The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since I started Alanon a year ago, I have become more aware of abusive people around me. I was in a verbally and physically abusive relationship that ended in October. It was like someone sucked the life out of me. I wound up not knowing who I am. I used to be very forgiving and let abusive behavior slide. Now, I am more aware. I started dating someone a few days ago. He started making fun of a picture of me. This time, I told him he was acting like a jerk and I didn't want to see him anymore. Of course, he tried to blame me saying I acted like I was not interested in him. I looked at his accusation and it was not true. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life, then have some man put me down and try to control me. No more. I have lost everything because of what happened before. I can't afford to ever let that happen again. I deserve better treatment. Some friends thought I was making a big deal about him making fun of me. I thought about if I would do that to him or anyone else. The answer was no. Denial is a very dangerous thing. I can't go there anymore. Anyone else been through this?
I have not been through that yet. I am still working on my life w/my A. However, it sounds to me that if this guy felt free enough to make fun of a picture of you in such a new relationship, what in the world would he feel he could get away with after you have been together a while? Besides that, you have to trust your gut. And if something is telling you to discontinue seeing this person b/c of the way you feel, then I believe it is justified. You should not have to explain that decision to anyone except yourself. I hope this helps.
I think it is wise to learn from the past. I think it's important to set boundaries early in a relationship. I also have found that I tended to over react when I became so determined not to be hurt again. Other people couldn't understand my reaction if they weren't aware of my fear or what I had been through. We have to go with our hearts. Our instincts will lead us in the right direction.
Nope... think he underthunk it... LOL You said you considered his accusation and he was wrong. As dear Powerless said, hurt people do have to pay special attention to thier feelings and at times it could become a barrier. Be honest with yourself and you will notice those times.
Kinda like trying on shoes or buying a car... some don't fit. Sounds like he's one of them.
There are billions of people in the world, you have been hurt by less than a dozen, take it as incentive to keep looking. No rush.
Take care of you...
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Usually when people are just starting to date, they are on their best behavior. If that was an example of his best behavior, just imagine what he would probably be like a year from now. I certainly do not think you made the wrong decision.
