The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This share is a ramble. But i would like to see how it goes.
I picture Lois as a saint really. I am sure she had her moments. "Damn your old meetings!"
Bill was not a saint really. he was more like a product of his age. Coming through the age of prohibition- in some countries. Coming through the stock market crash in 1929. After all he was a stockbroker. He and Lois travelled a lot- vetting various enterprises around the country. I wonder how much this was Lois's idea.
Lois was a pioneering occupational therapist. She worked in Bellevue in New York. I often wonder what impact she had on Bill and Bill's recovery. And on the formation of the AA groups- from behind the scenes.
Like a lot of members I have been to their home- in the woods north of NYC. We took a trip out there on the train. I wept copiously at the table where Bill first heard the message of hope. I stood in the couple's bedroom, and hung out at Wits End where Bill composed the traditions.
This week- in sharing here, there has been trend towards ~hopes and dreams~. For me- at the very least. ...
I had pictured Lois and Bill very much as my mum and dad. I had soaked up their writings- and adopted them, really.
Being in their home helped me to realise that I was not terminally unique. I was not their only child.
It helped me to realise that i had brothers and sisters everywhere.
Many were struggling out here- and doing it tough. Some still are.
If I had trouble coming to terms with boundaries- here were some I could feel comfortable with.
I have never really become a member of AA. I do not qualify sitting beside some hard core lushes. But maybe i do. I gave up hard drinking after a spree when i was 17. I blacked out. I rarely if ever drink alcohol to take dope of any kind. Most of my life I have refused to take meds. I had an early brush with that- also- at the age of 17.
I do act on medical advice and take medication for regular health issues.
When I was 15 our headmaster bought an AA member to school to 12th step us boys... this gentleman is still alive in my home town here.
The talk this member gave really knocked my socks off. In them days it was shocking pink socks and winkle picker shoes. I was working part time at that age as a field worker- and I had the aspiration to live the "high life".
Dress style and hair styles changed rapidly when The Beatles came into view.
I went through the heroin, LSD, dope and drinking years more or less clean and sober. Bit saw a lot- such a lot happen.
As I began this share- I did not know what was going to happen. There were some side issues I was going to follow up.
There is no egg-timer on the table here. I really enjoy shares here that go into detail.
We can pick and choose what threads we choose to click on.
Even though we have no time limit- I always see the discipline and the boundaries people put into thero sharing. It's awesome!
One of the big things I learned in the rooms was to speak and listen simultaneously. I tended to be a sponge that soaked in other people's hurt and shame. I had to learn to speak openly, and with emotion. At meetings i would sit on the edge of my seat waiting for my turn to share.
Then i began to listen too, and to listen deeply.
When cross-talk guidelines came into vogue- this created a new set of boundaries.
Over time I learned to be flexible around when to apply these guidelines.
I learned to honour other people's struggles- and to have my own thoughts honoured too.
There is a lot of power in a written share.
It is a different format for recovery, and I think we here are learning to master it well.
We can gently challenge some of the principles we have learned hitherto. And to adapt and create new ones.
Many of us make new plans- coming into the new year.
I wanted to honour our founders- in a very personal way.
I wanted to tap into their hopes and dreams- for us! ...
I often wonder what the real people of behind AA and Alanon look like .. not the saints however the people.
My understanding is that both of them had their faults as they were just human. I believe they loved each other however suffered through what many relationships do even after program and there is a lot of question of what is "sober" since it is well documented Bill experimented with LSD as part of his recovery.
They were people doing the best they could and each growing in their own way. I don't see either of them any differently than I see JFK, Martin Luther King Jr, or Gandhi .. none of them saints however looking to better themselves each day. Very real people with very real struggles.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Thank you, Dave for the very personal share! What an experience it must've been to actually be in Bill & Lois's house! I can just read in your share how much it inspired you!
I do agree quite a bit with Serenity..."Very real people with very real struggles."
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Hi David-Thank you for such an interesting share. Whatever Bill and Lois were or were not like, I'm sure they cannot fathom how many thousands of people all over the world are benefiting from what they started. Alanon has changed my life! I will be forever grateful, Lyne
Great topic David! All I know, in my best effort to keep it simple for me, is that I am beyond words grateful for all who came before me and paved a path to recovery for me and any who truly want it!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi David I hear you AND DO BELIEVE THAT ANYONE WHO SHARES THEIR LIFE WITH A PARTNER WHO HAS THIS INSANE DISEASE IS A "SAINT" . LOIS SET A GREAT EXAMPLE FOR ALL OF US. :)
I had the accidental (or maybe not) opportunity to meet Lois at one of the Family Groups in central Ca. She was as her picture revealed and she was soft spoken as I would expect a caring member to be. I never met Bill but have been blessed to meet and be affected by thousands of members who we affected as you have been Dave. I just came home from a morning meeting in Hilo, HI. Yes their spirit lives here also. Today I fully believe in Miracles that progress throughout our lives. Mahalo HP ((((MIP))))
-- Edited by JerryF on Friday 4th of January 2019 02:58:38 PM
I thank Te Atua for John F. and all the early supporters here.
And for the team we have here now... our MIP Family.
John met his maker under a bridge in Dallas Texas... and this led to our groups here. The word Miracle in our name comes from John and his vision.
John was a regular cowboy- and no saint neither. Tending to my brother over there six weeks ago I cast a few karakia [prayers] towards some of those concrete edifices, passing through the town. Mihalo...
...
