The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Pretty new here and for the most part I've been a lurker, absorbing everything I can about Alanon. I went to my 1st Alanon meeting five years ago, with pen and notebook in hand, eagerly waiting for all the experienced members to give me a checklist of how to get my son to stop drinking. Needless to say, I was disappointed when they told me Alanon was for me to get well! Me? But.....but..... I'm sure you have encountered someone like me countless times. I didn't see how my enabling, (financially supporting, cooking meals, babying) was just wrong. It took a lady from AA telling me that I was killing my son and that froze me in my tracks. She worked the steps of AA with me but replaced the word alcohol with my son's name. She showed me how to get out of my sons way so he could find his bottom. (This was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I was physically ill and shaking like a leaf when I told my son) He found his bottom very soon after, got sober and is working his own program.
I have listened to hundreds of hours of Alanon speakers on you tube. These speakers brought me so much relief when times were excruciatingly bad. After my son found sobriety, I thought whew...ok I'm cured, everything is fine, life is good. I hadn't got a sponsor and didn't do the steps but I knew there was always a chance he could relapse. I remember a speaker talking about having serenity no matter what the alcoholic was doing. I know that would not be the case for me and I want to learn how to get to that place. My mind says.....there's no way but hey I didn't think I could ever stop enabling. So I went to a face to face Alanon meeting yesterday and the topic was "Do I want Relief or Recovery" All I could think of was Wow, God works in mysterious ways. It was exactly what I needed to hear, talk and learn about.
I am grateful for all of the posters here because you gently pushed me towards the direction I need to be going. You made me think and reflect in my little introverted corner. Your stories sometimes made me cry and mostly inspired me to seek recovery. I am relieved now, but I want recovery.
Hello Trisha Welcome I am pleased that your son found recovery and that you are attending alanon face to face meetings. The Steps, slogans and a sponsor helped me to learn to keep the focus on myself ,see my motives, my feelings and to give support and compassion to others, Program is such a gift Learning" acceptance of life on life's terms helped me to live life to the fullest and to permit othersto do the same. Relief came when I began to use the tools of recovery. for myself
I too send a warm welcome Trisha! So glad you opted out of 'lurking' and into sharing. Awesome that your son has found recovery and that you both are moving forward. I love the mention of God working in mysterious ways - that's been my experience too. We tend to get what we need always when we need it and least expect it.
I can say my experience is similar to yours - I about flipped out when I first heard at Al-Anon that I was insane, powerless and needed to work my own recovery. I was down-right angry!! I tried to step away and 'carry on' but that just had me further down when I resurfaced. I am grateful that I went back, surrendered and practiced what others suggested. I never, ever thought I could find serenity or joy. I have and am so grateful.
Keep coming back - you are not alone and it does work when we work it!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am always saddened to see the "why's" of someone joining this forum, b/c I can just feel their pain in their shares! But I am thankful that the new member is now going to become part of my journey... we all learn from one another! The saying, "Take what you want and leave the rest," is so true and beneficial!
It is very good for your "parent-soul" that your son has found recovery, but what us family members of alcoholics have all come to find out, it is more about OUR peace and OUR serenity. So I welcome you with open arms, and look forward to seeing your positive growth!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Greetings Trisha :) For me also, relief has come from recovery. I was also disappointed that alanon was not going to tell me how to fix my A, nor tell me if I should divorce, separate, or move out of the bedroom. But what I have gotten is so much better! In a nutshell I am more sane, happier, cope better, like myself more, and my spouse is working on sobriety. Patience and practice is what I learned to do. And the longer I work my program, the better everything gets. Keep coming back, Lyne
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