The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am struggling today... I would say not with the same issues, but you know, it all circles back to Letting Go and lack of control.
Here is the backstory - My Kid is now 18. He struggles with anxiety. He has had periodic episodes of such high anxiety, that he begins crying and has a panic attack. The first time I noticed this was in 4th grade. At the time, I attributed it to a day of full sugar ingestion at his school. In his sophomore year of high school, he was severely depressed and anxious. I found out he had begun cutting. At the time, I was able to get him into therapy. He saw his therapist for a year before she said she didn't feel there was a need any longer - both myself and my kid agreed as there was such a positive change.
Since that time, there have been times where I have suggested he go back to therapy. He refuses each time. Says that it never helped before, that he was only wearing a "mask" and didn't really discuss things of real importance. So I have learned to Let Go of this, and I am working my program REALLY hard each day to ALLOW him to manage his own life as he sees fit.
Today when I woke him to help me with taking down Xmas decorations, he began having a panic attack. He was in such a state! It has been quite awhile since I have seen this level of anxiety from him. I felt like I had to literally talk him of the ledge! It was extremely scary for me. Luckily, I was able to stay calm and NONJUDGMENTAL.
Talking him "down" involved me letting him know that the feelings will pass... that he could utilize something an Al-Anon friend "taught" me... to focus on the next thing with laser focus. After that, he was able to come out with me and take down the Xmas lights... but was on the verge of tears the whole time. I tried not to notice or make a big "deal" of it.
Afterwards, we were able to have a discussion about this. The main points:
1. He maybe slept all of two hours last night - aware that this outburst may be the result of not enough sleep.
2. Not willing for any circumstance to entertain the notion of therapy.
3. He has considered that perhaps he may be bi-polar on some level, but does not want to investigate this on his own b/c "then it will become a THING, and I don't want it to be a THING."
4. I did tell him that denying that it is a part of you does not make it go away. He seemed upset that I used the word "denial."
5. Not willing to investigate that it may be a food item that is causing a change in brain chemistry.
6. Not willing to entertain the notion that it might be symptoms from his use of weed
7. Very upset that I told him statistically, those who try to self-medicate their issues of the brain usually have a problem with addiction. "It always comes around to that!"
So I told him that he obviously wasn't ready to ACCEPT what is. I also told him I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all of this go away... but I know that I can't. I also said that I heard loud and clear that I have harped too many times about addiction with him, but for him to know that it comes from a place of love... and fear. It is my job to work on that. He will not hear that brought up again from me. I also told him that should he decide to seek some sort of help for the anxiety, I would be available to help him navigate the health industry's pathway to getting the right help.
SO! If you are still with me here, I now have the question I need help with:
Should I discuss this with his father? Most of me thinks, "No." My son is an adult, and if he was living alone, he probably wouldn't even come to ME with his issues. It is up to my son to disclose this.
But, then the other side of me says, Yes, but your Ex will be LIVID if something happens and he finds out after-the fact that Kid has been struggling... although in all honesty, this is nothing new. Ex has just been so into the bottle, that he never really knew his son and what was going on with him the last 3 years. However, I know without a doubt that if I told Ex, my son would not forgive me, and would never trust to come to me with his problems.
Then there is the third side of me that chimes in: If it was some other disease process, would you sit idle, or would you drive them to the hospital, or call 911?
Add to all this the knowledge that his father's aunt killed herself because of untreated bi-polar disease.
For me, it all comes down to not having any control over this. I know this. I am acutely aware. I guess I did the best I could today... but I am left feeling like it wasn't enough.
Thank you for bearing with the long post.
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Saturday 5th of January 2019 10:35:17 PM
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
long is good, sometimes- giving the topic a good airing.
I don't know you so well, so I am not going to rock up here with a solution- whether or not to take ExA.into your confidence.
For me- doing a lot of things on the Alanon trail- was being aware of opportunities- in all directions... an opportunity to speak...
One all-round band-aid I always use is breathe. Stopping for one breathe will [naturally] give me a breathing space.
I began with a very primitive nose breathing- and worked through from there.
And maybe so for your son as well... a starter, at least.
I understand your boy's reluctance to take on a tag. Not a deal unless some urgent intervention is required, in my view.
I see myself in the same shoes, at that age, as your son. The future can seem perilous. You are his primary resource... and taking care of you is a big priority- for you.
We hear this every day in Alanon... and even more often that that!
And, P & P it is just the fact of taking time out to share, and to listen... priceless and precious all round. ...
Have meant to get on and say: I admire the ways you've grown this last year.
He will be livid? As my daughter's roommate used to say: Big Whoop. He checked out a long time ago. This is between you and your son, in my estimation. Who needs Himself
breathing down your neck and blaming you for the kids' problems. Take what you want, etc.
There are Bach Flower remedies that give help with tension/anxiety. Non-prescrip. If you've got a good Health Food Store--where the people read a lot and are up on things and not just pushing whatever, they or a good compounding pharmacist who is up on non-Rx remedies are great sources.
Everybody in my family and all the help we hire really like Zem Bright. It's a supplement you can get online. I loved it until I started developing headaches when I took it. If you've had time to follow me lately, I am currently allergic to everything, and apparently was working up to it for some time.
Oh Heck yes! His marijuana use is no doubt a factor.
Over the counter melatonin helps people sleep.
As do Calcium Citrate with Magnesium Citrate pills at bed time--the ones I have are so big, I can hardly get them to stay down.
There was a sweet young man who did yard work for me--he couldn't afford his meds--I offered him Zem Bright and he came back twice for more. The third time I told him he needed to find a way to buy them himself. I hope he managed. A man who did painting for us had been on drugs for pain. Same thing--he really felt better with the Zem Bright and seemed to think I was his free supply. Well--I ran him off for other reasons.
If you want other ideas, say so. My daughter brought me some drops for under the tongue--again, non-Rx I think by the Bach people. There are Bach flower remedy pastilles--I can't see any difference with them.
How could you begin to get all this across with a short post? This is not a F2F meeting--we have all the time in the world.
Get him on prayer lists? If you are a believer. I write to DearTonyintheExaminer. He's a psychic--has helpers praying for people. Sometimes he gets a message from what I would call his angels. He would need your son's first and last names, town and state where he lives and his date of birth. He does not share information. I've seen two miracles, personally. Be brief if you email him--he's very busy. Sign your name, town, add your date of birth if you want to be on the healing/prayer list.
I don't know what to tell you about calling 911. I haven't had good experiences in ERs lately, but did get my hernia fixed. They probably do better with kids with possible drug or addiction problems. They probably do better with getting a young person admitted to a psych ward than they did hearing me about my apparently rare condition. And I hope you live in a better area for that.
You are his mother, trust your gut is what I would say about that. I have no opinion.
Do you have a trusted Dr. you could talk to? Or an urban minister--I imagine they've seen it aLL. Or the Mormons? That just popped into my head. They seem to offer to help. Or there have to be National help lines to call.
Wish you all the best--I just don't have experience with your situation.
Betty might be able to tell you what she'd have done.
I am so sorry this is happening. Remember--he is on his own journey, and is here, perhaps, to learn the lesson of his choosing. You can only do so much. He is in God's hands. I hope you get guidance.
Hugs,
Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
(((PnP))) - sending you tons of calming thoughts and prayers....it's so, so tough to be a mom and watch your child in pain. No matter the cause, no matter the reason, it's just one of the hardest things in life I believe. My current practice is to not share anything told to me by anyone to another. I actually learned this from my sons who felt I betrayed their confidence(s) by sharing with their dad and other family members. While my intentions were good and caring, it really was not my story or my right to do so...
Last year, my theme was 'seek to understand'....and it really helped me pause longer, more often and truly try to put myself into the shoes of the other person. It didn't matter if it was my husband, my boys, an impatient driver in a parking lot, etc. It made me reflect often on who I am today vs. who I was. At your boys age, as well as my boys ages (24-26), nobody could have told me what to do and I was not very open to suggestions either. I really, really had to take every wrong turn and wide turn I did to get to where I am today, and it's been a long and winding road (understatement).
When there is crisis around here, I still go to my tools. Pause, Pray, Proceed. In the world of MH issues, unless things have changed, there is no 'forcing' someone into a help scenario unless they are threatening suicide or homicide. I have called for both of my sons as well as a cousin I have (diagnosed bi-polar) in these instances as I don't feel qualified to consider it real or a bluff. I let the experts decide....
So, just for today, you and your boy have made it through a difficult day. Deal with tomorrow when it arrives. I have had panic attacks, and they are nerve-wrecking and scary. I have had them when things are going well and also when there's been extreme insanity so can't even determine what triggers them. What I do know is I can feel them coming on before they arrive, and I no longer drive if I have that pre-curser as I've passed out and blacked out during them. I believe that's my body's physical response to the event.
I can share from experience that when I was a pot smoker, I wouldn't have listened to anyone suggesting it may be causing me issues. As with most things, I really, really had to come to a place where I wanted to change me before I was receptive to other ways of coping....this applies to a variety of habits I have had and let go over in the course of my lifetime. I have relatives that are same age who were pot smokers with me way back in the day and still do it. They are productive members of society with jobs, houses, etc. Yet, for me because I am wired differently, it's not a habit I can participate in.
Hang in there girl and know you are a great mom and you are doing your best. Be there as best you can and keep leaning into your program! Trust in your HP and know you aren't alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
PnP, I too have an adult kid that has had mental health issues since childhood. I know the anguish of not being able to fix things. Somehow along the line, I stumbled across the AlAnon-like principle of letting go and realizing that forcing solutions does not do any good. It was scary, but ultimately saved our relationship because he did not have to fight the parents, argue with us, etc.
When he was just a few years older than your kid, he actually came to us and told us he needed help with his depression. From there, we were able to support him in getting professional help. That too was scary, because I had to admit that he had an illness with a name (label, if you will) but the miracle was that he was willing to get help. Husband and I were together, so we were able to work together on this.
Son is all grown up now, he still has the illness, and he still has support ... AND he has a successful life: job, owns a home, and has a good relationship with the family. All I did was provide support when asked, but not before. And I did not do this perfectly. I still remember the night I kept asking him if he was going to call and make an appointment with his therapist NOW ... (wait a few minutes) ... how about NOW? He called when he was ready. The waiting is the hard part!
Hi P&P - just wanted to chime in since my kids have gone through/are going through similar issues. My kids are teens though so I do have control of their medical and psychological care and whether they had wanted to or not, I would have made them get help. You are in a different boat. I know your son is not interested in therapy, which must be sad and frightening for you. Therapy - and the proper medication - can help so, so much. We approached it with our kids in the same terms we would any other health issue. If they had diabetes, they would of course take insulin and they wouldnt hesitate to see a nutritionist so that they could learn to manage their disease! Mental health, while it has its own category, is still just a part of ones overall health. Framing it that way made it easier for them to understand that there was nothing to be ashamed of and it helped them to open up to the idea. It has been absolutely life-changing for them. They still struggle with anxiety and depression (and a bit of OCD for one) but generally, its all well controlled. They lead very normal, very happy lives. They do well in school, they have friends, they socialize like any other teen their age, Best of all, they now have coping skills they can utilize to maintain control over their illnesses so even if life gets overwhelming or it throws them a curveball (as life does) they dont get knocked off kilter.
Ultimately, as you said though, your son is an adult and its out of your control. But if theres any opening at all and you feel its safe and productive to talk with him about it again, framing it in a way that makes it less stigmatizing may help make him more open to the idea.
(((((((((((((((((((((((PnP))))))))))))))))))))))))))) sending you and son love and healing energy
I would NOT tell Ex...to son, that would feel like betrayal of his confidence....this is something he needs to feel safe sharing with YOU about AND maybe, later, alaon..He grew up with Ex's insane drinking, too, and yea, anxiety, not feeling safe, free floating fear, self medicating with pot and/or other drugs, it all goes with the territory
Hes 18 so he can't be "made" to get into alano, dunno what ages are the tops for alateen, but it sounds to me, the kid needs SUPPORT and validation that he is loved and accepted....as to Bipolar, is he reeely up one day and reeeely down the next???? BP is pretty noticable, would be hard to miss, extreme mood changes from sad to happy.....seems to me, and now, I don't know you guys, but I would follow my instincts....your instincts are telling you NOT to share with Ex....I agree!!! Son needs to know that his issues are safe with you.............talking him down was great....the deep breathing, in and out...focus/concentrate on one thing in the room....the mind cannot be attacked by free floating fears if it is pre=occupied with focusing in something
I am dependent on my meds, but I've not raised my dose since I had my breakdown in 1970...in fact, I might do less then the old days, thanks to program and self help....diet changes...exercising....LOTS of fresh water....alkaline foods, NO processed crap...meditations....SHARING with safe others....being loved for who I am, not what I can give to or do for someone, but to just be loved and accepted....positive self talk...(you can use positive reinforcement to him, encouraging, praising him for his assets, etc.) hes got a LOT of anger/fear built up in him over years of living with an alcoholic....his body is expressing it with these panic attacks...and yea, marijuana aint helping the situation....
I am so so sorry you are going through this with your son...at 18 he is an adult and can make his own decisions, but I would just let him klnow he is loved, no matter what and be there when he wants to share....make a safe environment for him as much as possible....
Hi P&P - just wanted to chime in since my kids have gone through/are going through similar issues. My kids are teens though so I do have control of their medical and psychological care. I know your son is not interested in therapy, but honestly, that - and the proper medication - can help so, so much. We approached it with our kids in the same terms we would any other health issue. If they had diabetes, they would of course take insulin and they wouldnt hesitate to see a nutritionist so that they could learn to manage their disease! Framing it that way made it easier for them to understand that there was nothing to be ashamed of and it helped them to open up to the idea. Again though, my kids arent adults, so ultimately, whether they had been open to it or not, we would have made them go. It has been absolutely life-changing for them. They still struggle with anxiety and depression (and a bit of OCD for one) but generally, its all well controlled. They lead very normal, very happy lives. They do well in school, they have friends, they socialize like any other teen their age, Best of all, they now have coping skills they can utilize to maintain control over their illnesses so even if life gets overwhelming or it throws them a curveball (as life does) they dont get thrown off kilter.
Ultimately, as you said though, hes an adult and its out of your control. But if theres any opening at all and you feel its safe and productive to talk with him about it again, framing it in a way that makes it less stigmatizing may help make him more open to the idea.
There are some practical things you can do though. One thing I do is help them break any issue down into steps. People tend to get overwhelmed when they look at a problem as one big thing. In their mind, it can appear insurmountable. Its much like what were all here learning to do in our own lives - deal with the immediate issue and move forward. For instance, my daughter had a mini breakdown a month or so ago. She badly wants to go to a specific college. Shes a straight A student except for one particular subject that she has always struggled with.
I have found having a weighted blanket is very.g9od for anxiety I have certainly had a lot of issues with.anxiety
Those blankets are available on.Amaxon. The other issue of course is medication. I have been on anti.depresssnts for a out ten years For some people medication is helpful.
Of.coyrse self medication is the natural way to go and I.am sure anxiety is a big.part of many addictions.
When I get.anxious I tend to overeat.
Remember taking care of ourselves is bewildering to people.
One thing I would say.about telling people about their children is that any parent should be enquiring how that child is on their own I told someone I knew last year about issues with their child They weren't that concerned If.someone is invested in their children they are looking to see how they are.
Anxiety was something I lived with most.of.my life. Now I.dont have the same high level if anxiety. I certainly have to.sau it is much easier to live with anxiety management.
I"m sorry your family is going through this. You are offering loving support to your son, keeping communication open and honest but also understanding that he has a right to make his own choices. He is an adult and will take what he likes and leave the rest concerning your input.
I ask permission before sharing information with other family members. Something as simple as do you want me to tell your father about this would be respectful to both of them in my humble opinion. Your son as an adult will tell you what he wants. He can also share the information himself if or when he cares to.
You've done what you can and you are remaining available to continue discussing your son's anxiety and options with him. I guess I would continue with my Alanon step work, meetings, keeping close to my hp and trust that hp will guide me to the next right action concerning this.
My experience is to try to consider my motives before taking an action rather than reacting to a situation. Being a controller and fixer is what got me here. No matter the relationship with the other, I always need to be mindful concerning respect for mine and others boundaries. That isn't always easy when someone I love has a need. This is usually when I need to do more Alanon readings about loving support.
You've done a great job with loving support in this situation by sharing but not imposing your will. This may add to your son's assurance that you are a safe person to share with.
Wishing you both the best as you work through this.(((P&P))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
It is such a difficult thing to not be able to take away the pain in our children. You handled it beautifully and were there for him when he needed it.
No doubt the lack of sleep contributed greatly to the meltdown. I know I simply do not function well at all with little sleep.
It sounds like he has a pretty good awareness that there may be some underlying mental health issues like bipolar , yet isn't ready to deal with it. Avoidance is not uncommon in any illness, addiction included. We get there when we get there.
As for telling his Dad.... I would give him a day or two and have another short discussion and ask him his thoughts on it. I know that I do not like my stuff being shared with anyone else unless I have given my permission to do so.
Hugs. This is tough stuff. Don't forget to take some time for yourself as well.
I just wanted to take a moment to say thanks to all who posted. As usual, level heads prevail!
David G - Thank you for your support! I too employ deep breathing. So not only did I do that quite a few times to help me "Practice the Pause," but at one point I laid a hand on my son's arm and told him, "Wait, just take some deep breathes through your nose and out your mouth... 5 seems to be the magic number." He did so and began to calm down. I hope he can remember how well it works!
Temple - Thank you for all your suggestions. I tend to like when there is a lot of ESH from others for me to pick and choose. I have given him Melatonin in the past, and I keep reminding him to take the Magnesium at night (I am a big believer in Magnesium deficiency issues, so take it every day). However, he is not a kid anymore, and suggestions are all I can do. I also buy CBD oil for him - I use it for pain, and I gave him the literature on how to use it for anxiety and sleep. He is very hit or miss on it. I am not sure why, as it works WONDERS for me - but everyone is different.
Iamhere - "My current practice is to not share anything told to me by anyone to another. I actually learned this from my sons who felt I betrayed their confidence(s) by sharing with their dad and other family members. While my intentions were good and caring, it really was not my story or my right to do so..." Thank you for this, as this was my gut feeling & I think I just needed some validation. Panic attacks are so foreign to me... so it is very easy to over-react to these situations in my case. In the end, you were right, it was one moment in time. Scary yes, but later that evening when he got home from work, my son thanked me for helping him through that and said, "You know, it feels like it happened days ago...not at all like it was just this morning." While for me, it was still a seared, red-hot imprint on my mind! LOL!
Freetime - Thank you for offering your ESH. It was like a ray of hope!
Twinkies - I am so glad that your children are doing well with their own issues. I completely agree that therapy and medication works wonders. My "kid" has yet to come to a place of acceptance, though. I have always spoken with him about this, from a place of science... small changes in the brain chemistry and all that. He just doesn't want to deal with any of it right now. Like you, I will be there when and if my child asks for support.
Rose - you touched on so many important points for me! Thank you for your support. My son has always dealt with depression in some form, in high school years up to now, he himself has had periods of really "up" behavior. Case in point, we were working on getting the lights down and he tripped on his skateboard... and he exclaims, "Ugh! That skateboard! Why did I even buy that?" "Oh, yea... one of my "up" days." You see, he came home with it the first week of Dec., proudly told me how he passed by the local skate shop and decided he wanted to go back to learning how to use a board, so plopped $70 on this "entry-level" board! He practiced like a mad-man for about a week, then never picked it up again! At the time, I thought it odd that he would even want to try - he's incredibly uncoordinated - and I thought that was a lot of money to spend on something he will just drop the next day... but I used my Program tools and asked myself "How Important Is It?" that I comment. Not very. So I thought to myself, "Good for him!" "He is trying to master something difficult, and he flexed his newly found cash earning muscles!" In hindsight, it was just one of his "UP" periods coming to the forefront.
Maresie - I have actually looked into those... saw an article about them, and looked them up on Amazon. They are really expensive!! Do you find that it makes you hot? My son has issues with hot flashes and gets very exasperated with any type of blanket - you know, he has to use one, but whenever he does, he's too hot. We've had multiple blood tests for this issue... with no real cause. I work with animals, so I know how beneficial the Thundershirt is for dogs... it is very much the same principle. As for the other thing, his father is now working a very strong program in AA and has come back from the brink of death. He even ended up with his old, high-paying job back that he was originally fired from - go figure. But I digress. The point I was trying to make is that he asks about the well-being of his kid all the time. He asks both myself and his kid directly. The ESH here has helped me realize that I am not being dishonest when I don't disclose this issue to my Ex... I am honoring my son's right as an adult.
Tired - What you shared was so important for me! I so appreciate your words. This stood out: "Being a controller and fixer is what got me here. No matter the relationship with the other, I always need to be mindful concerning respect for mine and others boundaries. That isn't always easy when someone I love has a need." It is also my issue... I work the steps on it almost everyday!
Serenity47 - Good solid ESH. Thank you! I also feel better with how I handled it and how I am choosing to move forward from your share. Sometimes some validation that you are doing things "right" is all one needs.
I appreciated everyone's input so much, that I just felt that each needed to be addressed separately. Thank you for being my support system!! You Rock!
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Sunday 6th of January 2019 02:18:01 PM
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
PnP + MIP...thanks for the shares and so right on considering a couple guys and I were sharing and discussing the matters of healing after our morning meeting. One of the guys has been dealing with a Cancer diagnosis and treatment process for a couple of years. We talked and shared experiences. For me I was in a powerful head on accident in 1964 that taught my body and spine what real long term pain is about. The therapy was painful as was trying to remember the drug therapy..."I'd rather not" was my conscious daily mind set and then... I was also practicing alcoholism and between a rock and a hard place. My neuro told me he would not treat me until I got off of it all and that led me to know that I was chemically tolerant in fact.
About that time a man that worked under me in NASA gave me a book by Maxwell Malts called Psycho Cybernetics which is/was a kinda mind over matter perception which I didn't believe in and then "came to believe". I read where Maltz came from and what his perceptions and beliefs were and eventually came to understand the idea that my body is my responsibility and business both inside and out and that suffering with pain is a consequence of not doing the work right. I wasn't a "heal thyself" kinda person yet was willing to give it a try at least for a while.
Years later I learned in Al-Anon that I had a power greater than myself who would participate in the process with me and now with the help of HP, the program, Maltz and experience have been able to self generate much of my own healing. My wife has heard the readjusting process on my spine as my readjusting can be heard while I lay flat on my back on the floor without movement. It works in other various ways also. I was formerly diagnosed ADD/ODD that including the program rarely raises it's head.
Your son has to be more willing than yourself to experience the outcomes. If he is not he might get addicted to the suffering; might find his ego bathing in the pools of self suffering. I will pray that he and you do not fall for it.
The weighted blanket does not make me hot. Get one with a cover. I have had issues with being bot I wish I had got one long ago I find it very calming
Med7cation can be helpful too. I took.decades to get on.antidepressants. Even one like Sam-e is a help.
Then there is the environment try to have a low key environment
I went through a very very stressful time recently which brought up.quite a bit of anxiety. Everything helps but most of all keeping it really low key was a big benefit
Not sure how useful my input will be. It is harder with a child with double conditions. I have one.
Stigma is attached to both conditions. I have a son with both. I have mental illness and autism so I'm glad alcohol addiction itself is not part of my makeup. I sometimes say I'm a breeder. LOL
JMHO I would not bring up too much; simplify the message and drop those things that will not get you anywhere. My daughter insisted I allow her to smoke when she was getting sober. Took her many years to quit smoking later while I held my tongue on the told you so's. LOL It was a trade off for me.
What issue is the best to focus on? Mental illness or addiction? People with mental illness often can't sleep or oversleep. With mental illness, it won't go away just because I don't like it. It usually gets worse if not treated. The only means of being relatively normal is if I keep up with my medication and see the doctor. Is there an MD he is willing to see? That doctor could advise him. That leaves your opinion out and with these things, we only have opinions unless you have MD after your name. Only the individual can accept a diagnosis.
the reality is that mental illness will affect him more until treated so if he wants to feel better he can find out if that is what it is. Plus he gets a slightly less uptight mother. And he can still not accept the diagnosis and get another opinion. if he is stressed he can do something or he can keep doing and he will return to a happier state what he is doing and stay where he is.
Meanwhile, what are you doing about you? My only advice is to get thee to a meeting and perhaps find a sponsor. Detaching with love means I focus on me and take care of me. It's not like he is going to allow you to do anything about his situation anyway.
Next week you can give me advice about my son. I could use a fresh perspective.
NoraG - I believe your post was directed towards me, not Maresie, and I appreciate your share.
I do have a sponsor and attend a meeting here in my city. For me, I separated myself from the situation for awhile, meditated on my need to help & what would be appropriate to do, posted on here and then was able to reach my sponsor on the phone. It all helped me to be a better mom.
As an update, today we discussed the usage of daily Magnesium (at night is best), and why he was reluctant to use the CBD. Turns out he just forgets he has it. Hard for me to believe, but that is him with many things. Took me a LONG time to accept that as a truthful answer all his talking life, b/c I am just so not that way. He also told me he doesn't like how Melatonin made him feel the next day. So I told him, "No worries... use what you feel works."
Tonight he told me he was going to use his CBD and take the Magnesium.
He knows that I will help facilitate a therapist if he wants one.
Peace
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
My various conditions confuse me. I lay this at the feet of ADHD and CFS. Now the ADHD has benefits as well as problems. I have yet to figure out what CFS does for me but we all have something. My stuff is pretty hard to mask which makes it ewasy to be honest plus I either get humbled or I feel humiliated. I much prefer humble. It has benefits too.
Oddly enough this morning I woke to realize I hadn't taken my magnesium the night before. I still can't keep myself straight so it is well to Keep it simple. And smile.
No worries, and no apologies needed!
And you are so right, we all have something to overcome! What was said on the Golden Globes? "We are more alike than different."
So true.
Peace!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Pnp==what was it? Precious and Perfect that David substitued for flowers and dogs?
You seem to be in a better place. So glad son is going to take Mg. Finally got husband to cut my horse pill Ca and Mg in two. Won't have to swallow them more than once tonight.
Not to hijack your thread or anything, but.
NoraG--great advice for all of us who haven't arrived yet.
I hope we hear from you more often. Especially for somebody with so much going on, you have very much to offer. I think I'd like to have a friend like you.
Love you all!
Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
PNP - PM'd you and YES .. weighted blankets are the bomb .. I have one and so does my oldest. He absolutely has said this has made a marked difference in his sleep as well as his attitude .. so it's a total option.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I ordered a weighted blanket.
Hope it helps with Generalized Fantods, which is what I seem to be having.
I remember cold winters as a child when I slept in a groove in the featherbed and my mother would cover me with two heavy comforters she had made--one of Menswool and the other of beautiful, old upholstery material. I was there until morning, when she would roll them back again.
Hugs,
Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
PnP and anybody else - make sure you chase down the correct magnesium. I found a triple magnesium powder at Puritan's Pride....I order many items from there, they are reputable, reliable and reasonable on pricing. They do have a referral program which would give you $10 off $35 for your first order - send me a PM with your email if you want me to refer you!
I bought magnesium locally (CVS) and it wasn't the proper one. I was 'green' back then...
I have purchased vitamins, lotions, oils, and more - have not been disappointed yet! I do always read the reviews and shop the sales! (((Hugs)))
PS - your boy sounds like mine. Mine is smart, sensitive, a bit moody at times yet able to step away, consider the discussion and return with a modified outlook. I chalk mine up to immaturity and delayed processing! It's getting better with time/age and the calmer I am, the better the outcome. Glad to hear that you two have a plan to try! One Day At A Time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Serenity - thanks for the PM. I am going to reply tonight. But after reading your post, I am going to ask my son about if he would like a weighted blanket. As usual, I am going to suggest he do his own research and decide.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
As usual, I am going to suggest he do his own research and decide.
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(((((PnP)))))) you are a hell of a good mom...If I had had a mom like you are, I would be one of good health, plenty of wealth, full of love, and expressing myself always in healthy ways and a big contributor to my fellow creatures......You're the greatest!!!!!
Now, now... gotta stop that before my head gets too big!
Seriously, thank you.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
P & P...
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