The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about accepting what we cannot change and changing what we can.
The author shares that, as a child, they used to cling to the door handle of the car when the car went around a sharp curve so as to prevent the car from going over the edge. Of course, this action was futile, because only the driver of the car could prevent the car from going over the edge with careful driving. As an adult, the author found that they took the same approach to adult fears and persisted in futile actions. Through AlAnon, the author realized that they cannot control other people, they cannot make their life unfold according to their plans, and they cannot control how alcoholism impacted their life. The author is, however, the driver of their own car. taking recovery seriously, working on attitudes, taking care of mind, body, and spirit, making amends when needed are all things that the author is responsible for.
Today's Reminder: Sometimes the only way I can determine what to accept and what to change is by trial and error. Mistakes can be opportunities to gain wisdom to know the difference.
Today's Quote: :If a crisis arises, or any problem baffles me, I hold it up to the light of the Serenity Prayer and extract its sting before it can hurt me. One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
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I can certainly relate to the author's persistence in futile attempts! What stands out to me is the reminder today that trial and error is a valid approach to take when determining what can be changed and what must be accepted. I like the line that mistakes can be opportunities to gain the wisdom to know the difference. I tend to be averse to making mistakes. I tend to wait, think, talk things out, engage in research, so that I can make a decision that will be right for me. I do this in all aspects of my life, but I think that, with this approach, I am putting up with things that are not acceptable to me for longer than I need to. It wouldn't be such a bad thing if, instead of waiting until I was confidently sure of my decision, I took action sooner. I will make more mistakes, to be sure, but I will learn a lot more through this approach and I will not put myself in the position of accepting unacceptable things while I make up my mind.
Rain again today for us. I'm thankful today for my new umbrella!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Skorpi thank you for the reminder that there are situations in life over which I am powerless. It i a great idea that suggests that that "Mistakes" are or can be a true learning experience-- if we let them . Acknowledging that I am powerless over people, places and things has freed me up to concentrate on what i have power over, --myself and learn the lessons life is teaching me
Thank you for your service Enjoy the day
Happy Hump Day ladies! Thank you Skorpi and Betty for your shares and ESH. Thank you also Skorpi for your service and the daily. Before recovery, when life happened, I took it all personally and spent too much time looking for fault. I was such a black/white thinker - either I took blame and my self-worth and self-esteem suffered or I blamed others and scolded/scoffed.
Al-Anon has shown me that life happens to everyone and often what is happening is beyond my control. I use the serenity prayer often to center me and to help me see what I can change vs. what I can not. I do believe now that each event in each day is for learning and I no longer have bad days - just unexpected moments.
Powerlessness is a powerful gift - relieving me of the want to control other people, places and things! Grateful member here and grateful you are part of my journey. Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Skorpi and for all above ESH. I have a related, interesting share. I came to accept that I was powerless over my A's drinking and other behaviors. Of course this took several years in Alanon . Over a year ago, we started seeing an addiction counselor together. My A has been sober over a year but exhibited many alcoholic behaviors. A few months ago, in our joint meetings, I started talking about if she ever decided to get alcohol treatment, get a sponsor, work the steps, etc.., she could feel much better, and it would have a positive effect on us. Her therapist agreed, and no one was telling my A what to do, but I wouldn't let the topic go, and brought it up almost every session. She decided to give it a try, and now has a sponsor who is in AA and OA, the same help my A needs. Now my sponsor taught me not to have expectations, and it is drilled into my head I cannot control anyone, so my A may do this work for a month or two and stop. Or, she may continue as I have done in Alanon and really improver herself. So I do not tell her what to do anymore, after 20+ years of trying, but persistence, talking, and trying, shows me that nothing is impossible. Miracles can happen! Lyne
Thank you for your service, Skorpi. Each time you post your ESH, I find that we are very similar in how we handle things. It's very odd to see that from a complete stranger sometimes, but it also brings home the fact that when someone steps into the "halls of Al-Anon," they are never truly alone!
I too, hate making mistakes. Until recently, I've allowed this form of perfectionism to rule my life! I too, also weigh all options... research... write or talk things out before I make big decisions - I still do this to some extent. When a mistake was made, I would brush it off on the outside, but fret and ruminate about it for days... all ruining my inner peace! Or I would jump right in before thinking of consequences (because, you know, "I know best") - usually where it pertains to my qualifier or child. It is a strange dichotomy.
Today I am just a little bit more healthy... I use the "Pause" frequently, and try to allow my HP's little voice to guide me to a solution... I still fight trying to manipulate a solution, but I am getting better at this! I have also decided to embrace one of Iamhere's favorite sayings: "We are all perfectly imperfect people." I have always owned up to my mistakes - that was no problem... but I was so darn hard on myself!! So I am learning to remind myself that I am 'perfectly imperfect' and I am doing my best for Today.
Thank you for the reminder that there are things/people we cannot change, but we can always work on bettering ourselves!
Finally beginning to feel like Autumn here in Cali!! Whew!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
