The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Don't give your advice before you are called upon. Desiderius Erasmus
Hi everyone!!! in this daily, the author stresses the point to NOT give advice..If someone wants the advice?? They will ask for it..Thats is why in 12 steps, we don't go around trying to solicit other folks to join us...We draw by attraction..People see what we have and they want it as well..However, people will, at times ask for advice
They will see we've changed..They will want to "be where we are at" and all we have to do is tell them where we found it and how we work the steps, et al but we don't tell them what to do..We don't "push the program" on to them...We share our stories, what it was like, what happened and where we are now..Thats it...Then we can INVITE them to join us..
Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me carry the healing message of the program to these who ask for advice. Action for the Day: I'll make a decision to spend time with the next person who ask for my help.
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Boy can I relate to this daily...I don't think I want to know how many older folks on this board I owe amends to for my being so aggressive, "know it all" "my way or the highway" attitude towards one struggling with their active alcoholic..Like I "knew" EXACTLY what was best for them...Good thing this is online because I am sure many of you older folks would like to strangle me..So I will say "I'm sorry...I've changed..I've learned to live and let live, give my ESH and then DROP it...I am a sincere work in progress"
Now I tell my story and I say "this is what I did' or maybe I'll say "have you thought about???" but I am veeeery careful not to "hard sell" the steps or the program or the meetings...I suggest...then LET GO!!! Send them peace and a hug and LET GO!!
Its taken me 15 years to change, but change I have..and I got the greatest reward!!! My younger daughter saw me changing and she wanted to be better off...OMG, I wanted so bad for my child who was married to an abusive alcoholic who was so abusive to her, I even told him one evening if he ever puts his hands on my baby, I''ll kill him an do my time in prison, but my girl will be free...
well , she was tough like me and she left him...I was so glad she was safe!!! I was the first to get into 12 steps...She watched me change...She watched me go from this aggressive , "sticking my nose into everyone's business, control freak, know it all, nuisance" to someone who lives and lets live..I tell my ESH and let it go and send the person love and healing energy in my prayers...even my own children now!! I had to let my younger one decide and let HER ask ME, those golden words---"Mama will you guide and help me??? I want to get better, like you are"
ahhh those golden words, but I had to be careful..Not to get too pushy, so I sent her boxes of stuff that I downloaded and printed out re: the steps, Melodie Beattie, I sent her courage to change, ODAT in Alanon, From survival to recovery...I mean the works!!!!
In addition to my guiding her with the steps, She found a face to face meeting near her home....and she STILL attends, we share our steps and our growth together, but again, I have to watch me all the time to "easy does it" Shes a big kid now, old enough to run her own life, but I'm here ANY time night or day if she has ??? or needs clarification on something.
My older girl had to do time in jail, a year and a half to get into NA..When she got out, she quit her program!!! I had to cry and let go!! As far as I know , she is still sober, but no program...I can't control her!! She is her own captain of her own ship...
Younger daughter is flourishing..Making friends in Alanon, hanging out with healthy girls her age and doing great..
BYW, She is the one who calls me her "mamalioness" when I asked her, one day, why she calls me that, she said that a mother lion will risk her own life to protect the lives of her cubs, and yet she knows when to let the cub mess up and so they learn how to be GOOD hunters, etc., (She referred to my promise to her EX AH that he would be meeting his creator if he ever lays a hand on my baby) I had to laugh..
And so THAT is how I got my name and to honor her, when I came back here to MIP, a bit wiser and OH so grateful that I was welcomed back by so many people, I named me "mamalioness"
I have seen in many families that each child is different. The more "stubborn" ones need to learn things on their own time, in their own way. Sometimes to their detriment! I applaud you for letting go... for learning to let go... not easy for a parent.
I have often wondered about your screen name, and honestly I can say that I envisioned that exact scenario... so I am glad my imagination was on point! LOL!
In my family and circle of friends I have always been known as "MamaBear." Actually "named" by the parents of the boys I led as a Cub Scout Leader. I still look back on those years as some of the best years I "never signed up" for! LOL!!
So glad it is Friday... I have been up late completing Xmas gifts and I need a day to sleep in! Santa Ana winds kicking up today... love them, but that means fire danger is high!!
Peace and Love!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I love love love keep it simple...and it's one of the most common things people don't do in recovery! LOL. When I was in it -- my sponsor would say keep it simple, he'd explain, I would say OK, and I wouldn't do it! LOL. Denial, LOL. In my experience, the desire to control overcomes the desire to let go.
Thanks for posting.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
The Christmas holiday for decades left me suicidal despairing and desperate.
I hated the admonitions on.expectations. I felt if I had none that I was settling.for nothing
For me keeping it.simple over the holidays has provided so much relief. I.dont expect much.from anyone. I try to be totally self reliant. I dont set myself up
I can't say it is an ordeal but it very finctional.for ne.
I watch carefully for any signs of triggers but most of all I have given up on others being #there#.
This year I have many challenges to deal with but I feel they are doable rather than impossible.
For me the holidays were always absolutely impossible. I know expectations were lot of what set me up so I try to watch my reactions carefully.
Maresie
Thanks Rosie... you too this weekend... 
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