The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As my dating life unfolds, the one man I had been dating, well last weekend, after 7 months of knowing him, he admitted to me he is an active alcoholic and said you can not leave any alcohol around my home as I will drink it. I was feeling a bit crazy and feeling a bit unstable being around him. I thought it was me and now that he has admitted to being an active alcoholic, I now know what I am dealing with and what I must do, protect myself from him as much as I can. I was feeling unsettled about his distance, not being there emotionally and just not being present and I had noticed he always had a drink of vodka around him when I went to see him. Just things i noticed and observed. I was feeling rattled and did not know what it was about. I really believed it was me, that I was pushing him or demanding to much attention from him or wanting a commitment.I really thought it was me. Now that he has admitted he does not trust a lot of people and he is an alcoholic, I feel validated. I did not ask him if he wanted to do anything about his drinking. I just listened and told him I attend a 12 step program and left it at that. I am not going to force him into recovery. He knows my phone number and if he wants my help or support I will be there but he has to want to do the work himself. I am focused on my own recovery! He is 11 years older than me and I have been working hard on seeing him only when I want some fun. I am making the rules for myself now and that feels great! This past weekend he was making future plans with me and said we will do this and that and I just like oh ya, I do not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Not a word! I have learned that alcoholics will say anything to keep you around for their benefits what ever that is. I just listened and said we will see what happens. I made sure not to invest or make any long term plans with him. I am living my life and doing my own thing, even if it means doing it alone. I am not making any plan with him at all. I however was surprised he asked me to spend this past weekend with him at his home. I was with him from Friday evening to Sunday morning and was glad to leave come Sunday! I am like, gotta go, talk to you later! I have texted him since Sunday but I am loosing interest in him more and more. I was googly eyed when I first met him and now 7 months later, I am like I do not need you! I live alone, pay for my own bills, have my own vehicle, home, what do I need you for? To add misery to my life? I do not think that is an option anymore. I have learned and grown so much that its hard to believe that I am the same person today! I still have a ways to go but I am making progress day by day! I do not know if this date will continue but I at least know what I am dealing with and what my choices are. I am not going into this blind eyed anymore. I now know I have choices!
Joker, it is so great that you can see the truth -- what is true about him and what is true about you -- and make your decisions accordingly. To me this looks like recovery in action!
Wow what a share; one that is so very close to my own recovery with relationships. I was taught your realization by a friend who related a story off of a woman she worked with and who she was allowed to share confidence. This friend was also a close friend of my alcoholic/addict and a reason I was also close to her. She told me of a telephone 0conversation she hear between this work friend her husband who were separated and he was trying to convince his wife to allow him to come back home. What this gal told her husband was, "I love you and I like having you here...and I don't need you". I don't know what happened to them but what happened to me was I got so upset hearing that and I fled my friends home; only getting about 4 blocks away and needing to pull over to the side of the road to inventory what I heard and how it affected me so much. I went over the story slowly repeating the words and how they were said and how it made me angry because it didn't make sense and also how at that time I was missing my alcoholic/addict wife. Yet is was true and still is true. My alcoholic/addict wife was still out there living as she chose and my life with my Higher Power was smooth unless I gave into my "need" addiction and compulsion. I didn't have a list of people, places and things "I needed" to have; I did have a long list of people, places and things I liked and loved.
(((Joker))) - always a pleasure to see you and I love your share! I too see great program work in action and love that you're working it. Just keep doing you and trust the process and HP and what ever comes next is exactly what should be! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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