The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Chaos: The writer discusses the warning signs that their life has become unmanageable --racing thoughts going through their mind at an alarming speed--memories, broken promises, future fears, failed expectations, etc. Yet serenity is easily attainable with a phone call, acknowledgement of the chaos, sharing with another person, etc. The awareness of what is happening starts shrinking the problem.
Today's Reminder: If problems arise today, I will try to acknowledge them--and then put a little spiritual space between my problems and myself. If I can share about them with another person, I will further diminish their power. Recognizing that my life is unmanageable is the first step toward managing it.
Quote from In All Our Affairs: When we bring things out into the light, they lose their power over us.
I like this reading because it reminds me of the healing process that comes from our fellowship. I feel so lucky that I have a home meeting I love, I've had the gift of finding an amazing sponsor, the board here is available 24/7, and an Alanon friend and myself text every morning. I find it true that by bringing things out, they do lose their power. Holding onto negative and scary thoughts have made me negative and afraid. Reasoning things out with Alanon members and knowing HP has my back, works wonders. Lyne
Thank you Lyne for your service, the daily and your ESH. Glad it's posted 'the night before' as I am off to golf in the morning. I too believe your 'secrets keep you sick' and have learned in recovery that sharing really does feel as if it cuts the issue/problem/fear in part/half.
I am blessed also with a great home group and a text message group that touches base each day, often several times a day. I am most consistent with joy and serenity when I keep my program and the fellowship priority in my life and days. I am grateful that who I am today is vastly different than who I was - just grateful recovery has given me a different way to be me.
Enjoy the day all - (((Hugs)))!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hello Lyne Great reminder, I know prior to program my life was not manageable and I did not realize this. My habit of constantly mulling over resentments and anger was my form of entertainment and I never considered having to change.
Enter program, working the steps talking at meetings and to a sponsor helped me to let go of these negative tools and find serenity Thanks for your service.
Lately I've had to "Recognizing that my life is unmanageable is the first step toward managing it." as the quote said
seems one thing after another of late....older dog got leg injury, (latest in a series of NOT wanted events) so I had to "put some space between this latest problem and myself" as the quote also said....I am doing what I can to help her recover (I think younger dogs ran into her as they like to race around the yard and they hit her arthritic leg that gets sore anyway) anyway, massage...aspirin...TLC....and distancing myself from this "one thing after another" like it comes in waves (unwanted karma) and I feel the feelings....and become aware....I need some support....reach out....meditate....visualizations, etc., do something nice for me....not running away from all this stuff...just putting distance between me and it...doing what I can then detaching...not obsessing over it, hard, but I am managing to do that...in the old days, an event like this would have me on the ground, but as I recover, yea, it hurts when my pets are sick or injured, but I don't obsess over it.....she doesn't need a vet...nothing is broken...I , this time, observed...she just twisted it or puppies banged into her and its manageable under my care...This am, she was walking better and so I got her out for a little walk...not pushing her, aspirin and massage and giving it TIME
with Anxiety AND PTSD and also OCD, I think I am doing "OK" with this latest "blessing" .....meditations, casting my burdens, burning my sage and doing nice and loving things for me and pets helps....NON-resistance helps, too..In fact , when I don't fight the karma, it seems to pass through faster......sharing with caring others.."acting as if" this is OK and fixable helps....facing my fears......awareness....acceptance.....action....
I was upset for a while and caught myself not wanting to go to 1/2 off sale but I had done all I could for her...got her settled (this happened Sat. am) on her bed, biscuit with some peanut butter on it....there was nothing more but to let her rest after I massaged her and gave her her aspirin...so I went to the sale...I was able to disconnect from all the drama and actually enjoy myself a bit...then I went home, messaged her again, aspirin every 6 hours, today she was a bit better.....
and oh yea, life unmanageable.....all life was before recovery was something to be "served out" "coped with" "survive the best way i can" "no joy---life sucks then you die"
that was my attitude before recovery....now??? yea, its hard..limited income makes it tougher...living alone makes it harder, but I AM taking pretty good care of me and my pets...I have had to be very creative and shrewd to do so, but I am....I notice that I have to feel all the emotions....then I can observe and get down to the "business" of "OK..what can I do to make this OK???" work my options...the main thing is I have rooms like this and face to face or phone folks I can share with...sharing compassion and love really helps.......
Im struggling and Im not sure what to do. Even though I regularly attend a healthy home group, I still struggle to make connections. Ive listened to enough speakers and speaker tapes to know that this struggle to connect and this feeling of being left out is common but I cant seem to overcome it. I hear talk of text groups and great sponsors and Id love those kind of connections. I try to mill about after meetings but then my anxiety kicks in and I sneak out the door. Ive even participated in service, attending Area meetings and assembly and I still feel disconnected. Im sure its my anxiety, I probably seem closed off. But I dont know how to break through to make the connections. If anyone has ESH about how they form bonds within the program, Id appreciate it. Thanks
For me, that had to be on two levels... one began with my life and my qualifier. The other didn't come until later... upon further introspection. Both were vital for me, and I believe happened in the way my HP wanted it to - even though I wanted to rush things!
Welcome, stillsmilin321! I am sorry you have events in your life that bring you to these "rooms," but am happy you reached out here. My ESH on your disconnect comes directly from what I did at one of my meetings... instead of sharing about the topic that day, I shared about my anxiety and my willingness to connect with others... ie: "I am here because I have learned that I really need help. I am extremely shy so I do not offer the first olive branch so-to-speak. People tell me that I look 'unapproachable.' When you see me after meetings,. please know that I am wanting to make a connection." In your specific case, you might speak about your social anxiety.
As usual, take what you want, and leave the rest!
Happy October everyone - my most favorite month of the year!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Lyne, thank you for this share and your service. This question of how do I deal with the chaos -- racing thoughts, feeling at the end of my rope -- has been one of the biggest things I have learned in my Al-Anon experience.
Bringing things into the light -- which to me meant bringing my own misery and desperation into the light, and being open to other people and open to receiving help -- talking to people who listen and understand, then listening and learning -- has brought about miracles in my life.
For ss321-I agree with PandP and it's what I did too: when new I shared about why I was there and how horrible I was feeling i.e. Lost, anxious, depressed, not knowing what to do, etc. We also have a phone/email/text list at our meeting and you could ask if your meeting offers that. I also made myself talk at every meeting, even though I was scared to do so (trust is hard for me) and now over 5 years later, I have shared at every meeting I attended. It's a way for me to heal and for others to get to know me. No one at my meeting laughs or judges, and I have come to trust them very much. Keep coming back. It works if you work it, Lyne
I'm still learning how to minimize chaos, loss, and disappointments as they arise. Today I was reflecting how much I need to keep my boundaries better and to not be afraid to say my truth. ... work in progress, but a grateful one!
I used to go to extraordinary lengths to get to a meeting. Now I have one here- on my lap. it is an extraordinary opportunity. A little voice told me, my higher power- show gratitude, show gratitude. Show gratitude, even for the pain and the chaos- fake til y'all make it!
And so- loh! and behold- the chaos did subside.
And I still practise the gratitude- because it is a good thing... and i can smile; and laugh sometimes... ...I think my body chemistry has changed. I can eat in a relaxed fashion. I can relate to people- talk and listen.
stillsmiling - I am sorry that the fellowship aspect appears daunting. I can so relate and when I first arrived, I still felt 'a part from'. My sponsor was helpful in reminding me that "Let it Begin With Me" can apply as well as "When anyone, any where reaches out..." I found my courage at her suggestions to invite someone out for coffee. The person I asked could not, but suggested we do so the following week.
The following week, as we were leaving, another asked if they could join along and before you knew it, we had several go out as a group for a meal and/or coffee. Then, on a whim, I suggested we have a pot-luck @ the meeting. It was a huge hit so we opted to have one per month. We discovered that summer was a busier time for all so changed things up as desired by the group.
Reaching out can be scary but it can be rewarding as well. Most in recovery will join you for a coke, a cup of coffee and/or a meal if asked! That's been my experience. Keep coming back - you are not alone!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Lyne, and y'all...