The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its been awhile since I posted. I however have been reading on line and its been helping. I had to share because my anxiety level has been through the roof. What caused this is I had been around people a lot and I had to take time out and do self care. I even was able to get out of the city and get to the country and regroup. It helped so much to take a weekend away. I was doing so well, calm and happy till I received a call from the ex-boyfriend, who I own a house with. I have legal title with him on the house. He was removed by the police December 2 last year due to domestic violence against me. He was charged and went to court and was found not guilty. Since then, he has been in contact with me and still feels entitled to harass me because of the house. I had to hire a lawyer and he gave me an offer and i said no. I responded that we need to sell the house, immediately. I am living in the house with my daughter and its so quite and sane now. I love it. Last week he called me out of the blue and said he is coming to the house for 10 days and I need to leave as he needs to work on the house to get it ready for sale and what kind of settlement do I want. I gave him an offer again and he said I will let you know when I am coming to the house to do the work. He says I will be in the house for 10 days. I then get a letter from domestic violence victim services saying they accepted my claim for compensation for what he did to me. I freaked as the memories of what he did came back so bad, really bad. Then his son texted me to say he is coming to the house to pick up the ex boyfriend car he left behind when he left the house. Having this contact has spiked my anxiety up so bad, I have been a complete mess. I had to call my psychiatrist yesterday, as I thought I would go insane. He upped my medication again and I have an appointment with him on Monday again. I have an appointment with a therapist today and will discuss coping methods through this transition to my new life, free of this house and the ex forever. I see the end of the light but now its hell as my anxiety is through the roof. I fear him still and I do not trust him even though he said he is sober. I still have severe fear of him as in the past even when he is sober, he was verbally and emotionally abusive toward him, yet I need the work done on the house to get it ready for sale. I did text him and said he can do the work and not stay in the house. I can not be around him. I just feel afraid of him still and the flashbacks are so real to me again. I know its in the past but I still have fears of him and I feel he is still harassing me and trying to get me to break down. He is doing a good job as I feel I am nearing my breaking point again. I feel so on edge that even my sleeping is not good anymore. I am trying to live one day at a time, one minute at a time but right now its so hard. I just feel on edge and ready to jump out of my skin. I feel angry and violated by him. I have PTSD and this latest incident has just brought everything back even more. I am angry at myself and him. I am angry at myself because I feel powerless to stop him from coming to the house! I feel angry at myself for tolerating this crap. Why do I not just move out and save myself misery? what is wrong with me? Why do I not have the courage to stand up to him and not be afraid of him? Why do I allow myself to be rattled by this sick alcoholic that says he is sober? I feel so unbalanced and so crazy right now! I am doing self care but its not working. I just shake and feel so unsettled. I am angry..I do not know how to process this.
{{{joker}}} I also suffer from PTSD and shook for years around an older brother. It sounds like you are doing many things to heal from this. Beating yourself up is not helpful. Reaching out to the board is a great step and I hope you go to a F2F meeting as well. Working with a sponsor can also help. For all the times I have tried to rush myself into being better, I have learned it doesn't work. At my last F2F meeting someone said you have to give time time. I suggest you try that. Keep coming back. Lyne
{{{Joker}}}, I also have had that PTSD feeling and understand. I am sorry this is affecting you. It is understandable and is not our fault; our brain is doing this, we are not in control of those anxious reactions we have around the person we are afraid of.
What helped me was to not try to handle it alone, to reach out to all possible sources of support outside myself -- friends, Al-Anon meetings, professionals. I hope you can find someone supportive to stand with you as you go through this time.
Glad you reached out. Keep getting the support--phone meetings can be good when f2f meetings are hard to get to. There are often ppl who stay on the line afterward and talk eachother off the ledge so to speak... call 712-432-8733 and press "TIMES#" to get the schedule (at least 6 meetings per day on there). During a meeting slot the pin is:52639.
Sending a very big prayer hug your way (((( )))) so hear ya---I too have ptsd and have found some grounding tools we read about like slowly going through all 5 of your senses to bring you to present moment (hear taste touch sight etc.) while breathing deep with hand on heart (saying silently 'no threat right now' )and feeling where my hands and feet are etc. are helping with it. Also recognizing that me beating myself up for having strong emotional reactions is normal but not true--it is my brain's habitual pattern of trying to put me in illusion of control (if I can control myself and keep me in line I can feel safer...) and it was likely helpful to a degree when young but gets in the way now. So I don't believe those habitual thoughts as much now---still can be very loud at times. I asked HP for help around this and was led to a few of those grounding tools others and I mentioned--also steps 1,2,3 & 11, prayerfully asking to feel HP's presence.
May you & daughter be held in loving presence through this challenge.
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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
Joker....what is your legal position do you know? Is there some way he can be stopped from coming near the house? i do not know what the laws are in your country at all, but in the ones I have lived in there are strong laws in cases where DV has been proven, regardless of who has title on a house. It seems utterley wrong that he should be allowed to just drop in like that and even to directly contact you. I hope you will be okay and that you have some good support arpund at this time. Sending prayers.
