Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Why I married twice to alcoholics/addicts

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I married a drug addict and then an alcoholic prescription addict .. I didn't pick these men by accident as I say. It was almost bred into me.

I agree without alanon I wouldn't have the coping skills to understand me and why I do some of the things I do and how to overcome the childhood programming of the past.

So glad you are here!!

Hugs S :)

JerryF · ~*Service Worker*~

Lyne and Serenity you both bring the experiences which I add to my own to complete my understanding of why I did what I did and why I do Al-Anon now. I was born and raised in the disease. It is in my DNA and life habits...I came to live as I was taught then and did the insanity very well. Doesn't that sound insane? Today that insanity is interrupted by our programs of recovery encouraged by a Power Greater than itself and I live a much different life than that I was raised in and practiced. Thank you God, Thank you ladies, Thank you fellowship of recovery. ((((hugs)))) smile

Maresie · Senior Member

Alcoholism certainly felt very familiar to ve. Learning to have a peaceful calm life would not have been possible without al anon

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Lyne))) - Your post reminded me of one of the promises from the 'other side' - We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. It is the 3rd one, and follows discussion about painstaking effort to recover, which gives us a new freedom and a new happiness.

I would love to be able to say that all my past mistakes and decisions were because of .................................................. I am not entirely sure that one thing or one period or one ...... is the driver of my journey. Instead, partially because I really, really like Joel Osteen and his message speaks to me, I try to believe and accept that my entire journey, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful is exactly as it's supposed to be - God knew all that I would experience before I existed, and each step along the way was necessary to get to today and this moment.

I will readily admit I can't look at every past 'event' and say what I learned - some of them, the simple lesson is, "I never want to do that again!" But, this program has given me a level of hope I never had before and like you shared a happiness and freedom I didn't know was possible.

I salute us all for working on self and choosing recovery. I am grateful you are a part of my journey and I am a firm believer always in the best is yet to come! (((Hugs)))

mamalioness · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey Lyne, my friend, I married into it TWICE as well...How did I know any different, growing up as, you say, an ACOA, wallowing in drinking, abuse, violence, degenerate behavior, insecurity so bad, we were literally in danger of our lives...Oh yea, Nice atmosphere for an impressionable, trying to grow/survive child...Oh yea,

so yea, I married into it twice because it was the ONLY way of life I knew...the chaos, drama, insecurity, living in fear, living in anger and seething with resentment, I zeroxed my childhood and stamped it on my adult life

finally I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and I told AH #2, we get help or we split..He said "no help for me" I drew a date on teh calandar and said, we get into AA and Alanon or we are history as a couple...He moved out on that date, met some gal having a garage sale, shacked up with her pretty soon after that and ended up marrying her after I divorced him because, I guess, she enabled him...I heard he never gave up the drinking....so sad...so much potential drowned in alcohol...I still care very much for him, but would never want him back or ANY addict for that matter, ever again...

As I heal, I want relationships that are mutual..equal..healthy...SAFE...trustworthy...nourishing...OR I'll stay alone...when you pass 60, the opportunities shrink no matter how good you look..Oh yea, I attract the 50 year olds all the time, but I want someone I can relate with and who can hold his own financially...and NO substance abuse....seems it has not come my way, so either I am putting out vibes that say "keep out" OR I am not yet healthy enough to engage in a real relationship and my HP within me is not allowing it...

Its ok..I've proven to myself that I can take care of me, yea, its hard, but I am managing....my GF is on match.com and these dating sites and she gets dinners, but nobody she wants to settle with because SHE is program growing....so it is what it is...Being alone is a hell of a lot better than living in a mine field...Watch where I step or KABOOM!!! and even if I am stepping right....Nope....I got my doggies and my friends...some family....I want my serenity

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene