The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, October 12, is the fable of a woman who kept her alcoholic husband and her three teenage children under her Enormous Thumb. Because they were stuck under the Enormous Thumb, the husband and kids were flattened and could not do any growing up.
The woman was a Very Nice Lady, who did not need to go to Al-Anon because she always knew exactly what to do about everything. But she decided to go because for some reason she could not make her husband stop drinking. She was quite indignant when the Al-Anon members tried to show her her part in the situation.
But eventually... "to everyone's amazement the Thumb began to shrink ... and everything seemed brighter. More and more she realized what she was doing, and, being a Determined Character, she applied the program every day and her other problems took care of themselves very nicely."
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I'm so delighted I got to share on this page I love when we can bring a sense of humor to our situation.
I also was a Very Nice Lady and a Determined Character. I thought I could achieve anything if I just worked hard enough at it. I am grateful that I turned to Al-Anon when I failed at controlling my husband.
Like the woman in the story, I became determined to work my program. I got a sponsor. I read just about all the CAL literature -- including some that are out of print. I even came to love the slogans, which at first I had thought were too simple-minded. I took a service position, and then another. I was determined to work the steps, even though they scared me. Slowly I began to put the principles into practice.
Just like the woman with the Enormous Thumb, while I was doing all these Al-Anon things for myself -- miracles occurred and my other problems resolved themselves in the natural course of events, without my interference. The resolutions were not always what I expected, but that is because I actually did not know what to do about everyone and everything. That amount of power was above my pay grade.
Good morning, MIP! Thank you for today's topic, Freetime!
I really like the humor in this reading. I really echo the belief that if I just try hard enough, I can achieve anything. I'm glad I've revised that to "keep showing up" and "be open to opportunity" because it is a lot less stressful for me! I am always amazed at what works out for me when I'm not trying to control things.
I hope everyone has a lovely day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Freetime and MIP --Great reading. I, like Skorpi Love the humor and the idea that attempting to force my will by exerting control on others and forcing them to behave as I would like is a complete waste of time and energy. I too needed to have my my"THUMB" shrunk so I could allow others the freedom to be. Thanks for your service
Hey Freetime!!! Thanks for this reminder I needed to see
Oh boy, this resonates with me with the "big thumb" I thought if i fought something hard enough, used enough force, I would not be (in my sick mind) defeated by this latest "life attempt to beat me down" so I fought...forced my will...used a larger hammer
finally I just got sick and tired of life beating me down, so I tossed in the white towel...got into recovery and discovered that the only thing I can fix or repair or modify is ME...thats it...ALL else is beyond my control.....its like this imaginary circle i drew around my feet...visualizing that whats OUTside of that circle is NOT within my control...oh yea, I would "win" some fights so that kept me fighting and resisting and protecting...but at what cost to my serenity....Now I give it my best shot....walk away when I know its over my head.....I'll stay the distance if it is winable...doable under my power and just needing mroe time....but if it is a no win situation??? I am outta here...I may come back later with a clear head, and even ask for help and if i still can't get it to "budge" I am outta here...walk away....its not in my arena of responsibility or capability
Good morning MIP and thanks for the shares and ESH above me! Thank you also Freetime for your service, the daily and of course, the added humor.
I too had a heavy thumb! I too resisted what I heard when I first came to Al-Anon. I had to go back for 'more' before I became humble enough to attend, listen and learn with an open mind and heart. I am grateful that my thumb is now normal size, as is my ego.
I am a huge believer in miracles, large and small, in recovery. I've seen them, heard of them, witnessed them and experienced them. I am a grateful person today when I was anything but upon arrival.
Happy Friday to all - no golf due to cold/rain - a day to adult and relax! Enjoy your day MIP family!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning all! Thanks so much Freetime for your service... I too, enjoyed the humor!
This whole year I have been working on "shrinking my thumb." In fact, I had been working really hard the last four years with this and my Kid. Each year pulling back and out of his stuff... knowing that when he graduates he will most likely be "on his own." Funny thing is, I didn't apply this to my spouse... I just kept thinking that if I stayed in my hoop, spoke my truth and try and be reasonable, he would respond. Well, I just plain forgot the Three C's!!! I had forgotten the nature of the disease.
Peace today, TGIF!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks Freetime and all above shares. I'm guilty of being an enormous thumb! But I have shrunk so much , so much so that just by talking about alcohol and the benefits of treatment, my A now a sponsor and is doing the steps! It's truly a miracle because after 20+ years of trying to force her to change, getting my priorities straightened our through program, has allowed both of us to grow. Who knew? Not me! Lyne
I have such a bad problem with trying to put my thumb on everything. I have to step back and ask for help because I know I cant do it all and I shouldnt try to do it all. Ive communicated this to my husband and he looks at me weird everytime and says I am more than happy to help, just tell me what to do. When Im busy or have a lot on my mind I almost always fall back into that pattern of trying to stretch myself farther and it just never ends well. Ive gotten better at realizing and pacing myself but of course habits are hard to break and this marriage and being a parent is not a one man show. Its a partnership and I have to let the reins go a bit lol that being said the three cs have helped so much, its my mantra when something happens that is out of my control. Let go and let god
I think it is so different husband vs child.
In my case it's my husband.
Through this group and my al anon group, I have learned to just let go. His behavior has nothing to do with me.
Although, I do think about what he is doing when I am at work, I'm so done worrying about it.
Can't stress about things you can't change.
Love to all.
Hi Pol, I've had that experience of being so caught up in the frenzy of managing a situation, that my brain did not have enough cells available to be able to think of what help I needed and how to tell someone what they could do to help, so I was stuck in the cycle of doing it all myself. And there was a bit of shame that I could not fix the problem by myself.
My current phase of development in my Al-Anon journey is learning to be aware of when I need help and how to ask for it. It's a work in progress.
I think Father Tom Weston for me said it well, that we cannot survive as a self contained unit and we need to ask for help. :) The tools I was given growing up, did/do not work well anymore. I'm working on it and its a step in my recovery that is a challenge but I'm getting there.
-- Edited by Pol on Friday 12th of October 2018 08:39:43 PM
I am always amazed at what works out for me when I'm not trying to control things.