunity to review myself and ask myself about my motives in things.

Long and short of it, it's okay if in the end you both decide you need to change the nature of your relationship.

My 2 cents worth, WIP...

                                    I hear this most all the time- from the USA. Go to a f2f meeting. And get a sponsor.

My view is that the quality of sponsorship will vary wildly. In the day I spoke with the founder of the MIP groups, John F. He said that his NA, or AA sponsor had the qualities of a lay therapist. This sponsor helped John work through a whole lot of stuff.

And yes, John was able to get the MIP groups going single-handedly.

Myself? I had one sponsor going through. Her hubby- who was in AA- did 95% of the work- by starting an open sharing meeting- in our small one horse town. In this arrangement I saw the wisdom of Solomon- at work...  ...

my old sponsor decided to leave Alnon permanently. I decided to remain an Alanon member for life.

I think three or four years of group work- as really good for steps one two and three. In the day the middle steps could be done inside of Alanon, or with a trusted community member outside of Alanon.

A lot of people think that 'the group' is there for us. Well, yes it is- in a sense. But the groups are only there- because all the members pitch in and keep it going. The overwhelming importance of service.

As much as anywhere I see this in this group.  ...

I had more to say- but now- will stick with the discussion... thanks for the topic WIP, and for the opportunity to share.  ...

I have had 4 sponsors during my recovery journey; at first a woman who was very experienced and then a violation of the rule men on men women on women which was my cause.  My part in that was my habit of trying to manipulate females...didn't work and I got fired.  She then turned me over to the best single sponsor I've had; a male with lots of recovery and experience working the program and tons of courage...I grew well until we had to part ways geographically.  My third sponsor has been the groups I attend with which include tons of ESH and fellowship and they are always around to show me many and various ways of "working it" and include both men and women.  Finally my present sponsor that also includes cultural wisdom and experience which brings deeper spiritual support and he knows me deepest because of shared cultural beliefs and practices.

"Take what you like and leave the rest" has always been a rule of responsibility for me once I learned to become responsible and I had to start the journey some where and some time.  I haven't always like it yet there is no rule that I had to like it as seen above.  Sponsors are choices.  Make the choice to recover and grow.   ((((hugs))))