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there is absolutely ZERO that anyone can do about this and I think the stress of it caused my major back spasm
lately my BIGGEST client has not been doing well...Bad decisions by the dad, doing really ill advised financial moves, its been bad of late (last 2 years) but when lenders don't wanna lend them any more money, its BAAAD
last week I had to cut the boss's pay checks by $250 per week per orders of prez who really likes me and my work and feels terrible he hasn't give me more hourly....
This week....This morning....right b4 I report for sork is when the lender said "cutting you off" this is my largest client and we may very well go belly up..We just might have hit that big financial iceburg and are goin down...
Boss's wife and I tried to comfort each other, I had a hell of a time focusing on my duties of payroll, paying bills, taxation, (payroll taxes) and just my accounting duties where I have to be focused...i had to MAKE me slow down and focus...I did the "narrating to myself" what I am doing so as to keep my mind on my job and not the nearly paralyzing fear I am fighting off...
its a big hit if i lose this client..I mean I won't make my monthly expenses on just SS and the 1 VERY part time (quarterly visit) and my other client (2 x per month) plus the Social security...I can't do it...
TODAY, Rosie, you worked..NEXT week I am working...I'm just going to have to do my life one hour at a time....literally
Doc said I can use my rowing machine because it "works the right muscles" really a total body workout and GOOD for bad backs...Gonna row and blast my tunes tonight and get away from this.....
So yea, I could use some cyber love and hugs....
I've been there 10 years, it will be, as of Jan. 1....TEN years...I don't want us to sink, financially and because I am like part of the family.....I don't know whether to cry or vomit....maybe I'll do both and cover all my bases
So sorry. And sorry I was lighthearted on the other thread--had no idea what you are going through in addition to physical pain.
I like what Hotrod said,
And you know about networking, Civil Service Exams, large companies and 25 things I wouldn't even think of. And this weekend you don't even have to think about it, should you choose not to. Have you gone through all your cute winter clothes yet? Is there something on TV you'd like to veg out on? In the company of some very clean dogs? Have you done power naps lately? Is there a lake nearby or other peaceful out of doors place?
You know more about all this than I do, and I know this--HP/the Universe/the Creator have gotten you through everything so far. And there is no reason to think that will not continue.
You've got this--it's just piling on since you are having physical pain. YouTube has videos of sound you can listen to with headphones--binaural beats. There are some for alleviating pain, some for healing, some for soothing the mind, some for boosting endorphins, some minaural ones that don't need headphones. They've really helped me. Lots of choices--I'd pick and choose what felt good to me. I am going to listen to some now. I'm of the whatever works school.
Another thing that helped me when I was tied in knots was to get out of my head and concentrate on my body--where it was hurting. And after some concentration and allowing it to be as it was, it would ease--and then another hurt would come up--it was if it all wanted to be recognized and attended to After awhile i found myself grinning, then chuckling Then yawning. Then automatic release of tension in the abdomen. And I slept and slept and slept. And after about two days of that I wasn't tense all over anymore.
You know a lot of things to do to care for yourself--these are just some that have helped me.
Blessings,
Temple
I read somewhere: And all shall be well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be well.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
These things can be so hard and I feel like if we could see the big picture we would have much less stress---but we only get to see today's picture and then trust that HP will prevail, love will prevail and take it an hour at a time. I liked picturing you rocking out on the rower. Good idea. I am constantly putting things in my "God can" and I am so surprised when I look at them months later and things worked out in some way shape or form---gives me greater faith. Keep the faith--together we can make it!
Luv 123
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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
(((((((((((((Temple)))))))))))))))) I thought it was cute adn sweet what you said on BOTH my posts....I can only work PT..very PT because of my GAD/PTSD, but yea, I began networking a few months ago when I smelled things were not so good....
and yea, gonna rock out on my rower and just escape this....I have to....I like what you said about noticing the body and being there, or words to that effect....not fighting my pain, but allowing it to pass through me......I am sooooo tired!!!!!! 7 decades now, of hardship........I am just sooooooo mentallly tired.......thank you for the gr8 things you said to me
I LOVE reading you....I'm so glad you are sharing this journey with me GR8ful HUGS
Thank you luv...yea, if only I could see the big picture, lol....I'm Agnostic..not sure whats "around the universe" to help us, but I am open....willing....thats all I can do at this juncture in my life.....and yea, that rower is gonna "catch hell" I just made myself eat supper and will get on my machine soon, to get out of this bad place I am in.....thanks for stopping in to support me.........HUGS
Thank you dear Betty........I'm trying to just toss it off me.......between back pain and financial panic, I am just gonna do what I can do to dissociate from this garbage....I liked what Temple said about concentrating on my body..where it hurts.....all the stored pain is coming at me with a vengeance because of this huge trigger.....it scares me to death to think, I might not be able to support myself....All I got is me.....I know!!!! ODAT and don't fight it...just detach detach detach.........thanks for your loving support....
Seriously though, I know of the fear you speak of...it is hard to live with that fear... to have faith. But I can tell you know all the tools to use to help you, so hang in there!
I'll have to second the binaural beats... been using that for a little while now, & I find that it helps!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
(((Rose)))) Prayers for a positive outcome. I'm sorry this is happening but glad you are practicing lots of self love as you work through feelings and decisions. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Hey PnP: Yep I gave that rowing machine hell LOL I have gym equipment at home and Ive been using it so I can work out and reflect on things I need to do to take care of myself. I get on the rowing machine and I blast my iTunes and just escape from this world and get into my happy place and it is a good respite for me
And Tired: Thanks for the encouragement, I have been doing a lot of getting out of my head and honoring the feelings in my body, and yes making decisions. In case things do go sour, as part of working a budget, I cut out the gym. Ive got plenty of equipment here at home and I can go to the college if I want to practice tennis and as far as swimming goes I will just have to wait until the public pools open in the summer and I can go once a week for my swim. The membership is very reasonably priced but I am looking for them to increase it first of the year because prices are going up. So I let it go and decided I will just do my own workout regimen here at home and it public places. I dont make friends easily, so my workouts were always by myself, so I may as well do my loan workouts at home, listening to my music, or watching a good movie and saving the money
It is very difficult, fighting off the fear, so I am doing a lot of, yes feeling the feelings, but putting a boundary on how long I do this before I just make me do something enjoyable and get away from all of this. Taking naps, watching movies, reaching out and chatting more with close people, a lot of self talk, lots of loving action towards myself, and the biggest thing is just walking away from all of this and getting out of the way of the energy and not adding to the negative energy so that positive can come out of this somehow. Non-resistance is difficult for me as I am in the habit of fighting and protecting but it is just not working so yeah, feel the feelings, and then just mentally and emotionally walk away from it
Thanks to all of you for your great support. Maybe soon Ill have some good news to share for a change LOL. I know I am working Wednesday and Friday this week. So today I am OK and I will rest in that
