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This family needs healing no more than mine does, however as I said to him yesterday your family puts the Jerry Springer in dysfunction .. I am ok with the fun in dysfunction at least it's worth a laugh .. I am not interested in physical fights. Bless his heart.
His adult daughter who should not be having more children for numerous reasons is having a 3rd, there are health reasons attached and she had already been told years ago not to have more children because she would be at risk physically not just her the baby as well.
She's been on bedrest the last month and is currently in the hospital. You know I am always shocked to see how small he feels when dealing with his X and I have to remind myself that he has been the one who has been emotionally abused in this relationship. Long story short he was informed daughter is in the hospital with a long litany of what a crappy dad he is and how he has no interest in his family. Never mind the texts he's sent to reach out .. never mind the only time the 30something year old daughter reaches out is for money. This coming from the XW who then needs to also inform him daughter doesn't want him at the hospital. And she was told not to call however she was doing him a "favor" by letting him know. Oookkk.
It looks like they are taking the baby. That's the only information he got today. He was going to go up to see her, which of course he sent a text and said he was going to be there in X time and so on. That's when he found out the newest news.
Please pray that both mom and the baby are ok. Also for the healing of hearts and minds as everyone in this situation moves forward. My heart hurt listening to how vocally hurt he was on so many different levels.
It is interesting where someone goes back to when they are dealing with their emotional/physical abuser and how awful small that person appears in dealing with some of these things. I am not sure what else I can do than reassure him that he's done the best he can.
The capper of the evening was finding out that his step nephew 26 years old took his life 2 days ago. We won't attend the funeral as it's in another state, I was just thinking at the time .. ok this is enough. It is appearing to have been alcohol related in terms of over the past year his drinking was getting worse and worse and he saw it as his only way for peace.
Anyway, thanks S
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I will add them to my prayer list tonight. (((((Serenity)))))
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Quick update .. baby 3lbs 9oz little boy. 90% chance survival rate so this is very good. :) ..the mom is recovering. Now the wait to make sure everything is ok. Thank you :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Continued prayers.... but a 90% survival rate is good to hear!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Prayers going up for BF & Family... Its So Hard sometimes watching those we care about Struggle so in the Ism's of this Disease, I know in my Family I have Ism on Every Branch :/ I've Lived with Mental Abuse many times in my Life, Growing up in an Alcoholic Home, its the Emotional stuff that Sticks around for me for sure... And Can indeed Send Me Tail Spinning back into old ways, when the Triggers or Person is Present... And Sometimes Lack of Being Present...
Prayers Going up for the Blessing that was Delivered today :)
I wanted to give a quick update as to what has been playing out today.
My poor boyfriend .. he's a simple man in so many ways he's taught me so much about letting go and when not to, he's not exactly emotionally complex which is not a bad thing .. however he owns the victim stuff at times and honestly I am seeing things from a different perspective which is good. I have had more than one conversation of get off the cross Jesus needs the wood for a fire. I know I have such compassion .. however I am more of the I get things are hard .. living in victimization is a luxury people can't afford. So I speak far more sharp when this is going on as a reminder of come on .. first world problems let's focus on what is important and you can visit those emotions later. I also speak from experience of doing the whining .. lol.
His X really laid it on yesterday and it is such a good thing I do not do the talking. I touched on this yesterday about how small someone gets when they get around their abuser. Especially if they have not found tools to deal with new coping skills and that really makes me sad for him. He was informed what a terrible person he is yet again and it went further to he couldn't tell daughter that mom called and blah blah blah .. at this point I am saying stop. What do you want to do. He got a little wishy washy about some stuff and I just said no such luck .. do you want to see her and the baby yes or no. Yes. Then this is your kid in a life or death situation with a baby who may or may not survive. Statements. I am coming to the hospital in 30 min. I love you and I hope you and the baby are doing well. I want to know you are both ok. None of this do you want me to come? That is to me while is a considerate statement .. no I'm not a considerate person at times .. however this is an adult child .. these are statements if it's not a good time .. then she needs to own that and make that statement. PERIOD. None of this making the decision for her. Because if someone said do you want me to come .. I am not interested because that is telling me you really don't want to see me as you are looking for a way out. That's my thought process I realize .. to me that is not a masculine statement. Being an alpha female .. I'm telling you .. I will be at that hospital if that were either of my kids. I'm not asking either. I expect my kids to be able to verbalize to me and mine could as well as would if it was good or not .. my point being is it's their responsibility to be the one to say no .. not mine to ask.
The X is unblocked for the moment however I have already had the discussion we are not going backwards meaning 3 hours of texting and fighting on the phone on evenings that are suppose to be about us. I'm not interested on any level of that kind of drama and my feeling is if he misses that they need to get back together .. ugh .. so not doing it. Soooo I figure as soon as the daughter moves on with her life the phone calls and texts will start again.
I am hoping the positive out of this is that my BF and his daughter can move past their stuff and find a new norm for them that involves phone calls and texts that are not all about her asking for money. Soooo we'll see.
He did spend the early afternoon with her and met the baby daddy. Verdict is still out on him at the moment .. of course we want to know she's happy however just pray he is decent .. I am not impressed that she has gone more of this journey than not on her own and how much she lloooovvveeess him .. that's great however .. seriously she's been on bed rest for a month, in the hospital for a week, a very difficult delivery yesterday .. he better be doing her right .. so we will wait and see. I like the fact the X doesn't like him .. lol .. I know bad bad S .. however she doesn't like me and I'm not a bad person .. lol .. so I'm hoping the dislike stems from he sees her stuff and is very much .. sorry for you ... however .. this is not your business. I get the feeling that he's very much like that. There are some flags I'm not digging however .. hopefully that's just my speculative nature.
The young man who committed suicide .. smh .. what a tragic situation .. my understanding is the family did everything they could to reach out to him however in the end he blocked everyone and refused to talk to anyone he was related to. I know he was in a very dark place without question and another reason why I pushed on my BF to make sure he made an strong effort to see his daughter .. the guilt alone would have broken him.
Anyway, baby is tiny and doing well. I hope I might get to see him in the next few weeks. We'll see.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Prayers for all S - so, so tough how dysfunction plays out in the family dynamics. Your post reminded me of when I created/enforced the boundary of the 'bank is now closed'. Essentially, I had to do it, state it, remind over and over again and watch my boys become independent financially. Tough stuff, and yes, I did not hear from them for a while as that was one of the only times they would reach out.
In time, they both have figured out others ways I add value to their lives. Much of it still has to do with selfish reasons yet with healthy boundaries and detachment, we've moved forward. It took time - quite a while - and it had nothing to do with my wants - it was a HP thing.
Tiny baby gut awesome %s.....(((Hugs))) - keep doing you - trust the process - you both got this!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Glad the baby is doing OK! That's great news. Sorry to hear about the drama and about his family member's suicide. What a difficult thing to face within a family.
Hugs to you as you watch this from your perspective. It's always hard to watch our partners struggle with exes or past drama or repeated patterns of abuse or negative behaviors. Sending you all prayers and healing thoughts through the upcoming weeks!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
