The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I want to say that this seems to be the hardest thing for me to do right now. As many of you know I quit my job because a very unhealthy work environment. I gave an honest exit interview and didn't bash my former supervisor. I got unemployment and am looking for work again. It's been just a month and I am finally beginning to feel like my old self again. I haven't applied to many jobs but I landed an phone interview quickly and now an in person with the same company. The phone interview went fantastic but I realized that I deserve a more fulfilling job. I cancelled the interview.
I still have feeling to work through and I likely need to do an inventory about work and my fears. There was a time I'd lost everthing as a result of my husband's addiction. It felt incredibly frightening to be with out the basics in life that I have today. This is the fear and aging cause me to apply haphazardly to jobs for that are unfulfilling and for which I am overqualified. This is why I cancelled the interview. The money was there but my heart wasn't in it. Funny how quickly I minimize job satisfaction. I can't keep reacting and expect different results can I.
Last time, the red flags were there but I chose to ignore them because of salary and the company. I wanted to work for them. I knew I wasn't being true to myself but I went headlong into insanity anyway. I had actually told people that I wasn't really sure it was going to work out but I had a plan to stick it out until I could transfer to another department. So you see my motive was unclean when I accepted the job. I thought I was clever and it backfired. I could have never imagined the kind of situation I ended up with and that there would be no tranfer to another department. Had I stuck with honestly evaluating the position and my fit for it and not projected about imagined possibilities, I would never have accepted the job. If I'd given myself more time, I would have been available for my higher power to lead me to an opportunity that was right for me. So, it's feeling a little scary to let go of the reins and let the god of my understanding work in my life now but I'm going to try harder to do just that.
I don't feel ready to work somewhere else just yet. I feel like I just need to be still for awhile. I've made progress but I think I need to give myself permission to take more time to feel, deal and heal.
Thank for letting me share/vent with you. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I'm finding there is usually something that I hold on too beyond it's expiration date because of my over-focus on the good part or the potential good. For me, it's a lot of Alanon practice and continuing to learn what self-care means for me.
There is a lot of "crazy" out there, difficult to avoid, but I believe I'll come to continue to foster and enforce better boundaries and detachment by keep coming back to Alanon.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers Please do something nurturing for yourself today.
(((TT))) - great share and it reminded me of what we hear often, To thine own self, be true! I am a huge believer in having hope and in miracles as I have witnessed and been a part of many. Just keep doing you and trusting the process, and the answers will come.
I do agree that there is tons of 'crazy' out there. I select a different theme each year and this year was, 'Seek to Understand'. What I've come to realize is that every single person I encounter has a bit of crazy in their life - might not have anything to do with substances, like mine but still - there is nobody that's not struggling with something. This helps me a bit - not necessarily engaging or entertaining the insanity, but accepting it and stepping away slowly with grace and dignity.
As I love to say to you, you got this!!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
TT-You are providing a wonderful example of self-awareness and self-care. It also sounds like you trust HP to bring you to something you need. ODAT and Bravo! Lyne
TT, I love your self-awareness and how you are thinking about what is best for you at this time. It reminds me of a time when I had a traumatic job experience -- with my job being eliminated in a re-org -- which made me just a little bit crazy, and how I carried that irrational thinking into my next job, which led me to some not-well-thought-out actions. So I think it's really wise to pay attention to your own healing. I'm grateful that Al-Anon principles can be applied to our work situations -- otherwise we might need to create Job-Anon.
My conversations with HP when I am looking for solution about what I think I need to do always will include this 3rd step prayer. "Place me where YOU want me...tell me what to do". Life has worked out much better when I ask HP to be in the solutions. Keep on keeping on. ((((Hugs))))
that was a very open and honest and wonderful share, TT, "being true to myself" has cost me like this past week a very unscrupulous client I had JUST started with wanted to give me power of ATTY over his taxes and then do them and then LIE, BIG TIME to the IRS...I refused...I have worked 25 years to build a stellar reputation based on integrity and ethics and honesty and I am not gonna sell me out to HIM or anyone else...so yea, i lost some decent weekly pay, doing the "right thing" and NO bites for replacement in site.....same ole crap..different day, but I just have to figure if I just relax..zone out on my tunes (my loud type of meditating- creating dopamine in my brain) or do a good meditation with my incense burning, just do the next right thing by me, I'll get another client...i'm doing a tax audit/prep 4 years of taxes for a client/friend of mine who didnt' file so that will be good $$ but for the short term....I used to take jobs out of financial fear and need because I was always stretched...I took bad jobs, bad bosses because I was too low self esteemed and too needy to do otherwise...and it never worked...Now I pick and choose whom i'll work for...I interview THEM, but this guy fooled me...I never thought in a million years, he would ask me to lie like that...to create and send out bogus returns.......Nawww not going to do it.......and yea, there is a LOT of crazy out there....I seem to be finding a lot of it lately....like i have velcro on me for all the bad clients of late, but then I think of my Friday am job and my Wed am Job....GREAT people and my quarterly one on Tues. am's....awesome fella......so yea, there are good folks, just wish I had like 3 more days per month and I would be a happy camper.......
I am glad you got out of that horrible job...I know what it is like to have a BAD boss...i've had my share and believe me, they suck the life right out of you....I've always been in financial fear so I would put up with it till I was half crazy and I would walk out...........now i diversify....don't put my eggs in one basket....but I know...my situation is different...I am semi ret. and on SS so I can be more flexible then used to be.......enjoy your time off and just be good to yourself...you earned it!!! (the peace and quiet)
Thanks (((bud))) I love the analogy of holding onto something beyond expiration date. I have to let go of fear and apply better boundaries concerning what I am willing and not willing to accept. The next morning I received an email response from the hiring manager leaving the door open for me to reconsider and reschedule the interview. I chose to take that as my higher power testing me. I chose to stick with my original decision but I did begin questioning it. On another note, the weather has been ideal these last few days and I am really enjoying time to myself outdoors. Thank you for sharing and your support.
Thanks (((iamhere)))) Really living To Thine Own Self Be True can be so much harder than I would have ever imagined. It surely doesn't end with simply becoming part of Alanon. It seems every day I'm faced with questions like "Is this really what I want?" I think after years in the program despite not feeling like I'm just surviving, I'm not actually thriving either. I've accepting pretty good to be good enough. In seeking to understand, I'm growing to understand my own motivations now for playing it small. I do like the reminder however for understanding others. I have some outside literature and audio on this topic and am going to revisit it. I tend to feel a lot of serenity particularly after listening to the audio so thank you!
Thanks (((lyne))) When I first came to Alanon, I had trouble identifying what I was feeling. I had stuffed my feelings and tried to keep my head above water for so long living with active alcoholism/addiction. It seemed like I had no time to process what I was feeling because I was always taking some action, doing some sort of damage control. It's good to be able to take a breath today and engage my mind, body and spirit with an aim toward living a a healthier life. Sometimes it's beginning with small indulges like realizing that an hour to myself can add serenity to day, can literally restore my sanity. And being mindful to invite hp into all that I do is the answer to keeping it. I know if Ican sit with the feelings, not fear the unknown, hp will guide me where I need to be.
Thank you (((freetime))) for sharing your experience and wisdom. I relate to your re-org story. I also was reacting vs acting after a reorganization. Like you, it didn't work out very well. In my instance, fear was leading me rather than my Alanon program. Time to let that go and try something different. It feels a little uncomfortable but I am trying to stick with self care and letting go. I do have to pay attention to healing. Funny how self care can sometimes feel like something I don't have time for. That is a clear indication that I need it! LOL job-Anon!
Thank you (((jerry))) for the reminder about the 3rd step prayer. It has all that I need. Being patient and waiting can be hard. I'm just going to keep being kind to myself at this time and wait for hp's nudge.
Thanks ((rose))) I'm sorry you lost income as a result of doing what was right for you. I understand. We are better for choosing to no longer show up for insanity and all of it's emotional, physical and emotional fallout. Today, we know thanks to this program that we don't have to show up to every fight we're invited to, we don't have to engage. We can simply just keeping centering ourselves in the midst of self-centered individuals. We can keep our serenity.
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
