The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
and Happy 2019! Todays reading is about how our growth in Al-Anon can help us recognize our part in any difficulties we have had with our A when trying to communicate. I can relate to the writer who states that before Alanon, the feeing about alcoholism was something much more personal -why cant my A stop drinking, at least for me? I know that, like the writer, being misinformed in this way contributed to my being part of the problem as well.
For me this took the form of being firmly planted in part of the cycle with my A: he would drink, I would become either (choose one) angry, resentful, tearfully sad, sarcastic, icy and whatever emotions I aimed at him would help fuel the next drinking binge. Repeat repeat repeat.
I appreciate the Thought for the Day which reminds us that through understanding alcoholism as a disease and not simply some sort of weakness will help us become more compassionate, while distancing from the disease.
Happy New Year Mary . Love this reminder. When I entered program and embraced the tools, seeing alcoholism as it is , a disease< certainly helped me to keep the focus on myself, practice Steps 1, 2 and 3 and try harder to practice all the principles of this program. Love the "Thought for the Day " as i can readily identify with it . Thanks for your service
Good morning MIP - thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your ESH & shares. I certainly took things personally to the point where I actively engaged in the problem. In Al-Anon I learned that I had choices, and one included just not engaging. I knew that Alcoholism was a disease, yet still struggled to accept 'it' in my own home/family.
Fully accepting the disease as is and being willing to work on me using suggested tools helped me find my path to a better way to act/respond/behave. Communication is our home is far, far from perfect yet it's improved dramatically as I've changed my intent, focus and ways.
Happy Sunday all - off to a meeting shortly...enjoy the day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
yes- we do get enmeshed in the disease, and take on the characteristics.
There might have been an expectation, early on- that my changes would promote growth in the A. They would stop drinking and get along to AA... and all would be sweet.
This can happen- but not all that often- from what I could see. My A. 'learned the ropes' from his stepfather who was an A. And so on and so forth.
My mum got sucked into the disease, but did not get it herself. She told me that she did get close. There was alcoholism on her side of the family too.
Today I don't feel the need to list the qualifiers in my world- that bring me to the rooms. The only qualifier I need to bring along is me- as a family member. I see that 100% too in people coming- who are double winners.
I would struggle through muddy water and barbed wire to get to a meeting. So why not sit here with my laptop and join in? We had a great lot of rain here yesterday. Most welcome in this dry valley.
In this group, where we can neither see nor hear each other, there are times where ah kin see the person emerging- as if, out of a mist. Someone just like me, but very different in other respects. It is an awesome experience.
First month in- with the New Year I want to live out some of the plans and promises I made to myself. Being in the rooms give me traction. I can engage-indulge in conversation that was severely lacking in my FOO.
I have seen my marriage grow and blossom as I apply the principals to myself.
Hmmm I suppose that was the key- I was ultimately here for my self... to find "me" in the middle of all the chaos.
Thank you Mary for your service, and wonderful ESH from everyone above!
I feel like I could've written Mary's share... yes, I played a part in the chaos that was my life. It was hard to see, as my thinking was all about "Why is my spouse choosing to do this TO ME?" Because this begins with a choice of picking up the substance, I forget that once brain chemistry is changed, there is no going back... oh, there is healing... the brain is very remarkable in that way, but it is never the same as before.
I believe for most, this is a hard concept to grasp, as our society is kind of used to taking a medication, or surgically cutting out the offending disease, and voila! You are cured!
This is just not the case with substance abuse... and seeing it from both the Al-Anon and Nar-Anon sides, I think alcohol is the longest, most profound sort of hell on the body and mind. It is also the hardest on the loved ones, b/c society as a whole uses alcohol "normally" without any effects except a hang-over the next day... and that gets "celebrated" in our culture.
Because of Al-Anon, I learned that Alcoholism/addiction is a disease state of the mind, that the CHOICE gets eliminated from the equation. So that has brought more compassion in my heart, which ultimately benefits me. I also learned to take care of ME... that I did not need to live within the chaos. I just needed to CHOOSE what was best for ME.
I feel ACCEPTANCE is the key.
Just my 2 cents, as usual, take what you would like, and leave the rest!
Had a lovely, much needed rain last night. It was predicted to rain all day today, but it doesn't look like it... I sure wish it would - wanting the excuse to hole up!
Peace!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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