Make sure when you clean out your pot bellied pigs house and treat them for mites, that you TAKE A SHOWER RIGHT AFTERWARDS.

omg I am miserable. lol I just put med everywhere, itching like crazy. OK don't be grossed out. You can get this by trying on cloths that somebody tried on right before  you did.

I am doing well. Have been for a bit now. After getting all that family secret crap out, I have grown.

Trusting my hp is so nice. I am not worrying at all about my rental. My son and his new wife and I are busy painting, putting in new used carpet and sprucing  it all up. We have a Habitat for Humanity bargain supply store here so I get super stuff for almost nothing.

My son did not get mad at me becuz the A, his bio dad, put a hole in the wall he  just patched. he is also not going to do him bodily damage..haha

I realized today that there is not one day that goes by, that the A does not cross my mind. Same with my deceased mother, gma gpa and my first husband.

Am still sure I don't want to be married to him anymore. It is only by law anyway. I guess I test myself. I think ok he is standing there sober, on a program and like he was when we got married. Then there is another man there, who is not A, who is a strong JW like me. Would I be with A? NO NO NO. I mean it.

I know it is a disease, I know it is not his fault. It's sad but the disease, the brain tumor, his being abused seeing his mom be abused, just really pushed me over the edge. The pain is so bad or was so bad, that I am totally done.

 Not unlike when the A has gotten so sick of being sick from using, he goes to AA and gets on a program of recovery.

I don't really feel sad about it anymore, which in a way confuses me. It is not that  don't care. I do very much. I don't, however, want to be his wife anymore.

When we were over at the rental painting I had this this thought that I am a wasted woman, I said it outloud, my loving son pipes up yea quit sucking my oxygen. lol I love being married, I love doing for my mate and  him doing for me.

I loved how he trimmed my hair, and I got his slivers out. Or how, like now, I would smear the anti mite stuff alllll over him, and he would do it for me. um yea well ya see when ya do piggy rescue, it is very easy to get mites.

Especially if they came from bad places. I had to learn this the hard way. Do not bring home a baby piglet and allow it to sleep with you and your "new husband" until you ivomec it for parasites...gads... lol 

I could tell you a million very fun, sweet, romantic things about my A when he was on his program for several years. I have to be honest. When he gets out of jail, he will be very sober and on a program. It will be genuinly hard to not want to hug him and bury my face in his arms.

I want to say for sure I will not, will not ever go back to him as his wife. But today I wouldn't,but who knows about another day. All I know is this one.

Well today I did for me. Arniepig, Sammypig, winniecat, Beasleydog and I took a nap in the sun. It was so peaceful and serene, feeling the warmth, petting the soft pigs, comfy listening to the crazy loud frogs, seeing the llamas up on the hill laying on all fours with their heads erect and protective.

Then, WOOSH!! Sauveur my huge great pyrenees, runs by, jumps into the pond and hops all over having a blast, then runs over to where we are laying and SHAKES all over us, we were all splattered. lol lol

I was thinking today about what in the world would I do if I did not have animals? I got up and cleaned out a pig house, put up a new hummingbird feeder, petted the new husband turkey, Barlow, swept the floor for the umteenth time today, fed them all, washed all the dog blankets and my bedding, you get it....

so anyhoo take my advice.. ok?

loves yous, debilyn