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Post Info TOPIC: siblings and others on this merry go round


Veteran Member

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siblings and others on this merry go round


Has anyone had any success with helping friends or other family members join or become acquainted with alanon? Just wondering....



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Ginny Cook


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I have not although I did try very hard with my FOO

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


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I had what I consider a miracle happen. I told my adult daughter that I was attending Al-Anon and that it was helping me. The qualifier was my husband, her father, and we both knew the disease was bringing crisis to our family. I did not direct or suggest to my daughter what she should do, just told her what I was doing.

My daughter found her own Al-Anon meetings, and attended long enough to get some benefit from the program. To this day, it is such a gift --she knows the slogans, how meetings work, the basic principles of Al-Anon -- and we can talk about these things together. I think it's a miracle. And the key for me was not telling someone else what they should do.

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I did the same thing that Freetime did. I told my younger daughter I was in Al-Anon and the ACA end of it and she saw me progressing and wanted to do the same for herself. So with support and encouragement from me, I sent her worksheets that I had created and or found online and guided her through the steps and the slogans we went to meetings together, I dont normally recommend parent and child working together so closely like that but she and I Have done really great. My little recovering drug addict who loves and hates me, is another story. She feels she does not need the program anymore as far as working the steps or going to any online meetings, or preferably face to face meetings, she feels she has graduated and has again kicked me to the curb so I lovingly detached. My younger child is working her program and doing well and I am so happy for her As far as my brother goes, he flat out refused to quit drinking or go back into AA . He made it very clear that he wants to keep drinking. So I had to accept That this is his life and he has a right to do what he wants to do even if it costs him his life. There is nothing I can do. I used to beg and plead With loved ones to get into recovery. It never worked. So I dont do it anymore. I realize it is not my right to tell another to get into recovery because it is not my right. It saddens me to see them slowly going down the spiral but there is nothing I can do. Oldest daughter is still sober as far as I know, I just give her to her creator and I have stepped back. I do not do roller coasters anymore. She knows where I am , But there will be boundaries if we do reconcile. I am not looking for any miracles with her. My expectations are very low. I am open, anything is possible, but I have very low expectations when it comes to her. They can be sober and still be unpleasant to be around

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Rose:

*** KEEP IT SIMPLE***



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I have tried without success. My son did look at some literature and promptly decided it was not for him. However his father, in his late 60's, is still drinking and smoking pot, and my son has been let down by his dad his entire life. I know when I was in pain for so many years, I could not see myself and my emotional spiral. So I may try again sometime, Lyne

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Lyne



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The closest example I have is the baby momma of my oldest son. She grew up with both parents raging addicts, lost her father to overdose and her mother is clean/sober in AA. She has a brother and he too has the disease. While she is not an addict/alcoholic, she's got depression severely and has had eating disorders.

I suggested Al-Anon, and took her to a couple meetings. I bought her the daily readers, and then told her to call me if she wanted to keep going. She did not, and stalled for a period of time but after my son's relapse last year, she re-entered therapy, and began her Al-Anon journey in earnest. We don't go to meetings together and we don't talk program but she knows I am here if she needs me....beyond the program.

What I've been taught in recovery is we plant the seeds and hope they sprout. I have a large family and some senior members really believed I could 'save' junior members because of my efforts in recovery. I have led a few horses to the waters, and some drank it for a bit but eventually, decided no way - they'd not yet hit bottom. I have peace with it as I planted the seed and carried the message. Just as with whomever brought me to Al-Anon, I am powerless over others too - no matter how much I love them and want them to have a chance at serenity and joy...

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

Bo


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One of the principles of the alanon program is -- attraction, not promotion. There is meaning behind that, and there are reasons for that as well.

That doesn't mean we cannot suggest, offer, even speak of the miracles that can happen when someone embraces alanon.

Making alanon available, in a positive, neutral, warm, and welcoming way is similar to what alanon is as a program -- a warm, welcoming, understanding, and safe place.

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Bo

Keep coming back...

God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...

 

Bo


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By the way -- with my daughter -- I did not hide I was going to meetings. I did not exploit that I was, constantly say so, etc. But she knew.

Then, she saw changes in me -- my behavior, my attitude, mostly me no longer accepting unacceptable behavior, she saw me detaching, no longer enabling, no longer being sucked into the drama, chaos, turmoil, and havoc. She saw me change -- actually take action and make changes. And, she saw me getting better, getting healthy. In various discussions when she was seeking advice, guidance, my opinion, perspective, etc. -- I shared them. Because alanon for me is a curriculum for living, a lot of what I shared was innate. It was alanon. It was me practicing these principles in all my affairs.

Then she started asking about the meetings. It was natural. And she wanted to go. And she did.

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Bo

Keep coming back...

God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...

 



Veteran Member

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Thanks for your responses. It helps having the support and wisdom of others who have been there. 



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Ginny Cook
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