The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A quick update on my daughter. The police took her under 911 due to death threats toward me and her schizophrenia breakdown. She is in the mental health hospital and heavily medicated. I went to see her and she is participating in groups! WOW, that is a miracle! I had a meeting with the social worker at the mental health hospital and was very clear, I can not care for her anymore. The mental health system must find her a placement. The social worker was saying they could send her home to me under a court order that she must take her medication or end up back in the hospital. I said no. They must find her a placement. I can not care for her anymore. I suggested she stay in the mental health hospital for up to 1 year, to ensure she can look after herself. The current placement she is only for 3 weeks and then they are sent out in the community. I stood my ground and said they must do more for her as I can not anymore. The social worker said they will discuss this with the psychiatrist. I have been encouraging my daughter a lot to engage in recovery as much as she can. She is on three types of medication, and appears calmer but reported to the nurse the voices in her head are a whisper now. Based on my assessment and knowing my daughter, I know she needs to remain in the hospital for up to a year, to learn life skills and how to manage her illness ( just like alcoholism). She appears more alert than she did before and these are all positive signs.
I am working hard on accepting that like alcoholism, she will have this illness for the rest of her life. I am trying not to project into the future and what could happen, but take things one day at a time. I made her pray yesterday when I went to see her and made her say " God help me" She willing did it. I am seeing small progress with her but has a ways to go. She still appears paranoid but much better then before. I cleaned her room at home, OMG, OMG, it was a health hazard. I am proud of myself for stepping up and doing the cleaning for my sanity! It was for my sanity only!
I am trying so hard to live one day at a time and go with the flow and not project into what if, what if..I am standing my ground and advocating for her. I am working hard as well as to encourage her to stand up for herself and be apart of, rather then isolate. I am doing self care as much as I can so I can be there for her in a healthy, loving way! I am adjusting to living alone in the house.
The house, another story of uncertainty. I am still waiting to hear from the ex alcoholic bf who I have legal title with on the house, if he will agree to sell the house as is. There is a lot of renovations that must be done and I can not afford the renovations. I feel stuck as I want to leave the house and just let it go into foreclosure. Then I can just pack up and leave and start over again. Right now, its winter outside and its cold. I can not move in this cold winter. I am giving myself time to decide what to do. The lawyers are working on it, trying to come to a settlement with the ex, either sell the house as is, renovate it and sell it or let it go into foreclosure. I have not heard back from his lawyer. I know this is life but at times it can be so hard to handle. I keep saying one day, one step, one hour at a time. I have been praying hard..god help me, god help me!
I feel such stress and then there is my health issues I am struggling with. Developed new symptoms that I am monitoring before I run off to the doctor and fall apart.
I am trying to say, this too shall pass, one day at a time, let go and let god, easy does it! Read this board. All I can say is despite all these developments, I am hanging in there and accessing all the help I can to keep myself from going under. I am accessing outside help as well. I am trying to remain positive and know that the best is yet to come and that its darkest before the dawn!
One other positive is I am living alone and not having to tolerate a drunkin man in the house with me! I am so grateful, grateful!
(((Joker))) - thanks for the updates....prayers and positive thoughts continue. Keep doing you and let go of the results as best you can. I love your advocacy for yourself and your daughter. It's a tough road finding and securing the necessary care for mental health issues - we have so much to learn as a society...One Day at a Time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Joker, so glad you are enjoying the serenity of a calm and peaceful place to live. I know how that feels, and am also grateful every day for that blessing.
I am in awe of how you are taking care of yourself while also trying to do what is best for your daughter. This is just a suggestion, but I wanted to share that I was advised in a similar situation to tell the hospital that it would be an "unsafe discharge" if the patient were discharged home at this time. This would mean an outside review of the situation, allowing more time. I never had to do this, but it was good to have the information.
God Help me, God Help me...I remember saying those words also Joker after running away from home into the Jungle on Oahu island at the age of 11 and when I learned to step out of God's way the help came and still comes in rushes. I found out for real that God listens and responds which is when and where my listening had to come about.
I read your post and am amazed at your resiliency and courage and believe that the consequence of this will result in awesome recovery. We get what we work for. I have placed you and your daughter into my prayers too and wish you strength and courage and ongoing peace of mind and serenity. I know this trail and have the experience of also working it. Truly what the program says about "It works when we work it" is beyond just encouraging.
Keep reaching out for support and help and ESH from program and others because the consequences will be that you will receive what you ask for. May there is a program for others like your daughter that she can get into to support and find support.
Joker, I just wanted to weigh in and say GOOD JOB!!! re: daughter and working towards resolution re: the house....ODAT and easy does it, yea, i do the slogans as mantras and it does help me stay level when under fire.....sometimes I just have to walk away to keep the stress down....I choose NOT to fight/resist anything anymore......take care
