The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about how those of us who grew up in alcoholic homes were often fearful. There was a fear of tangible things- like car accidents or someone getting hurt in the home, or just fear in general- of the unknown, of things beyond our control. The writer describes shutting down and not really participating in life as a response to these fears. As the writer grew into adulthood he/she realized that the healing being sought would only happen if there was participation in life.
One of the sentences that resonated with me in this reading is I dont get well first and then start to mend. I know I have had this perception and still do at times. Living, interacting with other people, being involved are all part of healing that is ongoing and a lifelong process. For some reason yesterday as my day was getting started the Slogan living life on lifes terms came to mind. What this means to me today is- there are so many things I have no control over and cannot will to happen. All I can do is the best I can every day to live life as it happens.
Good NMorning Mary Reading your account of the daily HFT's message,, I was reminded of an alanon saying that I embraced early on :s:"Courage is Fear that has said its prayers and "showing up is half the battle".i also loved the one you shared living life on life's terms .
Alanon has certainly provided me with the necessary tools to face my unrealistic fears and move through them with dignity.
Thanks for your continued service
Thanks Mary and Betty. I can say that for most of my life I was paralyzed by fear, and some were about ridiculous things. Because my childhood was scary and without consistency, you never knew what was coming next . With my walk in Alanon, I now find myself saying "I'm trying to be a grown up." Even though I may still have fear, it is manageable and does not stop me from taking action. I guess that makes a huge difference. I recognize some things still scare me, but I am trying to accomplish new activities in spite of it. ODAT, Lyne
Good morning Ladies and Mahalo Mary for your service. Hope for Today is one of my best readers and surely I will take it with me this morning as I ride down to the ocean side just to reflect and meditate and "talk story" with my Higher Power about my powerlessness needing HP's participation. I didn't acknowledge fear or admit to it at least it seemed for many years. I met it with anger and rage which wasn't hiding and shrinking back from anything. That didn't work for me or anyone else. I victimized myself and many others with that reaction just as I had been victimized by the disease.
I have hope for today that I can and have faced fear with the steps leading me to come to my Higher Power asking for guidance and Love.
Thank you, Mary, for your service. I always enjoy reading how you interpret the daily in your recovery journey. I also appreciate all of you above who shared their ESH. It is through you, I learn and grow!
I am really liking the 'Living Life on Life's Terms,' today. Thank you for the reminder.
I actually have some really fun plans with my brother and his wife... Kid and I are joining them for dinner and seeing Bohemian Rhapsody at the Grauman's Chinese Theater! Lived in Cali all my life, and I have never been there! Go figure!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
hey Mary, I relate to the "shutting down" and not really participating in life in responding to fear...I still do it to some extent...I just dissociate from my body, life, everything when I am experiencing too much fear or just experience overload as I call it.....I know I have to "get out and participate" but i'm not a people person, so for me, getting out would be a go at the gym, working out, swimming, etc., and doing fun things for myself...but I do agree i have to LIVE my life...not just observe it from my den.....
Oh I can relate to the meeting life with anger and rage, when I am powerless , it is the same as being helpless to me...either way, I am trapped...but now in program, yea, I still fight life, still fight and protect and resist unwanted energies, but i catch it now and i can talk me into a better place, but oh it is hard when all my life i was a prey animal, helpless victim, at the mercy of evil and trying to just keep from drowning.....i still, to this day, when stuff happens, I react with anger/raging, and I think it is because I get the illusion of "control" when the program part of me KNOWS that is FAR from the truth....I am powerless pissed or not....so why not just stop...breathe....observe.....even walk away and come back later if possible....i see small progress, but have a long ways to go...I just hate things that make me feel like "here we go again, life bending me over and booting me in the rear end" i know when I CAN manage to not resist the karma, things seem to settle and solutions seem to come much faster....I'll be in recovery for life....no chance I'll ever completely heal but I CAN make life livable...I can create some simplicity and serenity by working program ea. day in some way
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I went to my (other program) meeting this morning, and we lost another member to suicide. This member (like others recently) showed no outward signs of the extreme pain, and was an active participant in meetings, service, etc. - even the President of the Oxford House he resided in.
To say our group is sad is an understatement. There are no words to describe how hopeless one feels when another is in life-ending pain and we don't see it. Recovery is not just about meetings, literature, slogans, sponsor, etc. - it's about the sum-total of applying all tools possible, one day at a time to find the freedom our programs offer.
For me, simply put, fear is the opposite of faith. While I agree there are real fears in life - accidents, illness, etc. - I am better today at living in the present and replacing worry with action and prayer. More often than not, when I am feeling fear, it's because I am projecting or ASSuming I know what another is thinking/feeling. Both of these are unhealthy for me and for healing.
Happy Sunday all - my daily run, my daily dog walk, my meeting complete, dinner in the crock-pot and FOOTBALL are on my agenda! Enjoy your day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
...I went back and read the whole reading! ... I realise that when I first worked through HFT I was still in a blur. But not so much of a blur when i worked backwards and forwards through ODAT and CTC. I actually always relished going to meetings. Would not miss one. Actually in my journey I had to learn to back off a little! To give space and room for other people. And to create a better headspace for myself.
The first paragraph in the reading describes what I know today as C-PTSD. In my opart of the world there is no specific help for this- and so I studied it through you-tube and google. The description of the family scene- with the dog cringing in the corner is a very apt description. I hated to think that is was going to take a lifetime to change that condition inside of myself. But I am glad now that I started out. And looking backwards now I can see the miracle unfolding, slowly... ...And ah got to live some sort of life on the way through.
I must have picked up that phrase- which is Alanon Concept 4, on the way through. It must have stuck to the roof of my brain. Because I still use it a lot- "Participation is the key to harmony."
For about 10 years my little prayer was about 'one day at a time'. It was 'Paco a paco. poco a poco, dia por dia.' Step by step, little by little, day by day. The changes were so slight and incremental I could not see them. By remaining immersed in Alanon, though I have a lens to look back into the past; and forwards into the future. One of the main symptoms of C-PTSD was to be locked up... ...as I learned at a meeting- strung out between the 'what-ifs' and the 'if-only's'... and only those of us who have been there get truly understand this. Death warmed up; or a living nightmare is the only way to describe the feelings.
Only being able to identify- within myself- is the only way of understanding what the alcoholic and addicted people in our lives are going through. The impossible situation they use alcohol to medicate away.
It is really good- to come out the other end- slowly at first and see the light of day... not just a cliche. To feel and sense the love of our higher power... ...and often seen in other people first... ...
... I realise that when I first worked through HFT I was still in a blur. But not so much of a blur when i worked backwards and forwards through ODAT and CTC. I actually always relished going to meetings. Would not miss one. Actually in my journey I had to learn to back off a little! To give space and room for other people. And to create a better headspace for myself.