The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I saw some pictures posted on facebook by our grand daughter in law of the great grand kids. How stunning in beauty they are!! I desire to hug/hold them again while they are "up there" and we are "down here" oceans apart. We found out that grand son/daughter are separated...so soon after being married and didn't have to guess at it that drugs and alcohol are involved. Of course even while drugs and alcohol are involved with the parents.
I am POWERLESS and GOD CAN AND WILL IF GOD IS SOUGHT. I feel the seeking as I type this. I can and will not scream at it. I don't have the power even to wish to do that. I may miss hearing HP speak back at me maybe telling me where to be and what to do.
I am borderline presently. I am not a timid meek person when I am poked which I felt recently by my son their father and grand father yet I know that they have a power greater than the other fathers in their life. Their mother also is addicted and I pray she might be doing something about that thou I do not ask. I am Powerless.
Praying becomes a comfort for me and my wife as we know it trumps any face to face we might take. I am a former therapist and they are not willing patients. I have had both my son and grandson attend a AA meeting with me and of course what a joke...I tried with the same outcome as past efforts to change others lives against their wills.
Going to a meeting...If you have any unoffered prayers please throw them out there for the many who are affected by this life threatening disease regardless their names.
Hugs, my friend, and alas - you speak the truth and you know what you know.
There is a better way if they choose to take it, but it IS their choice. You have done all you could be reasonably expected to do, in that they do have the awareness of these choices, via the love and knowledge bestowed upon them by you and your recovery.
Hug yourself today, and a meeting is always a good idea
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
My heart aches for you. You've got enough love to cure the whole family.
Yes prayers for all of those who suffer--especially those who are first degree sufferers.
Those of us "affected by" --well, speaking for myself--I can get so caught up in my own drama and victimhood--gag--that I forget how hard it must be for those who are addicted to the stuff.
When I'm in high dudgeon I think--Ha! They were unconscious when the worst of it was happening and "we" were stone-cold, stark raving conscious.
Well doesn't that make me special. It's a lot easier to get over addiction to a person than it is to a substance that every cell in your body screams for.
It's just Grace that I was not the alcoholic in the family.
Did I mention the fact that I was so out of it pain wise the first five days that I got through Mexican Coca-Cola withdrawal w/o out as much as a headache? I call that one of the miracles I've had this month.
So, yes--prayers for your loved ones and for all of those who suffer. So often they seem to be the really intelligent, very sensitive ones, and it breaks one's heart. But we don't know what another's reason is for being here in this lifetime.
Bless you--and all who carry your DNA.
Love,
Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
(((Brother))) - there is still a part of me that just wants to rage when this disease raises up. It's my first instinct, and it's my program and tools and support that reminds me that's not productive nor healthy....yet - I get where you are.
I am still such an analytical gal who wants everyone to be fixed, healthy, etc. I literally have a list of questions to help me understand what, if anything I can do to be of service. I can't carry the A, I can only carry the message. I can't take the little ones to keep them safe and protect them from the insanity but I can email/write/call them. I can give all a safe place to vent, share, etc. so long as I am spiritually fit (so I don't offer advice, opinions).
You arrived where I gratefully always do to - I can always pray. I can let Go and let God. I can have hope as the day's not yet over, and all are still breathing. I can go to meetings, lean into my program, and keep myself healthy in case I need to be of service.
We are so powerless over this disease no matter how long we've been around. When my oldest and his baby momma separated and he went back to active disease, I had to live in the rooms and practice actively and consciously every tool of this program to find moments of peace. I did talk to both of them together, said I would not take sides, I was disappointed and angry with both equally as their children deserved better. I backed off/out then and let God lead. Her mother did choose sides and it got messy but I was detached only of service when asked.
They did reconcile and appear to be OK, so there is always hope. My son is sober today and I am grateful that God did do for me what I could not do for self or others.
Sending tons of (((Hugs))), positive thoughts and prayers your way for all. It's really hard for me to stay on my side of the street, but things appear to go better when I can/do.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
My head left up to it's own suspicions is a dark large room of insanity and with it knowing that I am powerless over the disease and what it is or maybe doing to this part of the family entertains insanity constantly. I cannot pretend anything pro or con at this point. I will only pray without certainty as to the outcome. I imagine the worse because I lived in that worse which eventually led me to the 12X12 journey I have been on for a while. God will do for us what we can not do for ourselves and some times will not do for ourselves.
I acknowledge this beast and its power for destruction while at the same time acknowledge all of the miracles I have been witness to in our program. My conversation with my higher power continues, "Place me where you want me....tell me what to do".
Mahalo for your hearts and ESH and prayers. (((((Hugs)))))
Sending you and your family healing energy, Jerry!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I can relate so much to all you say here and thank you for sharing Jerry.
The disease is strong in my family too and I have shouted at it and tried hard to force it gone. It cant be done and then I think back to what got me into Alanon and a better life. It was sheer despair and surrender. I had ran out of answers, I had come to the end of the line with my own resources. I needed help and it takes humility.
How do our children get humility? probably the same way we did through coming to the end of the line, reaching despair and surrendering. Its a long hard journey for some, well it was for me. My ego was strong along with my self hate. I believed completely that I should have the answers and I'm just not trying hard enough or Im just not good enough. Our world is set up with these belief systems I think.
I listen to my son searching for the answers with a deeply ingrained belief system that he is to blame for his drink problem and therefore the solutions are for him to find. He should be strong enough, bright enough, disciplined enough, controlled enough on and on. Im shouting NO. You have a disease that's bigger and stronger than you, it's not your fault, its not a weakness, your not bad, your not stupid, you have this disease but there is help but you must give up your own belief in yourself and let go of the blame game. There must be an infinite number of reasons we can all think of for this disease, going between blaming ourselves and then other people places things. So the denial can last a lifetime. Its so frustrating.
Then I think about my own journey here, it must have been frustrating for others to watch me get on that merry go round and stubbornly hold on for dear life. Is everyone on some kind of merygoround? possibly. Ive heard some speakers talk of alcoholism as a gift because it forces change like nothing else will. Its loud, destructive, horrendous, difficult, impossible and so can literally force us out into the light. Imagine we believe this with all our hearts? Would we be celebrating the disease in our children? Im not there. It brings me fear and sadness every single day. I hear your pain Jerry and I will say a prayer for your family.x
