dont know what to do - Al-Anon Family Group

bev · Veteran Member

dont know what to do

just me · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Bev))))))

Welcome to MIP. I don't know what the laws are in Florida. But I think that if a person pushes you it is assault and it doesn't matter where you live. Have you tried going to a face 2 face meeting in your area? Maybe you could get some local support to help you through this?

Keep coming back here....either way you will find help from al-anon.

Julia

leo · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and big hugs. We don't normally give advice here and I cannot tell you whether you should stay or leave your husband, in the end that choice has to be yours. I will say however that a push or a shove in my view is a form of violence. Please contact someone at a helpline. I am sure they are listed in your phone book somewhere and they will be able to advise you of somewhere safe if you need it. The next time may not be a push or shove and I fear for your safety. Please keep posting we are all here to help you get through this and welcome to our family. Luv Leo xx

mebjk · Senior Member

Hello, bev,
We are glad you have found us. In Alanon we don't give advice, but we do share our own experience, strength and hope. We have all lived with the problem of alcohol, although some of us may have different experiences than yours.
In Alanon we learn to take care of ourselves. For some of us, this is the first time we learn what it means to take care of ourself, to get our focus off of the alchoholic and his/her behavior. We learn this by going to face to face meetings,getting a list of phone numbers - and using them - and finding one person who will help us work the 12 Steps of Alanon. That is what really works, and can help you make the decisions that are right for you.
I also agree with the other 2 posts. It's not ok for someone to shove someone else. That is a form of abuse. Please take care of yourself, and get the help you need to learn to do that.
We care.
Blessings to you,
mebjk

KathyS · Senior Member

I live in Florida and the laws here are pretty strict when it comes to any type of domestic violence. A push or shove toward a child from someone in an impaired state is not a good thing.

Personally, I don't think you'd have any problem getting a restraining order against him. Once it was in effect and he was served with the order, he would be allowed to come with a sherriff ONE time in order to get his personal belongings. Things such as toothbrush, change of clothes, razor etc. That's about it.

He will not be allowed anywhere near you, the house or the kids. The restraining order gives you temporary custody until the court hearing which will be in about 18 days. Temp child support can also be ordered if needed. At the hearing you tell your side, he tells his and the judge determines if the order stays in effect, gets altered in some way or gets dropped all together.

So that is what can be done legally at this time. As far as it *knocking some sense* into him as you're hoping, I wouldn't get my hopes up too high. The best thing for you to do is to go into this with an attitude of taking care of yourself and your children/grandchildren. If your motive is to have some type of positive effect on him and his drinking, I'm afraid you may end up disappointed.

Jeannie · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi,

I agree with the others, a shove is still a form of violence. I don't know what the Florida laws are, but I would think you could find out by contacting your local family court or maybe even a police officer. It couldn't hurt to go up to the police station and try to file one, if they say it isn't enough that he pushed you, you won't have lost anything.

I also agree with the others that if the DWi and probabtion and other rehabs haven't knocked some sense into him then this probably won't either.

Your first priority needs to be what is best for you and your daughter and grandchild. Only you and them know what that is.

Love jeannie

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge.You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.