The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When we change our lives, we give up old patterns. Some of these old patterns, as harmful as they may have been, were like our best friends. We could turn to them for comfort and escape. After giving them up, and after the first elated feelings of liberation, we may also have to deal with depression and grief of loss.
What should we remember at these times? First of all, depression has a beginning, and it has an end. In the midst of it, we may feel that nothing will ever look good again. That is not so. The loss of energy, the dark mood, the hopelessness - all will pass and we will regain our vitality and joy of life. Second, it helps to stay active. Physical activity is one of the best medicines for a depressed mood: vigorous walks, physical labor, or a good workout at the gym. Another kind of activity is helping others, reaching out to those in need of companionship and a helping hand. It is surprising how good it feels to make a difference in another person's life. The third thing we can do is stop our negative thoughts. We can simply interrupt a train of thought in the same way we might interrupt a conversation and change the subject. Finally, we can take comfort in the faith that our Higher Power will provide what we need in the long run.
Today I will take good care of my mental well-being.
Quote: Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression. --Dodie Smith
This stood out for me because when I finally broke free from my addicted SO, I had felt that elation. But once away from the chaos, I began to second guess myself and had all sorts of doubts, and a strong bought of depression over the ending of my long marriage. I really liked what this reading gives us... confirmation that grief has a beginning and an end. It also gives some ideas of how to lift the depression... naturally. There are two things that have helped me: getting out into nature, and being of some sort of service to others! I am learning to trust that my HP has got my back. All three good for the soul!
Peace,
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Aloha PnP and thanks for the share. The Forum was what I was reading as I turned on this computer to check into MIP. This is a powerful piece of recovery for me that is included in with our other literature tools. I was going thru the Nov 2018 issue and will continue to do so now with the encouragement of your post. Mahalo (((hugs)))
Thank you for your service, PnP. Wonderful reading... As a part of my 9th step and making amends to myself and healing I realized I really need to acknowledge my old ideas about what I and my life should be and validate the feelings of loss, anger and others to myself... This seems in tune with this reading about old patterns, in this case, old wishful thinking that has often been far from reality. I am compiling a list of all my "shoulds", including what I expected from my ex so that I would be happy and also quite many childish and egocentric ideas I've been holding on to for years... I'm still not done with the list, I think, but this feels like a good thing for me to do already. I've been living with a distinct sense of entitlement for my whole life, mixed up with my learned victim mentality... That's quite a mixture. Me being in this "place" where a different perspective on things is emerging in me is quite a miracle, and it comes from this program we have and the steps and all. What a blessing! I'm thankful I came upon this post today, as I have received an unplanned chance to acknowledge the good things in my life and share that with others, too.
Thank you PnP for your service and the daily from the Forum. I too love it as another tool in my kit for recovery. I remember when I first arrived, and others suggested making small changes in my routine. I didn't understand the value of 'this' but when I did it, it worked well. I was mentally so bogged down by this disease, it permeated my every move, thought, breath. By making small changes, I had to change my thinking in small ways and that gave me a slight respite from the disease thinking.
I encourage different ways of doing today as well as different ways of thinking in myself. I love to call my sponsor now and share what happened with a challenge instead of calling and dumping all that was 'happening to me'. It's a better and healthier way for me to live, one day at a time!
That quote is magical for me too - when I am stuck in my own mind, and bogged down with obsessive negative thoughts, two easy ways for me to shift things up include service and a lovely hot bath! I am grateful for this program, all that is here for us to grow/change/heal and for MIP (and all of you)!!
Happy Thursday all - hope it's been great! My mom goes back home tomorrow night and it's always bitter/sweet. I will be grateful for my routine returning to normal as best it can/will!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Aline - I am also on my 9th Step, and like you, I have a lot of feelings about what my life should've been, or could've been. I also realized way back in Step 4 that had built up certain expectations that I think my Ex could never attain. I will need to make that amends one day. I too see some childish/egocentric ideas that I still cling to. So a list is a fantastic idea! I will employ your idea! Thank you!
Iamhere - you're welcome... glad to do it if I can! I hope your mom has a safe trip!
Peace, y'all!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
thanks for the share and YES....there are beginnings and there are ends to those beginnings in life
the only constant in life is , you got it!! CHANGE ...So with that in mind, when I am depressed (like over this Christmas) I did my self talk and basically told me "Self!! you feel like crap now, so what is the next right thing you can do for yourself to help you work through this depression (situational) ???"
I did myself talk, journalled about it and realized there WERE some things I could do...Change me..Change my thinking about my clients being the "be all end all" of my income making life...I can find others, when the time is right...I can make new friends...I can do my nails and my pedicure...As i ride it out, I can do a lot of things...My BMF has decided he does not want any of his neighbors in his life...Not even me....25 year friendship, he threw away and this is on top of my clients not even giving me a gesture of a little gift card or someting for Christmas....yea, I felt crapped on and dumped on and discarded like I was nothing
So I honored my feelings....allowed them to flow through me, but I set a boundary on how long I was gonna do the "poor me" thingy....AND I assured me that the only constant in life is CHANGE...things suck now?? wait!!! It will CHANGE!!!! I have commited myself into taking care of me and detaching to the point where I will go into work...do my good work ethic as usual because that is me, and be OPEN for new and better opportunities....No more telling potential clients who call me that my Fridays and Wednesdays are "carved in stone" because as of Christmas, they are not....if someone better, more solvent, more close to home, willing to pay me what I am worth , etc., if someone more suitable and better for me comes along and they want my Friday?? or my Wednesday?? LETS TALK!!!!! I only want to work 2 mornings per week, and a FEW Tuesdays when I work for the ONE client who did appreciate me...Yea, I'll take care of him, but my loyalty is , from now on, to doing what is right, yes, but being loyal to ME
so yea, I was down over this holiday....My male friend of 25 years basically told me he dind't want anything to do with "us neighbors" so OK!!! feel the grief....put my shoulders back, after I felt the grief, shoulders back...go to gym....smile....chat up some folks....be OPEN for new friendships and make sure I appreciate the ones I got
but even then...I learned!!! Dont' get too attached to ANYTHING because life is gonna change.....so that means don't get too attached to my feeling like crap , because it will change....I am changing ME....starting TODAY!!!!
my ad is out there...My heart is open for new friendships...My eyes are open to new work opportunities.....yea, if I can't fight it or flee from it, then I'll flow and make sure I put myself and my needs FIRST!!!!!
(((((Rose)))))
I am sorry that your clients made you feel unappreciated. But as I read in your other post, you know you can't control how they value or treat you. You keep doing the dedicated, hard work that you have always done! And like you said, be ready and open for new opportunities! Yes!!
I also read your other post about your BMF. The first thing I thought of is that he is hurting big time, but is unwilling to accept the love he may get from others (you). He deflected in his response, and grouped you with "all the neighbors." He just isn't ready. Again, something you can't control... even with kindness! But you did leave it open and willing with him, so now it's up to him to reach out.
In both instances, I see that you are working your program in the most sincere way! Here's to you! I wish for you a smoother path in 2019, and much love!
Peace!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Hey PnP...I've been releasing negative energy, doing my metaphysical meditations and this AM, the boss man DAD walked in my office with $100....I followed him into his office and hugged him and thanked him and he said to me, I was the best thing to come into that place.....Nearly made me cry!!!!! so yea, give out good..good comes back to me...
as to my friend...My GF says to keep checking up on him and I told her that he SAID, he wants nothing to do with us "neighbors" 25 years of friendship, sharing his wife's death, helping him raise his daughter and I'm just a neighbor...I told my GF that we recovery bees respect boundaries....I will leave him alone as instructed...I will not violate his boundaries ....
I am gonna MAKE 2019 be smoother for me because I am going to change the negatives about me.....
and I wish YOU, peace and love for 2019...2018 was a bad year...had a couple of them now, its time for the good karma.....As we get better within,, yea, we'll have rough patches, but "this too shall pass" some times it drags into years as we change, grow, learn, etc., riding out bad karma is not fun, but one thing is certain in life: CHANGE
I am open to new people,places and things....Gonna meet a recovery bee, like me, over the holiday..our first meet....Maybe I'll have a new friend to hang out with....I'm kinda shy when it comes to "in your face" friendships, but I will be FINE once we meet and start chatting each other up......
I was sooo gr8ful when boss-dad came in and gave me that envelope...made me feel like "YEA, SOMEONE loves me and what I do"...LOL
Thank you for the daily. I love the quote about noble deeds and hot bath. It always helps me to pull my head out of my own problems and look for a way to be of service to someone else. Nature and yoga are my go to therapies when things get tough and there has never been one time that I have gone out for a hike or to a class and felt worse. I always feel better after.
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
