The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my AD "hasn't been well" lately.....as she puts it. I have been keeping busy on my own side of the street, but send her "hello" texts from time to time.
Thanksgiving being next week, she has begun her usual detailing of her intent to join us---first a plan to come a day or so ahead, then it becomes the day of and then, in past years, not at all. For the past 5 years, family events like Thanksgiving/Christmas/weddings/birthdays are usually missed (due to her "not feeling well"). I have finally stopped making things ready for her stay (making up a bed, buying her favorite foods, setting her place at the table).
But it is just so sad to watch her keep on in the same patterns year after year.
Sending prayers your way, Ignutah... for years I both loved and loathed the holidays! Today I am somewhere in the middle (getting used to the new normal).
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
((Ignutah))) Holidays can be a tough time even when we do our best to keep our expectations low. My house is not a priority either for his grown kids and we've become resigned to this. There's no alcohol in our home and we aren't as important or interesting as booze I guess. We accept this. And although this makes us sad, we are grateful for them and to hp for taking care of them and us. Above all else, we continue to be be grateful for the sobriety and sanity in our home. We have both worked hard for it and as program people it remains our greatest priority every day. You deserve a wonderful Thanksgiving. I hope you enjoy the day. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
(((Ignutah))) - sending you tons of love and light and a prayer for a peaceful holiday season. I can so relate to your post...holidays are darn hard especially with this disease lurking around the corner. This year, I have a slightly different experience - my newly sober, crazy, angry, ungrateful baby son is staying with us until he can get into another Oxford House. Each day, he wakes and the insanity of the disease is straight in my face and it's been a challenge to hold on to my peace/serenity.
I will admit I am getting tons of practice with every darn tool I am aware of in recovery. I am doing gratitude lists each morning and adding as the day progresses. There is something special for me when I can stay in gratitude, most of the rest just seems less important. I am really holding tight to One Day at a Time, since today is Sunday and T-Giving is not for 4 days - he might move by then, he might opt to stay home and isolate, who knows.
I don't know if it's just my family or if this is disease, but I have had to learn to just not ask questions and allow things to unfold. All 3 of my guys get very impatient with me over any question - even if it's just, Do you work today?
I love and applaud you for staying on your side of the street - it's not always easy. I hear you on the sadness and hope you can be gentle with you, just for today, as self-care is so helpful during stressful times. Take good care of you - you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Ignutah-I can relate in a different way . My grown son and his family don't speak to my A spouse, so this is year 2 that I have to celebrate separately with both. What's so sad is that my A is actually sober now and getting a lot of help. And what's also sad is that I'm getting used to having two families that don't relate to each other. Holidays are happy and sad. I will try to stay in the moment ODAT, Lyne
I can relate. I can feel the anxiety rising up in me each time I have a plan made with my AD or there is a big family celebration etc. Wondering, projecting, what may or may not happen. Prior to any recovery of my own, I focused on being captain of the ship believing it was my responsibility to keep all things afloat.
I now lower and rid myself of expectations to the best of my ability. I still feel very sad and wishful at times that things were different. I simply allow myself some time to sit with my feelings and then back to the present moment. I refuse to waste anymore of my time focusing on someone else's life.
Remaining present and grateful for each and every day I have helps me to keep my focus. I know that I am never alone and all beings are dealing with something in their life.
Hugs to you.
