The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning MIP. Today's reading in Courage to Change is about unconditional love. We learn in recovery that everyone stands to benefit when we are able to give without taking or with no strings attached. Every good and loving gesture soothes my soul and contributed to a healthier world.
The reading suggests that Just for Today....I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out - if anyone knows f it, it will not count. Being of service to others without acknowledgement, expectations, strings, etc. helps us break free of the habit of doing for others expecting something in return.
Reminder --- Today I will put unconditional love into action. When I give freely, without expecting anything in return, I always receive more than I give.
Quote --- "I was created in love. For that reason nothing can express my beauty nor liberate me except love alone." Mechtild of Magdeburg
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There's a thread here where FOO is discussed a bit. The shares have been on my mind this week, which I believe is not by accident. For me, growing up with untreated ACoA parents had good and bad moments. I have no doubt that my parents loved me, yet what appears was missing was the unconditional part. I learned early on that strings were always attached, nothing is free, and perfection was always the desired outcome.
As I've grown in recovery, I have adopted different beliefs. I belief that unconditional acceptance and love help me grow spiritually. Allowing others to be who they are without judgement, condemnation, advice, etc. is not easy for me but when I am able to love them from across the street, I have much more peace.
I am a huge believer in random acts of kindness. Simple things such as holding a door open, allowing another to check out @ the store in front of me, a simple smile, etc. are easy, simple ways to be of service. I am most at peace with real joy when I am doing for another free of expectations, strings, etc.
Happy Thursday all - we are to have some snow today - first of the season. I am asking myself (as I do each year) why do I stay where there are 4 seasons when I truly only like 3..... Make it a great day!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I just love today's reading. I find that starting my day in service to others helps me to feel good about myself, and I hope it has a positive impact on some else's day as well.
snow in the forecast for us here today as well. I hope it warms up enough again for me to get my winter tires on the car!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I notice when life is brutalizing me and I am down in the dumps over it, reaching out and just giving love unconditionally, like helping a disabled person get their groceries off a high shelf, Or just doing a kindness to not just my loved ones but to strangers, helps me get out of my funk and I feel better. When I feel better, I think better, and when I think better I can employ my program training and come up with ways to take care of me
Great principle Learning to "love" without strings or expectations is an ongoing process . Thanks to program tools I can now give without looking for a return and do feel the difference.-- giving in love is a great gift I give to myself. Love being of service because the more I give the more I receive. Thanks for your service
I got really burnt out being mr-nice-guy, or goody-two-shoes inside of my family. So why would I want to express unconditional love to the rest of the world.
Inside of Alanon people are worthy of love, respect and boundaries. So we can exchange this ESH with confidence. Not always easy- in the middle years- with personalities... ...but this is an essential part of the journey, and a part of re-learning our lives.
Step 11 takes us forwards. I am a church person- and find that many of us in 12 Step groups get spoiled in the the rooms. Drenched in kindness. And I found that churches go so far, but not this far.
Let's face it- we do get to know each other oh so well, given time and trust.
I have ways of coping in a cold heartless world- by making it less so. Letting it begin with me. And with those closest by... ...
Thanks IAH and for all above shares. Great reading but I do struggle with uncondional love with my A. I used to have it. I try not to have expectations. I can detach with love. But unconditional love? I want to be able to trust my A. I can't /don't. I want her to get involved in a 12 step program the way I have. Not fair of me to decide what she should do. Her alcoholic behavior hurts me and/or embarrasses me at times. I guess I need more acceptance of her illness. So the idea of uncondtional love for her is something I'm not able to do at the moment. Maybe in time it will develop....Lyne
You know I am reading this post and the shares, and I am thinking is there really such a thing as unconditional love?
What I mean is to be in a relationship of any kind, there are conditions to some extent an is the person safe? Do they have a healthy self love? Are they honest? Ethical? Do actions match the words? This would be some of the conditions I put on whether or not I want to be intimately close with someone
As human beings we do have expectations of sorts in the people we choose To be close to. Am I going to unconditionally love a predatory offender ? No. That is not my job or obligation. It does not even make sense
There are some people who are just so wicked and evil that they are not lovable. But, in a case like that, it is my job to see it, to detach from it, to let go and let God as they say, but who unconditionally loves somebody who is so despicable that even prison inmates want to kill them? I cant do it. I can give unconditional love Even to somebody I dont care about if they are safe and not a menace to society. I think in our finite capabilities, we do place conditions and healthy and reasonable and I underline the words healthy and reasonable conditions and expectations on ones that we allow in our lives
I can unconditionally love my fellow recovery mates, whether I like them or not, and there are people I do not like. I do not want to be friends with them. I dont want anything to do with them outside of these rooms , but I can give them unconditional love in that I hope they continue their recovery, I can wish them the best, as I keep my distance. So in that sense, yes. I can give unconditional love. Because they are not in my life so to speak. But people close in my life, there are certain things I will not except and therefore I dont allow them close to me
The program also mentions judging here and there and that is kind of impossible for us to be non-judging because we make judgment calls all the time when we make a decision to do or not to do something. We make judgment calls when we make a decision to embrace someone close to us or keep them at a safe distance. We make judgment calls throughout our days whether or not to do or to say or to think or to act. Or to embrace someone close to us
Please take what you like and leave the rest
-- Edited by mamalioness on Thursday 8th of November 2018 07:21:06 PM
Thanks for the service IAH....what perfect timing for this reading. I am feeling so "lacking" in love for today that it is easy to forget that having love doesn't just come from receiving it. Random acts of kindness without any expectations is a form of love too, if one has it to give in some way. I have found the greatest joy when I have been able to give just because I had it to give. A moment of smile and hello and how is your day? to an elderly person, with a feeling of genuine love for this fellow human being....paying for the bread the person in front of you had to put back because they were short a few dollars.... buying a hungry kid lunch...taking the time to listen to socially isolated people...being of service to a good cause.....there are heaps and heaps of ways to give unconditonal love and the feeling of this type of giving without expectation is a truly beautiful feeling. I find it so much more difficult to begin with my immediate circle. But if Im feeling good about myself through being of service in some small way to my fellow hu-man/s then it tends to flow a bit better with less thought. Great reminder!
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