The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
the place and sorry if you hear me bumping into things and swearing on it and making noise as I knock stuff off of where they once were and sorry for the loud mumbling and self talking. I am not alone as HP is walking with me stepping over and around the trash I am creating. For my condition I am in the right place as this disease attempts to take me down again like it did years before. At times I will let it so that I can have it think that it cannot and will not lose like it has in the past when I first found our program of recovery. I have turned over so much negative thoughts, feelings and actions and put back to bed so much anger and resentments. My Higher Power has not refused to take any of this from me because my Higher Power has also been pained and hurt from it him/her self also.
The fanaticism from decades ago that continues to attempt to victimize now including our great grandchildren and certainly everyone else it touches. My wife is a lover...who loves and wished to be loved in return but not in this family of mine and my only solution I have which I practice is to turn it over and do over again what our program has taught me and which has worked. I feel with her as my Higher Power does and stand with her letting her know that her pain is real...temporary yet real.
I woke up mid-night in the trauma of being a victim of addiction and my Higher Power was with me then. I started giving it all away to HP and HP did not refuse me once just as the fellowship hasn't either.
I am sitting in my chair and not moving around much which is safer for all concerned and where HP reminded me to come. Thank you all for you ESH and unconditional love and acceptance. ((((Hugs))))
Sorry to hear of your struggle Jerry! I've been struggling myself. This disease never goes away. We need constant vigilance. I'm sitting here at work and the thought of getting drunk is chewing at me- WTF. Probably for another board but I know my friends here will understand. Stay strong, yet humble and let your HP pull you through this. You're helping others by writing here today.
I guess the drinking thought is too afraid of coming home Michael B or maybe by being soooo pissed it's too afraid to come near right now. Thank you God for putting change in the way of this romp....I love how you love me...Stay close Mike B. ((((hugs)))) Lets practice compassion instead...that's always good.
-- Edited by JerryF on Monday 12th of November 2018 03:10:55 PM
Thank you Jerry! I do love you. Compassion sounds good. I'm trying, but this disease is insidious as you know. Moving forward and riding the urge wave out.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jerry))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Sending you love, peace and light during this struggle...Be it substance addiction or the "isms" in general....Life can be hell, but we are not alone..That is what makes the darkness light....We are here, brother...We are here and we are listening.......
(((Jerry))) - I am taking the seat right next to you and have absolutely no doubt I am in the right place. I am so, so trying to show compassion for the diseased and wonder (needlessly) how the brain of one active can blame everything and everyone else (myself included). Loving one with this disease feels so incredibly thankless at times, and it would be so, so much easier to just turn around and walk away. Yet, my HP keeps repeating in my mind.....when anyone, any where reaches out....
I have many pockets in my chosen outfit for today. Pants, top, sweatshirt, etc. Each is stuffed full of tools that I may find the grace, patience and compassion to just live and let live. It's just not easy at times and I know this too shall pass - my human mind screams WHEN?
Mike B. - sending you tons of support and recovery energy. I fully understand how that (a drink/a drunk) sounds like a solution. This darn disease does not take a break, does not rest and is ever present pulling at the mind and heart of those with it. We often say here at meetings that it's present right outside the door doing push-ups to grow stronger than one. Yet, when we unite together with a HP, one day at a time, we get a daily reprieve from the obsession of the disease. Know that whatever you are facing will not improve with that option and you are not alone!
All I know is that when I get angry, I stand at that crossroad each time. Do I keep fighting everything and everyone or do I set aside my ego/pride and trust in my HP? Even though I have evidence from past events that the latter is the better solution, 'life' and 'self' collide in me to make me wonder. I am grateful that more often than not, that anger in my drives me back to the middle of my recovery over and over again. Sometimes quicker and sometimes slower, yet for me, the answers are always with me when I lean in.
We are stronger together than alone. Just for today, I'm sitting in my chair here and embracing the calm within the rooms. (((Hugs))) We are not alone brother, we are not alone!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I Remember the Stumbling well, and Still at times Have to Catch myself and Get my Butt back to HP...Back to that Chair...
This Month is a Tough one for Me to work thru, Even knowing HP is at the Realm, I Still Fall back into ism's
For me its a Combo of Many things, that just seem to resurface over and over again... This time of Year...
I Can relate to your Wife as well, its tough when our Love over Rides our Program and something for me My HP... I have Many I Love still very stuck in this Disease, Riding that wave everyday with the same results, Till there not!
I'm Grateful to come here, I'm Grateful for the ESH Shared, and the Connections to HP that everyone shares so Intimately & So Freely... It Restores My Faith, and Slides me Back in that Chair, to sit with HP just a Little Longer on those Day...
Thanks for Your Share Brother, Continued Love, Prayers & Understanding heading you way...
)))) 
