The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today, I was in a pissy mood...stuff going wrong, stuff coming at me that I didn't like and I tossed a temper tantrum that would scare the squirrrels out of the trees.
AFTER I vented my spleen, hitting a busted ole keyboard on a chair and letting loose some real good vernacular that would make a sailor blush, I decided "OK---time to reboot my day" Or stay negative...I chose to do the "reboot" thingy ...I learnd in program....I can re-start my day as many times as I need to...
Well I picked a cold and windy day to go out amongst the living and , I hope, more sane than me of late and I am first going to walmart "wally world" I call it and I decided to put OUT good vibrations to GET some good vibrations, so everyone I came into contact with, I smiled my best, clean and white toothed smile at them and said "hello" or if they looked "kind" I said "HI" and I got LOADS of "hellos and Hi's" back
I picked up a new wireless keyboard and mouse as I busted my living room keyboard, dropping it so much, And then during my anger/tantrum, I finished it off, hitting the old wooden chair with it over and over, venting my spleen of all the things that have gone wrong of late...
So, at wally world, I decided I would replace it with a new one, and I got some doggie biscuits and coffee creamer and walked around the store, doing my "smile and say hi" thingy and by the time I left onto Aldi's, my favorite grocery place, I FELT better
SO, after that, "spread the charm" voyage, I go into Aldi's and I do the same thing...smiling, saying "hey" to the folks that I came into contact with and same result!!! I got up to the cash register and my favorite asst. mgr was on register and so we traded some witty stuff and a laugh or two and I took my stuff out to the car, it was bloody cold out...yesterday it was in the 60's ..... today, low 30's with winds that were brutal..I mean they cut right through you...
by the time I got back home, I was ready for a nap and I felt better.....
If I want to FEEL better I gotta ACT and BE better....reach out...don't wait for good to come to me...reach out for it...claim it....SMILE and say cheese!!!!!
OH!!! and two packs of reese's butter cups felt reeeely good going down my gullet....
-- Edited by mamalioness on Saturday 19th of January 2019 09:28:14 PM
Like,like, like what you did to improve your attitude. And I'm comforted to know I'm not the only one to blow my stack once in a while.
Thanks for sharing. wp
Mama you painted quite a picture with this share topped off with the candy desert. I'm not a Reese's lover and still I get to the smile you invited to my face. Mahalo Sister. Stay out of traffic. ((((hugs))))
Hey ((((wp))))) and (((((((Jerry))))))) Thanks and gr8ful hugs to both of you for your kind replies.....I had to giggle at you, wp, "blowing my stack" oh yea, it was beastly....and Jerry, so ya don't like Reese's hey??? thats ok...U R still my goodliest recovery mate and brother and I'm glad you got a smile
And you know???? dong this "meltdown" , I NOTICED SOMETHING......I did'nt take it out on ME....I hit a chair with a busted keyboard I had dropped and walloped it , and I cussed out my offenders, my abandoners, but I LOVED ME!!! AND when it was over, I felt better...
not ashamed of me...Not feeling down on me....Not shame based at all...It was what it was....life has been ugly to me of late..people lying to me re: wanting my services, then they don't call back for appt., just one thing being tossed at me after another for about TWO years now..since Christmas 2016 its been riding out bad karma and I got SICK OF IT!!
ENOUGH!!!! so after my "rant" I sat down with myself and did some self talk and what can I do to take care of and help me and raise my vibrations........I saw growth in the midst of that anger session....it was NOT directed at me...I did not see any "less then" stuff in ME.....
it was just venting my frustration and I did it SAFE...dogs were in the other room, on their towels, napping , puppy was crashed out in kitchen....
It was a tantrum, oh yea, but I was NOT, crazy assed, drooling, foaming at the mouth, out of control....a therapist I went to years ago, said that I would need to do this "safely beat a chair or the bed to get it out" but it would control me less and less AND you know U R doing better when the anger is not at me, directed at me...I'm losing my shame based stinking thinking..
I hope this made sense....In other words, bad as the tantrum was, it was done safely and it got a lot of frustration out of me...I did not just "stuff my anger/frustration" and invite more "stored pain" to my body in the way of back spasms..I did not berate myself and say "oh you screwed up your program because you went nuts for a while" or say I regressed because it isn't "cool" to lose my cool like that.....I was just being HUMAN!!!!! and I accepted me and it..
Big hugs to you GF!! When I first started reading, I thought to myself, "Oh, boy! There must be some shizzle going down for Rose to be going all Rambo-like on her keyboard!" Then the second thing I thought of while I was reading was, "Well, her back is obviously not hurting her as much - silver lining!!"
But as I finished reading, and then scrolled down to your latest post, YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT... YOU HAVE GROWN BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS! You weren't taking it out on you!! Nor were you rabid-dog crazy neither! You were physically expressing your anger and frustration in the safest way possible at that moment!
The best part for me perhaps, was the deliberate "smile say hello" therapy you employed as you went through your day! Such great tools at work!!!
I find it hilarious that you call Wallmart, "WallyWorld!" Long ago I nick-named my local WM, "WalFart." LOL! And I let out an audible, "YEEEEEESSSSSSSS!" when I read you gobbled down 2 Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. I LOVE those!!
In your last post here, you asked if this made any sense... it completely does. It also reminded me about a very fond story my Ex's family tells of his mother when she was young and raising multiple boys... They VERY frequently pushed her buttons and pushed boundaries. One day the father came home to the mom out back just banging the cr@p out of a lawnchair on their big oak tree... all the while cussing out her boys! Loving her they way I still do, I can envision this scenario to this day and laugh! She knew she was going to explode, but did her best to not have it affect her children (or her insides as well).
Hoping today is a much more peaceful day!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
hey Posies...LOVED your reply and thank you so much for your input....yea, I wasn't a rabid dog, just a bear, tearing up a keyboard that was already defunct, so I gave it a "good send off" I'm laughing at your Ex's family mother, beating the crap out of a tree....LOL...yea, my old nurse/therapist whom I loved, told me that eventually I would not direct the anger at me..like I was to blame for all my injuries...THEY were 1000% absolutely responsible for my wounds and my bad coping skills and the anger?? its there for a reason and I did not shy from it OR minimize, invalidate it, it was what it was, but THIS time I exploded like a volcano and directed it at something harmless..I was careful not to scare the crap out of the dogs, however that said, if I had any roaches in the house , I'm sure those things scrambled for cover, thinking the meteroite that took out the dinasaurs was back to get them, (really I dont' have roaches)...and yea, the "Shizzle" factor was a #16 on the richter scale........."WALLFART" oh yea, and it FITS!!!! when you're in line...consider it a treat if you don't get assaulted with someone's BO that is a week old, that lingers and you can't leave the line to wretch or its all over, waiting in another slow line again.....Oh yea...
and hey David....if my "thought had wings" I would maybe in jail now, awaiting my trial for doing a Godzilla .....yep...Ya know?? my back does feel somewhat better as I let loose a lot of negative energy...I told everyone off, spiritua or human, gone or here on earth, EVERYONE who harmed me, I cussed them out and "outted" them with my keyboard....as I hit one "home run" after another on that poor old wooded chair that has NO nicks on it....its an old, nice antique, really, and its tougher than that key board was......
-- Edited by mamalioness on Sunday 20th of January 2019 03:32:32 PM
-- Edited by mamalioness on Monday 21st of January 2019 04:15:23 AM
